Fandom Classics Part 141: Ascend

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Guess who spent yesterday shoveling almost a foot of snow?  This guy!  Have fun with that when it hits ya, east coast; knowing the way media responds to snow in the midwest vs. snow in New York, I'm sure I'll get to hear aaaall about it on the news.  Should you get snowed in, I'm sure you'll want something to read; would xTSGx's Ascend be a good choice?  Find out what I think, below the break.

Reviewing: The Flaws You See, and the Ones That Matter

Hope you had a merry Christmas; I know I did, but now it's time to get back into the swing of things.  Today's post is about the subject of reviewing itself.  I'm going to specifically focus on what I do here, though the general subject is also applicable to more casual reviewing, or to leaving comments on stories.  Specifically, I'm going to be talking about something that I've obliquely mentioned a couple of times, and that I know Titanium Dragon has discussed in the past: how much importance or relevance to assign to the issues you may find in a given story.  Get my thoughts, below.

One Final Christmas Gift You Can Give

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I'll be taking Friday off to spend the holiday with my family.  Whether you're of the "give praise for the birth of Jesus" group of Christmas-celebrators, or more of the "season for giving/family," I hope the this Christmas treats you well.

I do want to suggest one thing you might consider doing this Friday, though, if you have a few spare minutes.  See, I spend a lot of time around here talking about stories, but one thing that mostly goes unsaid (if only because it's so obvious) is how powerful the right story at the right time can be.  Every reader can name one or more stories that have fundamentally altered their lives, and plenty more that have helped them, subtly or not-so-subtly, to see the world in a new way.  The ability of a piece of fiction to shape who we are is precisely what makes fiction so valuable, and such an essential part of the human experience.

We tend to forget about that when it comes to fanfiction, though.  It's not hard to see why; most fanfiction isn't of the "capable of changing someone's outlook on life" sort, even more so than in commercial writing.  And besides that, there is the stigma of it; saying that reading LotR for the first time was a life-altering experience (individual results may vary, obviously) is a lot easier to explain than saying the same about a psuedonomyously-authored, unlicensed story about the colorful, friendship-loving denizens of the magical land of Equestria.

And yet, there are works of fanfiction that can change the way you see the world, whether by helping you see things in a new light, crystallizing a lesson you only knew academically, or helping to change your outlook in a more idiosyncratic or harder to define way.  Maybe it's a product of the story's quality; maybe it just happened to be the story you needed to read at that moment in your life, appearing in front of you at just the right moment like an act of epiphany.  Either way, that's something worth celebrating.

So, if you have a few minutes this Christmas, consider letting the author of a fanfic which changed your life know what their writing has accomplished.  If they happen to be on FiMFiction, that makes them easy to get in touch with.  In any case, send them an e-mail or PM letting them know what their story meant to you.  It doesn't have to be anything lengthy or super-detailed; just let them know what their story meant to you, and thank them for it.  It's pretty easy to get positive reinforcement in most fanfic communities, and while that isn't a bad thing by itself, it does mean that praise can often feel impersonal.  Take a moment to let an author know just how much their writing has meant to you.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Mini-Reviews Round 112

Just two stories this time... but they're both Christmas Heart's Warming themed.  That's something, right?  Besides, they're a combined 40,000 words; surely, that's enough pony words for you, right?

Ah, who am I kidding; there's no such thing as "enough pony words."  Still, get my thoughts on a few more of 'em--words, that is--below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 140: Awakening

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We all have stories about the moments (or sometimes, lifetimes) of idiocy or sheer un-awareness which we've seen from family members; you live around people, you're going to see and hear them do and say some stupid things.  But a woman at work yesterday took the cake for stories in that category: apparently, her uncle once invented a new kind of dip, made of mashed-up avocados and some salt and oil, which he was immensely proud of.  It fell to her to inform him that what he had "invented" was, in fact, guacamole.  Dashed his hopes of getting on "Shark Tank," it did.

But enough about the relatives of the people I work with; on to ponyfiction!  My review of solocitizen's Awakening, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 111

It's 111!  Which, if I was keeping review numbers in binary, I guess wouldn't be too exciting (review number 7 (base 2) doesn't quite have the same ring to it), but that's not the case.  In fact, my mini-review total looks even more impressive in binary than in base 10, albeit not as unidigital: how's "Mini-Reviews Round 1,101,111" strike you?

But now, on to the three (or, if you prefer, eleven) stories that make up this round's review-meat.  Get it, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 139: A Finer Vintage

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As of Sunday evening, my fantasy football team made the playoffs!  It was a hard road; despite being the third-best team in a twelve-team league by points scored, I was barely scraping a .500 record, and needed a win last night to advance.  But, despite starting Andy Dalton at QB (total week 14 contribution: 1 point), DeAngelo Williams and the Carolina defense carried me over the top in a nailbiter.  Woo!

...Yes, I know, nobody cares about other peoples' fantasy football teams.  But a man's got to celebrate a little, you know?  That over and done with, let's move on to my review of Sunchaser's A Finer Vintage, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 110

I do not, and probably never will, understand why some people seem to have so much trouble singing a picardy third (ending a song or phrase which is in a minor key on a major chord, e.g. the last "lu-lay" in each verse of the Coventry Carol).  I mean, forgetting it, I understand.  Missing the note, I understand.  But when you know it's there, you can hear other people singing the right note, and you're still coming in on the minor third?  There's some sort of serious mental block I'm dealing with from a certain singer--and he's not the first person I've encountered who couldn't seem to do this.  Seriously, how hard is it to sing an accidental?  You do it all the time in music, but this one particular case seems bafflingly impossible to a select few.

Ah well, he's got a little while to figure it out (before we're reduced to "you're not allowed to sing the last note").  While I ponder that, here are some short reviews for your review-reading pleasure!  As always, get'em below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 138: I Look Into The Flames And See

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I've officially started brewing my own beer.  Well, I've officially started brewing something, anyway; it started bubbling quite encouragingly after I left it to rest, which means I didn't manage to screw up and kill the yeast (yay!), but it's still about four weeks until we're at the point where it's ready to taste.  The best I can definitively say is that I have a large jug under my staircase which is full of something becoming progressively more alcoholic.

I'll let you all know what happens, though if you manage to figure out my home address and drop by on New Year's weekend, I'll let you try one of the first bottles.  If you're not a beer person, then you'll just have to content yourself with the fanfic review I've written!  My thoughts on Tramper's I Look Into The Flames And See, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 109

Like writing?  Like giving gifts?  Like both of those things, but worry so much about the quality of your writing that the only circumstance in which you'd be willing to "gift" it would be while comfortingly cloaked in the soothing veil of anonymity?

Then check out the FiMFic Secret Santa thingamabober that Obs is running!  You have the rest of the month to write just 1000 words (or more), so plenty of time... but you need to sign up by Tuesday.  Go to it!  And, once you've done that (but not before... go on, I'll wait), head down below the break for some of my short takes on stuff I've recently read.

Fandom Classics Part 137: A little loopy.

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Does everyone else get as depressed as I do when they look through there "Tracking" list on FiMFic?  I've got dozens of stories on there that I'd love to read--a few I have read, as well--and most of them haven't updated in a year or more.  For a good chunk of those, the author's been gone for about as long, too.  It's like a personal list of stories I won't ever be able to fully enjoy.

But luckily for those of you who get all your fic recommendations from me (understandable, given the lack of other options when it comes to finding fanfic reviews), I only review complete stories for Fandom Classics posts.  So with your mind now at ease, go ahead and check out my review of A little loopy., by warewolves.

Mini-Reviews Round 108

It's December, which must mean it's time for FiMFic avatar Christmas hats!  As usual, The Descendant has kicked it off; if you like both fun and Christmas, get your avatar blinged out for the holidays!  And if you hate one or both of those things, then... don't, I guess.

Either way, here's some reviews!  Today, I've got a few stories that I didn't finish for one reason or another.  Find out why, below the break.

Episode Talk: S5E25-26, The Cutie Re-Mark

We got our last episode of the season over the weekend--a two-parter, no less--and presumably the last for some time, complete with Starlight Glimmer's return, post-apocalyptica, and all the rest.  So, was it any good?

Well, as usual, I'll leave reviewing the episodes to the numberless masses of youtube folk who enjoy doing that.  I will, however, share some personal opinions on quality, coherence, impact on headcanon, and the like.  And I'll probably include some screenshots of Carrot Top.  Look, if you don't want Carrot Top screenshots, I don't know what you're doing here; clearly, you hate all things good and right in the world, and should probably go back to framing puppies for arson, or whatever it was you were doing before you came here.  Anyway, thoughts on The Cutie Re-Mark, below!

Fandom Classics Part 136: The Star In Yellow

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It's almost Thanksgiving; what better time for a supernatural light-horror story?  Check out my review of Blueshift's The Star In Yellow, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 107

Two mini-reviews in a row?  Yup!  Turns out the last week has kicked my butt pretty handily.  The good news is, it's almost Thanksgiving!  I could really use a few days off, frankly; work hasn't been bad, it's just been a lot.

But before we go on, let's talk about the latest episode, The Mane Attraction... ah, who am I kidding.  I'm just here to post screengrabs of Carrot Top!

Carrot Top is a huge fan of the Countess.  She was even willing to put aside her long-standing grudge against the Apple family long enough to cozy up to Pinkie's friend, if it meant getting a ticket to the show. 

The scene of everypony getting hoofsies is odd; it cuts away to AJ just as Carrot's about to get stamped, and when we cut back, the pony who was behind Carrot in line is already bounding away with her cheek stamped.  I mean, I assume Carrot got her hoofsie, but we never actually see it.  

Poor Carrot.  Not only did her hoped-for laser lights show/electronica concert abruptly turn into an acoustic two-song set, but after getting there early to grab a seat in the front row, she picked the wrong side of the stage!  The only thing she'll be able to see from where she is is the back side of the piano.  Also, people who wave around their lighters cell phones horns at concerts are the worst.  Friggin' unicorns.

Alright, alright.  On to some actual reviewing!  My thoughts on some of the stuff I've recently read, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 106

I spent all day stacking firewood, and now my back hurts.  I know that's not a big surprise, but I'm still not altogether used to being sore after doing things.  I really hope it doesn't mean I'm getting old.  From what I've seen, getting old is awful, and the only thing worse is the alternative.

Anyway, get some short-form reviews, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 135: Scootaloo's Parents

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I had an idea for a silly premise/semi-serious execution oneshot I'd like to write a few days ago.  Now I just need to find the time to write it.

I really need to find a way to make fanfiction my full-time job, because actually having one of those seriously cramps my free time.  Oh well, until I figure that out, have a review of Carmine's Scootaloo's Parents.

First Sentences in (Fan)Fiction the 8th

So, Hoofields and McColts was a pretty good episode.  Silly, earnestly sincere, and with plenty of low-key visual humor (e.g. the animals' different-sized books in the intro, Fluttershy "gently encouraging" the tortoise to get to shelter during the hay bale bombardment, etc.), it had a nice blend of all the things I like in an episode.

And yet, I'm dissatisfied.  Why?  Because for the second time this year, carrots were a crucial component of one or more scenes, and Carrot Top wasn't there.  Come on, MLP animators: you've got a pony whose cutie mark is carrots, and yet, when the subject turns to everyone's favorite source of vitamin A, she's nowhere to be found?  She's even got the right coloration to be a Hoofield!  Hopefully on her mother's side, though; "Carrot Hoofield" would be a pretty terrible name, and "Golden Hoofield" is downright abominable.

But enough about my idiosyncratic desire for more appearances by thematically appropriate background ponies!  Click on down below the break for my idiosyncratic thoughts on the first sentences of stories I've recently read.

Mini-Reviews Round 105

So apparently, we're looking at another year-long hiatus after season five ends.  Now, I'm not a marketing expert, but isn't MLP still the closest thing that Discovery Family has to a cash cow?  I mean, I get that the gap is probably so that they have time to push out the movie and some more Equestria Girls, but shouldn't keeping fresh episodes of your biggest show coming take priority over limited-release or direct-to-video movies?

It may well be that there's a perfectly good reason why this is a fiscally sensible decision; I just can't imagine, with my limited knowledge and nonexistent industry background, what it would be.  Anyway, reviews of the mini- variety, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 134: Would It Matter If I Was?

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We finally got eggnog in the stores today!  Well, sort of; for some insane reason, the grocery store only has "lite" eggnog right now, and in only one brand.  Who decided that there was no market for real eggnog yet?  For that matter, who decided there was no market for real eggnog year-round?  Goodness knows, I'd guzzle that stuff straight through July if it was as easy as going to the store and buying a quart.

Speaking of things which you can (apparently) never have enough of, how about another changeling fic?  My review of GaPJaxie's Would It Matter If I Was?, below the break.

FiMFiction vs. Fanfiction.net: an Absolutely, 100% Definitive Comparison of Authorial Quality

Recently, I've seen a few separate instances of discussion on the relative quality of stories on FiMFiction versus fanfiction.net--notably here, and in a few smaller comments and discussions as well.  It goes without saying that the latter's UI is... not optimal, but what about the user base itself?

Well, my experiences with FF.net have all been pretty negative, but that's purely anecdotal (even if the person anecdoting is me).  What if we tried looking at a random cross-section of stories from FiMFiction, and from various fandoms on FF.net?  What would we find?

I thought I'd find out.  So, head down below the break to see what I did, and what I found out.

Fandom Classics Part 133: Night Guards

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I was recently introduced to the phrase "surrender cobra," which describes a pose, often adopted by disbelieving fans as their favorite team snatches defeat from the jaws of victory, wherein they place their hands on the back of their head with elbows out, not unlike a cobra's hood.  I have no strong feelings about the pose itself, but I've gotta say: "surrender cobra" is an inspired name.  Catchy, evocative, and descriptive, all at once.  A+ phrase-coining to whomever came up with that name!

On an unrelated note, check out my review of Raugos's Night Guards, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 104

I am beyond sick and tired of the reflexive "I don't know" as the response to all teacher queries.  I know public education is supposed to be free, but I am seriously, like, two hundred "I don't know"s (that works out to about three days) away from creating a swear jar.  Make the little devils pay a dollar every time they say "I don't know" without even pretending to think about the answer.  Y'all weren't like that, were you?  Actually, I don't even care how you answer that, just don't say "I don't know."

Anyway, a few short reviews, below the break.

A bit of this and that to tend to your reading and/or pony needs

It's been a while since I've done a grab bag-ish post, but here we are: I have several things I have a little bit to say about, and no fic to say a lot about.  Click down below the break for an amalgam of stuff!

Mini-Reviews Round 103

Happy day-before-Halloween, everyone!  In honor of the day's modern branding, let's talk about some darkfics, shall we?  My short-form thoughts on three short stories, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 132: A Night (to Try) to Remember

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One of the kids I work with has recently taken to calling me "Mr. Chuck Norris," asserting that Chuck and I are perfect doppelgangers (for those of you now trying to picture me as him: we aren't).  I'm choosing to take it as a compliment for the time being, though I can't help but think that the subtle implication might be that I look like I'm 70-odd years old.  Whatever; I'll take a comparison to the quintessential Texas Ranger any day.  On an unrelated note, have a review!  My thoughts on zaptiftun's A Night (to Try) to Remember, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 102

You know, it might just be because I was slightly pretty drunk by the time I got home on Saturday night and watched the newest episode, but I really liked Hearthbreakers.  Lots of cute humor; Pinkie's family were all one-note characters, but they were all amusing notes, none of which the episode sat on too long before moving to a different character.  And seeing a bunch of family traditions is neat!  Also, quakers, light shipping (poor Cheerilee...), and other good stuff.  The only downside?  No Carrot Top!

She shared her Hearth's Warming with Fluttershy, which introduced its own set of complications

Anyway, here are some short reviews of things I've recently read.  Check it out below the break!

Fandom Classics Part 131: Canterlot Cantata

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We've got some reviewers hitting milestones, lately!  City of Doors is going to get to 500 review posts today, most with three to six fics in them, while PresentPerfect just hit 2600 total fics reviewed.  Me?  Well, you can see the number of Fandom Classics up at the top of the post.  But when you add in another 150-ish 6-star reviews, plus probably 350 or so fics in the mini-reviews, and... well, okay, I'm nowhere near the raw numbers of those two.  Still, the only way to catch up is to review, right?  So here comes one more!  Head below the break for my take on Ringcaat's Canterlot Cantata.

Conclusive Proof that I'm Not a Time Traveler from the Future

As you probably already know, if you aren't stumbling upon this site for the first time (and if you are: hello!), I'm one of the curators of the Royal Canterlot Library.  Being a curator there is pretty straightforward: when one of us reads something amazing, we recommend it to the group, and if the rest of the crew thinks they're right about its amazingness, we feature it.

But we generally only feature an author once--we don't want to just keep featuring the same half-dozen authors' stories in a never-ending cycle, do we?  And this can lead to a tragic problem: sometimes, an author writes something really amazing after we've already featured them!  More than once, I've gotten ready to type up a fic recommendation, only to realize that the story I just read is by someone we've already spotlighted.  So today, we're taking a look at stories I read, loved... and wasn't able to suggest to the RCL.  Find them, below the break!

Mini-Reviews Round 101

Not much to say about today's episode; it was what it was, which (in the context of "episodes of MLP") is a pretty good thing to be.  Better throw the obligatory Carrot Top screenshot out there, though:

She'd have been more concerned if Pinkie wasn't wearing a Groucho mask, frankly

Also, how do you make a "baby carrots" joke and then not use Carrot Top?  Come on, she was made for that joke.  Literally; she's got a bushel of carrots on her butt!  This was her moment!

Ah, well; no episode is perfect.  Anyway, let's do some fanfic reviews!  Get 'em below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 130: Things Better Left Unseen

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It's starting to get cold out, again.  I'm not a fan of coldness in principal; one of the greater disappointments of my life was discovering that not only does global warming pose a potentially catastrophic threat within my lifetime, but that it probably won't even make cold winters go away.  Even my silver lining, stripped away.

...Okay, enough about that, though.  Let's talk about my review of Take's Things Better Left Unseen, conveniently located below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 129: Just Words

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If you've never heard of Kahoot, it's a site that lets you design quizzes for a class of students to do competitively on computers or ipads--it tracks score based on both speed and number of questions correct, and I've used it regularly in the past for review activities (nothing like a little competition to get kids to pay attention!).  The site also lets the students pick their own names (which the teacher can delete if they're inappropriate) each time they do a new quiz, which is where this all ties into MLP.  My rule is that students need to use their real first names, but can add emojis or other stuff if they want to; as long as I can tell who they are from the name.  When the students in one of my classes started entering their names for a review quiz today, one boy put in "[name] Scootaloo," which I don't think any of the other kids picked up on.  Put a smile on my face, it did--guess he must have liked the latest episode.  Wouldn't have pegged him for a ponyfan, either, but then again, this fandom's been all about defying demographic expectations from the start, hasn't it?

Anyway, enough about work; how about some fanficcing?  Click down below the break for my review of Device Heretic's Just Words.

Episode Talk: S5E18, Crusaders of the Lost Mark

I don't normally do this in back-to-back weeks... but then, MLP doesn't usually have two episodes in a row that I have a bunch of opinions about.  As always, this isn't a comprehensive review; think of it as "a bunch of Chris's opinions on what he watched."  So go get some slightly-late opinions, below the break!

Mini-Reviews Round 100

And now, your totally-unwanted fantasy football update: my team's actually doing pretty well, so far!  Mostly, that's the result of getting lucky on a couple of late-round draft choices; Larry Fitzgerald and Devonta Freeman have unexpectedly been a couple of the best players in fantasy over the last few weeks, and I'm reaping the benefits.  I'd love to say I grabbed them because I'm a savvy drafter... but given that my second-round pick was LeSean McCoy, I probably shouldn't pretend I know what I'm doing.

Enough about things you aren't interested in, though; on to fanfiction!  Short-form reviews of stuff I recently read, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 128: Flitter

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Hey, a changeling story!  It's been a while since I've done one of these for a Fandom Classic post.  In fact, you'd have to go back to June to find the last changeling-centric review, and that was of a parody fic; the last review of a serious changeling story was from the beginning of May.

I mention this to pre-empt anyone tempted to glance at the cover art and mutter, "Oh great, another changeling fic."  Say what you will about the rest of the fandom, I try my best to vary the subject matter of the fics I review.  Now, head on down below the break for my thoughts on Nyerguds' Flitter.

Episode Talk: S5E17, Brotherhooves Social

I've idly mused on trying to brew my own beer in the past, so for my birthday, my sister got me an everything-included beer-making starter kit; it comes with all the equipment, mash and yeast for your first batch, etc.  So this weekend, I thought I'd get that first batch going... only to discover that the one thing that isn't included is a handful of chestnuts, which you're supposed to boil with the mash.  I don't even know where to get chestnuts; do they sell them at grocery stores?  Eh, I'll figure it out next week; if I'm lucky, I'll have home brew in time for Thanksgiving, at least.

But hey, Saturday wasn't a total bust; at least we got another new episode!  Click below to see my slightly-delayed thoughts on it.  As usual, I'm saving the true analysis for the legions of episode reviewers who enjoy doing that; what follows are more "reactions and things that caught my eye."  Onward!

Mini-Reviews Round 99

It's getting cold, and that can only mean one thing: it's time to get raking!  I have two maple trees in my yard, but they're different species, and one starts dropping leaves just about the time the other has finished its pre-winter molt, so raking season for me lasts upward of six weeks.  Hey, at least it's better than shoveling snow, right?  Anyway, mini-reviews below the break; go find out what I read recently, and what I thought of it!

Fandom Classics Part 127: A Filly's Guide to Not Making Headlines

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If you haven't seen it already, the Royal Canterlot Library is doing something a little different to celebrate our second anniversary: we're going to feature a second story from an author who we've already spotlighted once before, and we're looking for reader feedback on what fic we should chose!  Details over here--go vote for your favorite(s), or nominate one that hasn't been suggested yet.

And, once you do that, you can head down below the break to see my review of Bradel's A Filly's Guide to Not Making Headlines.

Mini-Reviews Round 98

So, does anyone have any idea when "DEEZ NUTS" will stop being the acme of middle-school humor?  Because I kind of assumed it would go away after a year or two... and that was rather more than a year or two ago.  Point is, I'm getting real tired of hearing it, and (for the occasional student who takes their schooling especially seriously), seeing it turned in on assignments.  Whatever; short reviews of hip-hop-slang-less writing, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 126: Hiatus

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I am sick.  The good news is that it's not a pain- or body-fuction-based illness, but whatever it is, I've been absolutely exhausted for the past few days.  I've been napping all day, and still feeling tired whenever I so much as contemplate getting up to fix myself a meal.  Bah.

Well, could be worse, I suppose; "debilitatingly exhausted" is a much better thing to be than... well, than most things where the first word is "debilitatingly."  Still, I've got this fic review all ready to post, so I figure I can at least manage to get an above-the-break bit typed up for it, sick or no, right?  Right!  Now, head on down below for my review of Vargras's Hiatus.

Unlikely Fandom Classic Crossovers

Some of you who've been around for a while may remember Benman, as either an author or as the guy who posted RCL interviews to FiMFic before PresentPerfect took over.  Considering his varied and highbrow contributions to the fandom, it's no wonder that the first thing that springs to my mind when I think to him is--of course--a series of gag posts he put together.  I'm talking, of course, about his various Unlikely Crossovers posts he did, mashing up the titles of two fics and writing up a snarky blurb explaining what the resulting story might look like.

I liked those, so I did some more, pulling from the Fandom Classics I've reviewed--so if you more-or-less keep up with the blog, hopefully you know at least enough about all the stories being mashed to recognize them, and to get the joke.  Without further adieu, I present...

Mini-Reviews Round 97

So, how about that new episode?

...Actually, I haven't watched it yet.  For no particularly good reason, I'm finding myself terribly free time-impaired lately.  I've got to find a few more hours in the day, I think.  Luckily, I've got a couple of stories read and awaiting comment; check them out below the break!

Fandom Classics Part 125: Felt Heart

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A social studies teacher at work showed me the greatest edutainment video ever.  Do you love stupid puns?  Do you have only a tenuous grasp on why the American colonists wanted independence from Britain (hint: because the brits were evil)?  Did I mention the puns?  Like, every-proper-noun-levels of punning?  Then check out Pups of Liberty: The Dog-cleration of Independence, post-haste!

The history may have been... questionable, but I like the animation style.  And those puns, man, those puns.

If you're looking for an actual story, though, head on down the break to see what I think of Tchernobog's Felt Heart.

Dissenting Opinion: First Sentences

Time for a guest post!  When I was looking for material to share while I was on vacation, Inquisitor M--noted author, editor, and pre-RCL inductee--offered to help out.  He had a great idea, but didn't quite get it finished before I left.  Now that it's here, however, I can assure you all that it was worth the wait.  Anyway, I'll let him take it from here...

-----

Greeting, ponyphiles!

Back when Chris asked for guest posts, he approached me about penning something in regard to my disagreements over the way he judges first sentences. I did some groundwork, but the post ended up too long every time, and then I had my bottom thoroughly spanked by depression for about a month.

Things are finally looking up, and the time has come to get this thing written. And this time, it is going to be as long as it needs to be, so buckle up and blame Chris.

Or Canada.

-Scott

First Sentences In (Fan)Fiction the 7th

The mini-hiatus is over, but I must admit that Canterlot Boutique didn't do much for me.  It certainly wasn't a bad episode, but I couldn't make much of the message behind it.  Or the economics; how is Rarity planning to support both the Canterlot and Ponyville stores with only stuff she makes?  I've seen other people suggest she'll be able to support herself with a "unique designs only" policy based on the last part of the episode, but I don't buy it; her manager sold 100 Princess Dresses at full price in less time than it took Rarity to unload five original designs, and those five were all at sale prices to boot.  Seems to me that Canterlot Boutique isn't long for this world, unless Rarity either learns to embrace mass production and a designer role for herself in her fledgling empire, or closes down the Ponyville branch to focus on supporting a single store.

Or maybe the Magic of Friendship will prove as effective at handling unsustainable business practices as it is at vanquishing unbeatable monsters.  Yeah, probably that one.  Anyway, click down below the break for my thoughts on the first sentences I've read recently!

Mini-Reviews Round 96

Football is back!  You'll all be indifferent to know that I've put my stinking-it-up streak on the line by entering the same fantasy football pool I always do.  I felt like I had a pretty good draft, which probably means I can pencil in another season at about 4-8, following season-ending injuries to any or all of Eddie Lacy, Drew Brees, LeSean McCoy, or Alshon Jeffery.  Oh wait; those last two are already listed as "questionable" on their respective injury reports, and their teams haven't even played their first games of the season.  Its... it's gonna be a long year, I think.

But let's talk about things y'all presumably do care about, like fanfiction!  Short reviews, below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 124: The Brony International Guard

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

The first few days back at work after the summer off always leave me feeling tired; I'm not an "up at five" person by nature, and even though I try not to let my sleeping habits completely revert during vacation, I never quite succeed.  Having to get up early every day is hard.

Of course, if both the sleep studies that've been done on children and teens, and my own experience, are anything to go by, then it's even harder for the kids.  Ah well; as complaints about work go, "starts too early in the morning" isn't the worst one to have.  Now head down below the break for my review of psychicscubadiver's The Brony International Guard!

Mini-Reviews Round 95

Ever since I've gotten back from vacation--even well after I've gotten "caught up" on everything I missed--I've been feeling very behind on almost everything.  Probably not a good thing to be feeling right as the school year is about to begin.  Oh well, at least it's not quite time to face the music/children again quite yet.  If you're looking for some suggestions on what to read (or not) on your last day of the Labor Day weekend, click down below the break!

Fandom Classics Part 123: The Price of Grace

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

Hey, it's Fandom Classic number 123!  I don't have anything to add to that, other than that 123 is fun to type.  123, 123, 123!  Your results may vary; I actually pick up my left hand and put the ring finger on the 1 to type numbers, rather than using the number pad or staying on the home row and beginning from my pinkie like your supposed to, and either of those methods are probably less satisfying.

But enough about typing idiosyncrasies; on to reviews!  My thoughts on Sparkle's The Price of Grace, below.

For a Change, Let's Talk About Actual Books (Part 19)

To answer the question resounding through the minds of the Chris-review fandom: yes, I'm aware that Somber's Project Horizons, the most famous Fallout: Equestria side-story, is now complete.  Seeing as it clocks in at well over one and a half million words, though, don't expect to see it reviewed anytime soon.  Maybe over vacation next year, but I'm not even committing to that.  It's... it's a lot of words, is what I'm trying to say.

Speaking of vacation, though, I always take the opportunity to go to a few used bookstores and stock up, and now I'm enjoying going through all the stuff I bought!  Click below the break for my thoughts on the stuff I'm currently reading.

Mini-Reviews Round 94

Just a couple today, and not even a clever lead-in up above.  Click below for mini-reviews!

The Five Commandments of Message Fiction

Today's bit of ranting-about-writing deals with what seem to be a few of the common pitfalls among writers who are trying write a story with an explicit message or moral.  Click down below the break for my thoughts on how not to bore or insult your readers!

Fandom Classics Part 122: The Life and Times of a Winning Pony

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

Okay, my internet works again!  In fact, it works significantly faster than it used to, supposedly; the new router claims to have more than doubled my download speed, but everything seems to be moving at about the same clip to me.  Of course, that clip was already perfectly fast for my needs, so it's not like I'm complaining.

But now, the review you've all been waiting for!  Click down below the break for my entirely-too lengthy thoughts on Chengar Qordath's The Life and Times of a Winning Pony.

Good news, everybody: as of about six hours prior to this post going up, I'm home!

Bad news: while I was gone, my router died, and I'm typing this on my phone.  Another day or two of mobile internet only for me, so don't expect to see any more comments from me until then; setting up this post and typing this much has already taken me more than ten minutes, which is a pretty poor payout.

Still, trip was good, cat's still angry at me for leaving, and my friend just dropped off several pounds of garden produce for me, so all in all things are golden.  Hopefully, Life and Times review come Wednesday!

Quality vs. Caliber

Today brings our run of guest posts to an end, and to take us (and me!) home, I'm calling an old standby in to bat cleanup.  That's right, today's column comes courtesy of Pascoite, man whose work as a writer, pre-reader, and editor more than speaks for itself, and who's done this a few times before.  Head down below the break to see his thoughts, which I think make a nice follow-up to DannyJ's column on Wednesday: having discussed what can or can't be said objectively about a fic, now let's look at the difference between "I don't like this story" and "this is a bad story."  Get it below the break!

Objective Quality

"People often say that comedy is subjective... and it is.  But then, so's almost everything else about writing, and we can still speak intelligently about "good" and "bad" stories, can't we?"

I said that at the bottom of Monday's post (you did read all the way to my blurb at the bottom, right?  Right?)... but if writing is so darn subjective, then how can we have a conversation that doesn't just devolve into unsupported opinion-slinging?  How can we talk about any sort of writing at all without prefacing our statements with "but that's just what I think?"

Today, that question is answered, courtesy of DannyJ.  You might know him from either his comments on this blog, or his various stories.  Click down below the break for his ideas of what we can--and can't--say about stories in the category of "factual statements."

Random Humor and You: A Very Serious Primer

Monday is a day when everyone needs a little pick-me-up... unless you're on vacation, in which case hahahaha I'm on vacation and you're not!

...But since you aren't, I figure the least I can do is brighten your day a bit by sharing a post from an author perhaps best-known for his comedy and his knack for walking the line between ridiculous fun and just plain ridiculous.  I'm talking about Aragon--and if you think he's got some absurd stories, take a gander at his blog.  Today he's got something to share that he has plenty of experience with: what makes a comedy, and especially a random/comedy, sink or swim.  Head down below the break for thoughts on avoiding the dreaded "dumb and pointless" tar pits which ensnare so many would-be comic authors.

Strength of Character(s)

Fridays aren't all that different from any other days when you're on vacation... but I'm going to go ahead and assume (as I sit here typing this, two weeks ahead) that it's a fine Friday nonetheless.  

Here to complement that Friday fine-ness is Bachiavellian, an author whom you might know for a story popping around near the top of the Top-All Time list on FiMFic as I type this (knowing the volatility of that list, it'll probably have a couple new downvotes by the time this post goes up, but what're ya gonna do?), but whom you really should know for his RCL-induction-earning, quintessential sad-tagged Carrot Top story.

...What?  Yes, I have a soft spot for Carrot Top, but that's a story that more than stands on its own merits.  Now, head down below the break for Bachiavellian's thoughts on how to conceive and create compelling characters.

Guest Review: In a Tavern, Down by the River

Welcome to the first guest post of the vacation!  Don't worry, I'll still be around up above the breaks, and with a sentence or three at the end of the post (because lord knows I have to have the last word on everything).  But the content?  That's all outside material... and speaking of, let's get to some content!  Today's installment is brought to us by Icy Shake, someone who's been around this blog as a commenter, and has earned his chops editing for ponyfic authors.  No, nobody you've ever heard of, just no-names like Somber and The Descendant.  Today, he takes a shot at reviewing with an analysis of Lysis's In a Tavern, Down by the River.  Click down below the break to see what Icy has to say, and to find out whether this is the fic for you!

Here's What's Going to Happen for the Next Couple of Weeks

By today, I should already be in Arizona, for my annual trip to visit family at exactly the wrong time of year to visit Arizona.  Man, we need to plan these things better.

Luckily for you all, that doesn't mean a two-week hiatus for the blog!  I've got five great posts lined up, and it's a nice mix of material; we've got a fanfic review, we've got some writing advice, and we've got some thoughts on how to analyze and talk about fiction.  Having already read through everything, I can tell you all firsthand that there's some really exciting stuff coming up, starting on Wednesday.

And of course, vacation isn't just a time for playing cards and sipping scotch; it's also a great time to get some reading done.  In the past, I've used a couple of "free" weeks to tackle some fanfic behemoth or other, and this year's no exception: while I'm gone, I'll be ploughing through Chengar Qordath's The Life and Times of a Winning Pony, which is one of the most-requested stories for me to review.  Making time to read over 350,000 words is usually a challenge, but hey; that's just a bit over half of Fallout: Equestria, which I read on my first blog-vacation.  Expect to see the review when I return!

But for now, everyone play nice while I'm gone.  I've got a smartphone, so I should be able to check in on things while I'm gone, but I've also got dumb thumbs, so don't expect to hear from me unless something goes spectacularly wrong.  Besides, what's the point of a vacation where you aren't getting away from it all?  So with that said...

See you all on the 24th!

Another Story In Which Chris Played an Ancillary Role

Almost a year and a half ago, Jetfire returned to the fandom after a long semi-hiatus, and brought with him the first few chapters of what would turn out to be a 230,000 word, sprawling sequel to his best-known work It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door (which I reviewed back here)... and asked if anyone would be interested in looking over his stuff.  I messaged him some notes on what he'd published so far, and since then, have been pre-reading for him.  Yesterday, the last two chapters of that story were published, and Besides the Will of Evil was finally completed.

It's been an interesting journey, to say the least.  Where Dangerous Business was primarily done in the style of Tolkien, Will draws on multiple sources for its literary inspiration.  The result is a darker, earthier story--but one which nevertheless centers itself around the same morals and worldview as Dangerous Business did.  It's epic fantasy in the traditional sense of the phrase, and if you've been reading my reviews for a while, you know that plays to my tastes.

If that sounds like your sort of thing, go ahead and give this now-officially-finished story a try!  I know a lot of people like to wait for their fics to be completed before diving in, so consider this your notice that now's the time.  And if you do decide to check it out, then when you get to some particularly powerful passage... well, odds are I didn't have anything to do with it, specifically.  But hopefully you enjoy, anyway!

Mini-Reviews Round 93

Remember that one episode with the yaks, Party Pooped?  Gotta say, the joke never got old for me; smashing stuff is a punchline that can't be repeated too much.

Anyway, now that it's over a month since said episode aired, and I realized I had multiple yak-followup fics on my read list, I figured it'd be a good time to take a look at a few and see how they hold up outside of the realm of hot takes.  Click down below the break to see some short reviews of short yak fics!

Fandom Classics Part 121: I'd Do Her

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

My cat likes to sprawl up against my legs, but he's faced a conundrum as of late: it's warm in the summer, he's got a fur coat, and pressing up against my leg means he gets too hot.  His solution?  He sits near my feet, and stretches out his paws until they're just barely touching my leg.  It's close enough for him, I guess.

He's sprawled down there as I type this, if you were wondering.  Anyway, go down below the break to get my review of Fire Gazer the Alchemist's I'd Do Her.

Mini-Reviews Round 92

I don't have any interest in talking politics on this blog... but political logos, that's another matter.  I've gotta say, after looking through the various campaign logos the presidential hopefuls are using, that I'm a big fan of Rand Paul's (logo).  Perry's, on the other hand, is barely readable to me (I couldn't even tell that was supposed to be a "P" in the middle at first glance).  It's kind of amazing to me that someone (someagency) got paid to come up with that.

I'd say "let's leave the trappings of politics behind," but if you'll click below the break, you'll see that that's not gonna happen.  Still, mini-reviews (with political symbolism), below the break!

Fandom Classics Part 120: Tyrant

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

Before we go any further, I want to call y'alls' (I believe that to be the proper way to pluralize the possessive version of "y'all"--please don't ask me to explain the efficacy of pluralizing the possessive version of "y'all") attention to this picture right here, on the grounds that it's the best thing ever.  I can confirm; this is what it's actually like over here at Ponyfic Review Headquarters.  Well, that's what it's like in the shared office we stick the peons in, anyway; I've got my own executive suite, and I can tell you, it's posh.  Soundproofed so that I don't have to hear the noise the little people/ponies make as they sort their reviews, done up in velvet trim, the shelves lined with specially commissioned illuminated copies of all the stories on my reading list... hey, all those fanfic review dollars have to go somewhere, you know?  Better to me than to those shlubs!

But enough about the hoi polloi; on to important stuff, like my reviews!  My thoughts on PaulAsaran's Tyrant, below.

Fandom Classics Part 119: The Monster in the Twilight

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

The Tour de France is over, which means I can stop getting up early again.  At least for another month or so, anyway.  Ugh; I didn't like early mornings a decade ago, or two decades ago, or... we're gonna stop that before I date myself, but the point is, I never liked early mornings.  What was younger me thinking, when he decided to get a job that would require getting up early all year except during the summer, and then decided to become a fan of cycling, which requires getting up early in the summer, too?

Bleh.  Bleh, I say!  But hopefully I won't have to say "bleh" about Georg's The Monster in the Twilight.  Find out if it's my lucky day, below the break.

Medium Displacement 101

First, news: after talking it over with my family, we're changing our vacation plans slightly.  I'll still be gone two weeks, but it'll be starting the weekend of the 8th, not the first.

What does this mean?  First, if you want to submit a guest post, you now have until the 5th of August to do so--details are back here.  I have enough commitments to get along, but this is a "more is better" situation.  Well, unless I get fifteen new offers or something, but the point, is, if you were thinking about doing one, the opportunity's still open and I love to share your work.  Also, it means I'll definitely be able to take part in this month's write-off!  Go me.

Now, on to today's babblings.  The topic du jour is one I've been asked about recently: how to tell if your story should be something other than a story--and what to do about it.

Mini-Reviews Round 91

Two mini-reviews (almost) in a row!  Truth is, though, that I've got plenty of stories on my "read, but not reviewed" list at any given time, so I might as well cut into that list before I have to refresh myself on those stories just to be able to comment on them.  Stuff, below the break!

Medical Stuff

Nothing horsewords related today.  Instead, I'm going to talk use this like the personal blog it ultimately is, and talk about my life.  Unfortunately, this is the kind of post that needs to begin with the phrase "everyone's okay," which is ironically among the least-reassuring ways to begin a conversation man has devised.

If you're just here for ponies and fanfiction, feel free to skip this; there's nothing here you need to know.

Mini-Reviews Round 90

One of my friends is moving to a no-pet apartment, and tried to get me to take her cat.  She probably thought I'd be open to it, since I already own one... but she didn't do a very good job selling it.  For reference, if you're ever trying to unload pets onto someone, you probably don't want to lead with "The only thing he really does wrong is that he likes to pee on people when they sleep."

...Yeah, I'll stick with my own, doesn't-pee-on-me-whether-I'm-asleep-or-not cat.

Mini-reviews below the break!

Fandom Classics Part 118: Pirates for a Day

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

I accidentally put the sequel to this story in the "Next time" bit at the bottom of the last Fandom Classics post, but it would be silly to review a sequel before a main story, wouldn't it?  Well, exceptional cases notwithstanding, anyway.  I may come back to Eternity sometime, seeing as it's quite a popular work in its own right, but that's for a later day.  Incidentally, remember that you can see what the next few Fandom Classics I have scheduled are here (or via the "Fandom Classics by Star Rating" link at the top of the page), and you can always send me suggestions for what I should review next.  As of typing this sentence, I have well over 100 recommendations, so I'm in no danger of running out anytime soon, but that doesn't mean more aren't welcome!

But that's for the future.  For the now, let's talk about Dawnfade's Pirates for a Day.

A New Story from Chris

Even in Dreams

Everypony has dreams. Some dream of superpowers. Others dream of fame and respect. Still others dream of creature comforts, or of achieving long-sought goals.

But what sort of dream can stop the Tantabus?

A Call for Guest Posts (and Some Other Stuff)

Today's post (and Monday's) come to you from scenic slightly-north-of-me; one of my co-workers needed some emergency house/pet-sitting, so I'm staying at his house for a few days while taking care of this little bundle of fuzz:

I was informed by reliable sources that it is required to include a picture

when one speaks of cute little dogs with yappy voices

I want to talk about a slightly longer upcoming absence, though: as those of you who've been around a while already know, I try to always take two weeks in summer to visit my relatives in Arizona, and this year those'll be the first two weeks of August.  And rather than leave this site in the lurch for two weeks (or worse, have to come up with that much of a buffer), I'm looking for some guests to fill in in my absence!  Some of you have done it before, others haven't, but there's no requirement for doing so other than the ability to write something interesting.  Click down below the break to find out more.

...And even if you aren't interested, click down if you want to find out what the results were of that questionnaire from last week.  It'd a double-whammy of non-reviews!

Fandom Classics Part 117: Mortality Report

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

I was Youtube surfing yesterday, and came back across this gem from early 2011.  Boy, that takes me back... none of the pony videos were in HD yet, PMVs were still novel (and rare) enough that you could reasonably watch most or all of them, and Dash got designated the "happy boy" because there were barely any male characters in the show yet.  Ah, good times; that video still puts a smile on my face.

Speaking of old stories, here's one from 2012!  Three whole years; in ponydom, that's practically forever!  And it's about oldness!  Triple-confluence!

...Anyway, click down below the break for my take on Bad Horse's Mortality Report.

NOTE: This review contains ending spoilers. Don't worry, they're behind a spoiler tag you have to click to read... but since I can't figure out how to put multiple spoiler tags into a single post, that means that today's star rating is unspoiled. Just FYI!

Episode Talk: S5E12, Amending Fences

Remember to pop over here and answer a few questions for me, if you're so inclined!

In fact, this is your last chance; I'll be closing the poll down tomorrow, and based on the responses I've already gotten, doing a post about the results later this week.  If you want to indulge me, you're almost out of time!

But in any case, feel free to click down below the break to check out my thoughts on Saturday's episode.

Fandom Classics Part 116: Of Apples and Roses and Thick Purple Proses

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

Remember to pop over here and answer a few questions for me, if you're so inclined!


Also, remember to tune into the Tour de France!  Thomas Voeckler's team Europcar still has the same dark green jerseys, the only time trial is on the very first day, and Bastille Day will also be the first serious mountain stage.  What else do you need to know?  The race starts July 4th, bright and early in US-time!

...I'm going to be the only guy who cares again, aren't I?  Oh well; click down below the break for something that's probably more to your self-selected tastes: my review of RavensDagger's Of Apples and Roses and Thick Purple Proses.

Mini-Reviews Round 89

Remember to pop over here and answer a few questions for me, if you're so inclined!

If you haven't done so already, don't forget to set your clocks one second back!  Wouldn't want to be late to any important appointments, after all; leap seconds always play havoc with my scheduling.  Hopefully I've got everything ready, and this post will go up at the usual midnight hour rather than at 12:00:01.  I'd hate to leave you waiting for your mini-reviews!  Which, incidentally, you can find below the break.

Fandom Classics Part 115: What I've Become

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

Remember to pop over here and answer a few questions for me, if you're so inclined!

I'll be leading with that for the next couple of posts, by the by; I've gotten about 30 answers already, but I want to make sure I catch any semi-regular visitors--I know some folks pop by weekly, for example, and I want to make sure they have a chance to tell me stuff, if they're interested in doing so.

Anyway, on to reviewing!  My thoughts on Knight Breeze's What I've Become, below the break.