tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81845629694715817442024-03-04T02:34:24.632-06:00One Man's Pony RamblingsOver six and a half years of Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfic reviews, commentary, and more!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger967125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-57577119230606731312018-06-28T20:46:00.001-05:002018-06-29T09:16:42.023-05:00A Short (5,000 Word) History of One Man’s Pony Ramblings, or: I Just Got Linked Here, What the Heck am I Looking At?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Don’t worry, we’ll start with a tl;dr.<br />
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I didn’t want “I’m quitting the blog, so long!” to be the top post on here for all eternity, and I really had been meaning to clean up the links at the top of the page. So, now I’m doing both. Here’s a post that explains what I’ve been up to for the last six and a half years, talks a little about the experience from my end, and otherwise tries to put a neat and tidy bow on the sprawling, messy, but incredibly rewarding experience of reviewing over 1000 FiM fanfics. If you’re ready for the marginally deep dive (or if you just want a fairly quick and concise answer to the second half of this post’s title), head down below the break one last time with me.<br />
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Okay, as promised, the tl;dr first: between the end of 2011 and the start of 2018, I ran this blog. During that time, I held pretty strictly to a M-W-F posting schedule, and although I posted a mix of stuff (writing advice, guest posts, <strike>whining about</strike> discussing the actual show <i>My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic</i>, pictures of Carrot Top aka Best Pony, etc.), the vast majority of it was fanfiction reviews. I started with what I called “Six-Star Reviews,” because in the fandom’s earlier days, Equestria Daily (the big-boy, all-purpose pony blog which was the undisputed fandom hub for several years) would allow users to rate fanfiction on a 1-5 scale, and anything that was popular enough with that crowd would get an honorary “6-star” rating. So, my original plan was to review all the six-star stuff, allegedly the best fanfiction the fandom had produced, and see what I thought of it.<br />
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Eventually, I added in “Mini-Reviews,” which were shorter reviews of stories that hadn’t achieved six-star status, but which I wanted to talk about anyway. And even later, after I’d reviewed every six-star fic (EqD got rid of star ratings for new stories after a couple of years, though old stories kept their former ratings), I transitioned to reviewing “Fandom Classics:” stories which were more broadly judged to be “particularly popular, influential, and/or important.” That’s a pretty broad category, and my Fandom Classics reviews are in no way complete (a quick glance at FiMFic’s most-viewed complete non-mature fics shows that I didn’t review three of the top twenty as I type this, for instance), but I caught a lot more “big” fics there, along with some flash-in-the-pan types that, trust me, were ALL THE RAGE for a few weeks, and some just genuinely good stories, too.<br />
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So! If you’re new here and don’t know what to do, try clicking around the “Fandom Classics,” “Six-Star Reviews,” and “Mini-Reviews” links at the top of the page. The stories in the first two are sorted first by the rating I gave them (highest-rated at the top), then by age of the review (oldest reviews at the top). Mini-Reviews are sorted oldest to newest. In other words, you’ll probably have the best experience if you start from the bottom of any star category instead of the top, since you’ll be reading my later reviews, from when I knew what I was doing. If you want to see some non-review stuff, check out the category links on the right-hand side of the page: “Episode Talk” gets you discussion (though generally, not reviews proper) of episodes I found particularly discussable; “First Sentences” takes you to analysis of, well, the first sentences of fanfics; “Actual Books” takes you to one-paragraph commentary on non-pony stuff I read, as I was reading it; “Guest Column” takes you to all the stuff written by other people; “Well Hello There Carrot Top” takes you to every post with at least one picture of Best Pony; and “Ramblings” takes you to posts that don’t fit well into any larger category, including general writing analysis, advice, comedy, and more. Those are the big categories, anyway; the rest are either sub-categories, or are entirely self-explanatory.<br />
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So, go click around at what interests you, and I hope you find something interesting!<br />
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Okay tl;dr over. Assuming that three beefy paragraphs can even be called a “tl;dr.” Now, if you were here for something a little more retrospective-y, let’s get to that part.<br />
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*****</div>
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<i>Once upon a time, there was a young man named Chris. He found FiM in January of 2011, right after it “exploded” in popularity, and right before it really exploded in popularity. As was the case for so many other young men, something about the show drew him in, and he started following the online fandom: looking at the fanart, listening to the music… and reading the fanfics.</i><br />
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I’ve always been a word person at heart, even though I’m a musician by training. So I ended up reading pretty much all the fanfiction I could get my grubby mitts on (which was not an impossible, or even particularly difficult, thing to do, that early in the fandom), and then started writing my own. I’d written fanfiction (and original fiction, for that matter) before, but it’d been about five years since I’d done any creative writing. My first efforts were largely underwhelming, but I kept at it, and during season one and the subsequent hiatus, I wrote several increasingly not-bad stories--and continued to read.<br />
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But it wasn’t long before the fandom’s fanfic production outstripped my free time. No longer was reading (or even starting) every fanfic a realistic possibility. So what’s a man to do? Well, get more discriminating, of course! So I narrowed down my selections, skipped over anything with obvious grammatical problems in the description, passed on those genres that didn’t hold my fancy, and generally got a bit more selective.<br />
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The problem with that, of course, is that you can miss out on a bunch of good stuff that way. I’d stopped reading crossovers because most of them are terrible and most of those that aren’t still don’t appeal to me… but glancing at my all-time personal favorite ponyfics, about 10% are tagged “crossover.” Those are stories I’d miss entirely in the name of “being selective.” So what’s a guy to do, if he doesn’t want to inadvertently pass over something he’d love, if he just gave it a chance?<br />
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Why, get some recommendations, of course!<br />
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The problem was, there weren’t any recommendations. Well, not as a whole, anyway; you could go to 4chan’s MLP General thread, or to one of the pony-specific chans that had cropped up, and ask for recommendations, but that’s a crapshoot--and a one-time offering, to boot. You could read through the comments on each story to see if someone had offered a meaningful description of the story’s strengths and weaknesses, but usually nobody had, and besides, clicking through every story’s comments isn’t exactly a timesaver. What I really wanted was a ponyfic reviewer, but (as far as I could tell) none existed.<br />
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My occasional search for ponyfic reviews continued for several months, until I came to a realization: it sounded like it’d be fun to try, so why didn’t I just do some myself? If I didn’t enjoy it, I’d just stop, and maybe someone else would start reviewing fanfiction, too. Then I could read <i>their</i> reviews, just like I wanted to!<br />
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So, I created a blog: One Man’s Pony Ramblings. Only problem was, I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, other than that I had a vague idea of “read fanfiction.” But after a couple of days, I came up with the general format which would be OMPR’s hallmark: the Six-Star Review.<br />
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The advantages of reviewing six-star fics from my perspective were obvious: it was an (at the time) ever-growing list, so if it turned out I liked doing this I could keep at it a while; it provided a pre-created list of fics from a variety of genres which, allegedly, were pretty good; and, since these were all stories that had already received a fair level of adulation, I wouldn’t have to feel to bad if I said that I didn’t think one of them was particularly good. In practice, I almost always <i>would</i> feel bad about that, but in theory, it encouraged me to believe that my review, should the author ever read it, as unlikely to “inspire” them to quit writing forever. That’s something I don’t want on my conscience.<br />
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I also came up with the general format for future Six-Star and Fandom Classic Reviews: start with my impressions based off the title/tags/cover art/description/what I’ve heard about it, follow with a brief summary, then a more meaty review, aimed at discussing what does or doesn’t work well about the fic, then a rating on a 1-5 scale (with 1 meaning “typical fanfiction on down;” one follower smartly described it as a 1-10 scale where everything between 1-5 gets smushed together at the bottom. My thought here was that, as my audience was readers rather than authors, there’s not much value in distinguishing between “really bad” and “okay, but not particularly worth seeking out”) and a bottom-line recommendation. My plan was do do a dozen or so reviews, and see if I liked it. If not, I could just quietly delete the blog and nobody would be the wiser. If it felt like something I’d enjoy continuing, maybe I’d see about linking to it on ponychan or something.<br />
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I never got that far, though, because early-fandom author Ezn apparently was as hungry for fanfic reviews as I was! After less than two weeks, he’d somehow found my blog (I can only assume by googling “MLP fanfiction review” or something similar), and shared it around ponychan. A month or so after that, it got linked on Equestria Daily (which, at the time, was still somewhere that <i>everyone</i> in the fandom visited), and suddenly I had an audience. Some of them even stuck around and started commenting!<br />
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It’s worth noting that I’d never reviewed <i>anything</i>, and certainly not fanfiction, up to this point. And… it showed. My seventh review, of <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2011/11/6-star-reviews-part-7-singing-to-moon.html">uSea’s <i>Singing to the Moon</i></a>, is a good example of how far I had to go as a reviewer: in it, I spend half of the “review” portion of the review complaining about a couple of youtube links (which the author then removed, no less…), then basically say, “but everything else was pretty good, four stars!” Like most beginning reviewers, I spent a lot of time on grammar and technical decisions, because those are easiest to adjudicate; only as I continued to practice would I start approaching fanfiction with an eye toward bigger-picture stuff, and start trying to hone in on what did or didn’t inhibit my enjoyment of a story--and on how idiosyncratic those elements might be.<br />
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In this, I was greatly aided by the cadre of regular commenters who offered suggestions, opinions, and advice, not just on the stories themselves, but on my reviews thereof. Some, like Ezn, Bobcat, and Sessalisk, were mostly there for the early going; others, like iisaw, xjuggernaughtx, and Holly Oats, came on board a bit later; and some, like PresentPerfect and Pascoite, have been filling the comments section with great advice, counterpoints, and <strike>occasional</strike> <strike>frequent</strike> basically constant editing corrections for all six-plus years. Thanks to them, and literally hundreds of others, some of whom left only a single comment and others who left hundreds, I like to think… well, no, I know that my reviewing has improved by leaps and bounds. And more importantly, that my ability to read critically, and to analyze what I’ve read, has grown by orders of magnitude. That’s a critical skill that I’ve vastly improved at, thanks mostly to all of you who took the time to comment.<br />
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And that’s all without getting into the comments that were “just” to say thanks: thanks for reviewing my story; thanks for recommending that I read this, I just finished and I loved it; thanks for that analogy in your last review, it ended up helping me with something I’m writing right now; and not least, thanks for writing this blog. I put “just” in quotation marks, because anyone who’s ever done anything ongoing for public consumption (say, writing fanfiction…) knows how crucial positive feedback is. I kept doing this blog as long as I did because I enjoy it, of course, but it’s no exaggeration to say I never would have kept at it as long as I did if I wasn’t constantly being reminded that, in some small way, I was making a difference to people.<br />
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There are far, far too many comments and e-mails to that effect that I’ve received over the years for me to share them all, even though I’d like to (besides, hundreds of “Thanks Chris, you’re awesome Chris, have my babies Chris” quotes would probably be just slightly self-aggrandizing). So instead, I’d like to pick one out to highlight: <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-long-delayed-admission.html?showComment=1520405669485#c1597422897882608518">a comment that ponyfic author Bachiavellian left on my “Goodbye” post a few months ago.</a> To quote a short bit of it:<br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">I've been reading your blog since I was seventeen (gosh!), which means that your horse-words have been a staple of mine for my entire adult life. I've graduated, found a job, lost it, and then found another and another all to the tune of One Man's Pony Ramblings.</span> </blockquote>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">I sincerely wish I had left more comments, because I COULD have. Your entries had wit, brain, and soul. I'd read your blogs in the morning and think about them all day. They were special, and I really should have expressed how important they were to me.</span> </blockquote>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">You might not remember, but I actually emailed you for some advice, all the way back in 2014 when I was writing my first piece of fanfiction ever. Frankly, I was a nervous mess, and the fact that you gave me a thoughtful and helpful response meant the world to me. Because of you, writing is a part of my life, and I'm so grateful for that.</span> </blockquote>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">Thank you so much for this blog. It has been nothing but a joy for me during the past six years.</span></blockquote>
There’s a lot in here that can stand as a brief representation of other comments I received over the years which kept my morale up, from fandom authors whom I know and respect, as well as from people who are strictly ponyfic consumers. Knowing that my blog was a part of someone’s routine has always been a bit mind-blowing to me; it makes me feel at once very important, and very small. But no matter how many times I’ve heard something, it’s always still humbling and heartening to hear it again; hearing these sorts of things, again and again, over the years, kept me plugging at OMPR through multiple jobs, mutiple short moves, and more than one family medical situation.<br />
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But the reason I chose this comment specifically to highlight is that third paragraph. As it turns out, I didn’t remember ever talking to Bachiavellian. Which seemed odd, because he’s an author I think highly of, and I was sure I’d remember if he asked me for advice on a story. So I went back through my e-mails, and sure enough, there it was--back before he’d published a single story, before I’d ever heard his name, he’d sent me a message, asking how one went about finding a pre-reader for their fanfic.<br />
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I can’t help but notice that it took me almost a week to respond, and that when I did, it was a friendly but rather impersonal list of places to look for help, along with a few editor/authors he might consider approaching directly. I probably didn’t put more than five minutes’ effort into that e-mail… but the story he was working on turned out to be <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/170599/shoots-and-roots">one that’s now among my all-time personal favorites</a>, and now I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I’d never responded to that e-mail. Considering both his talent level and the fact that he’d already written the story, I doubt it would have changed the course of his ponyfic career much… but who knows? Sometimes, the littlest things, delivered at the right time, make all the difference.<br />
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Which is all a roundabout way of saying that I’ve had hundreds of “littlest things” keeping me going, almost since the start. Like with me and Bach, maybe you could take one of them away and nothing would change… but we’re lucky enough to live in a world where that never needs be tested. And in practice, the encouragement and advice I’ve received over the years are precisely what made keeping this blog up such a joy.<br />
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On the subject of using the past tense: no, I’m not planning to bring OMPR back. The medical issue I alluded to when I formally acknowledged that I couldn’t keep this going is being much better-managed now, and the health of my family has likewise taken a sharp turn for the better in the past few months. But with that said, I just don’t have the same time and energy to devote to this blog as I did when I started, or even two years ago. I feel like it’s better to let this blog end at least semi-gracefully; as I said in the previous post, I’m not quitting the fandom or anything, and you can still find me on <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/user/13928/Chris">FiMFiction</a>. Anything further I do, in terms of fandom writing, reviewing, or whatever, it will either be there, or I’ll make a blogpost there about it.<br />
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But let’s get back to history! So, where were we? Started the 6-Star Reviews, found an audience, started improving… ah, I guess the next big thing is the Mini-Reviews. Not much to say about them, honestly: people kept asking if I’d review this-or-that that wasn’t a 6-star fic, and I didn’t have a great answer to that. This was all before “running out of 6-star fics” was a concern, so the Mini-Review posts were my shot at accommodating the interest in seeing some other stuff, both things recommended to me and a snapshot of my non-blog reading. By this time, I had a bit of a<i> reputation</i>; more than a few authors told me that they were beside themselves with anticipation and/or dread when they consulted a calendar and saw that, at my rate of posting, it would be X more weeks/months before it was their fic on the chopping block. I did my best to assuage the dread and accommodate requests (more than one author asked if I’d be willing to share my full notes on their story), and kept plugging away.<br />
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But eventually, EqD got rid of star ratings altogether--as the site had grown, they’d stopped being meaningful barometers of story quality (if they ever were) and instead became referendums on genre tags, cover art, and individual authors. That elimination wasn’t a problem at first, since I was still far short of having reviewed every 6-star fic, but it did give me a potential graceful exit point for my blog. One I blew right past, naturally.<br />
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Oh, I <i>thought</i> about ending it once I’d finished my 6-Star Reviews. I was especially tempted once the date got a little closer; since I’d been reviewing fics based on the order they appeared on EqD, and since that was by last update rather than date of publication, I’d inadvertently left myself with a bunch of longfics in the home stretch, and almost burned myself out trying to get useful reviews of a bunch of six-figure wordcount stories out in something approaching a timely manner. But the amount of support I got from readers encouraging me to keep going, plus the fact that, two years in, I finally felt like I was hitting some sort of reviewing stride (and, you know, the whole “I’m still enjoying this” part), kept me going. And so, Fandom Classics reviews became a thing: basically the same as the 6-Star Reviews, but now with a more generic “big-name, popular, and/or important stories” standard for selection.<br />
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One nice thing about transitioning to Fandom Classics was that I could set my reading order however I wanted; after that last run of 6-star fics, I wasn’t keen on repeating the experience of having a bunch of epic-length stuff back-to-back-to-back. So I took advantage of the relaxed format to try to vary my reading as much as possible. Every now and then, I’d go through the last dozen or so fics I reviewed, and see if there were any genres I’d been light on lately, or if I was leaning too heavily on fics from a specific season, or any other trends in my reading I could subvert. Although I didn’t have a pre-made list to keep my reading from becoming too narrowly defined by my own interests, I think that by then I’d come far enough to be able to maintain that diversity on my own.<br />
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Helped, of course, by several hundred recommendations. Probably more than a thousand, but a lot of them were repeats (I recall in particular that <i>Project: Sunflower, Twilight’s List, </i>and<i> Through the Well of Pirene</i> all were all recommended by a ton of people). Some of those recommendations had a faintly malicious ring to it, and a few times I felt like I was being sicced on a story that the recommender was hoping I’d tear to shreds, but when it came to compiling a list of well-known or influential fics to read, the efficacy of the masses was a tremendous boon.<br />
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This was also around the time that I published my third Carrot Top-centric fic over on FiMFiction. If you only came to OMPR in the last few years, then there’s a good chance you know me as “the Carrot Top guy.” Well, I wasn’t always! Okay, the avatar’s been around forever, but for a long time, that was about it. The whole Carrot Top <i>thing</i> was a slow-developing phenomenon. A couple of my earlier stories were about her, and I tend to be sympathetic to characters I write about (comes with trying to get in their headspace, I find). So then I wrote more about her, and then people started mentioning me when she was in the background of a particular episode, then I started seeking her out in the background of episodes, and pretty soon this blog had a tag specifically dedicated to those posts in which I scrounged up pictures of her and/or headcannoned about what she was up to while the main six were galavanting about center stage. I ended up being “the Carrot Top guy” by degrees.<br />
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Though I can hardly complain. She is Best Pony, after all, and it all ended up leading to <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/04/hold-freaking-presses.html">the nicest, not to mention most unexpected and amazing, thing the internet’s ever done for me</a>.<br />
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Speaking of things the internet’s done for me, let’s talk about the guest posts! Originally conceived as a way to keep up my posting schedule during my annual summer vacation without having to cram a bunch of extra reading into the weeks right before I left town, I would turn to the authors and blog readers of the fandom many times throughout OMPR’s run, and they never let me down. Over fifty columns, spanning all manner of topics writerly and fanfiction-y, it’s no exaggeration to say that some of the best stuff on this site wasn’t written by me. Ironic, considering the blog’s name, but if you don’t believe me, I invite you to discover the truth of it yourself; just click around that “guest columns” tag on the right-hand side of your browser.<br />
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Of course, part of that is that my own reviews weren’t always as good as they could have been. When you’re putting together about 150 posts a year, not every one will be your best work. Knowing that I had people who could and would call me out for shoddy work did wonders for keeping the quality from nosediving during my busier/more stressful stretches (despite the sometimes overwhelming temptation to skim a longfic after the first couple of chapters proved mediocre, I can proudly say that I never published a 6-Star or Fandom Classic review without first reading every word the author had published), and I’m especially grateful to the more curmudgeonly crowd--denizens like Bad Horse and the aptly-named Bugs the Curm--in this regard. Still, you wouldn’t have to go <i>far</i> to find a review where, perhaps, I blew one problem out of proportion, or let an issue I’d ravaged a different fic for slide without comment, or where I just totally failed to mention something that would be really important for a prospective reader to know, when they were trying to decide whether or not to read the fic in question.<br />
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Yeah, those things all happened, and not just once, either. But I feel confident saying that they happened less as I developed my reviewing chops, rather than happening more as my free time started evaporating over the years. Mixed-up sentences and to/too confusion probably started happening rather more often (although I’m going to clean this up as best I can before posting it, it’s dollars to doughnuts that even this post will have a few headdesk-inducing mistakes), which probably didn’t do my reputation as a reviewer any favors… but that’s life.<br />
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And life is what eventually killed the blog. As I said above, the specific things that forced me to stop earlier this year have improved, but even if I was totally raring to start OMPR up again, I’m not sure I could. Three posts a week is a <i>lot </i>of work (I have no idea how the handful of reviewers who have out-prolificed me since I started reviewing do it!), and I had far more free time back in 2011 than I do today. The fact that I had that schedule, as much as anything, is why I was able to keep going so long; M-W-F became my routine, a baked-in part of my daily life. It surprises many ponyfic people to hear, but I’m pretty bad at time management and deadlines in general in most aspects of my life. Now that that part of my daily schedule’s been removed, I don’t think I could fit it back in again if I tried. And if I tried to do something less intensive, I know that the fact that it <i>wasn’t</i> part of my daily routine would stop me from meeting whatever timeline I did set out. Don’t have the time to do too much, don’t have the dedication to do too little; it’s a regular Catch-22.<br />
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But be all that as it may, I feel a lot more positive now than I did when I made my hanging-up-the-cleats post back in March. Not only is RL better, but I can look back at my reviewing with at least a little distance between me and it and feel proud of what I’ve accomplished. It’s a queer sort of pride, one that’s difficult to share (I can’t exactly brag about this to my work buddies), but I’ll take it nonetheless. Over the course of more than six years, I wrote more than two million words of analysis. Some of it helped people find stories they loved, which they never would have read otherwise; some of it gave people a greater appreciation for the stories they had read; some of it people found entertaining in its own right; and all of it was a learning experience that I couldn’t have gotten in any other way.<br />
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There’s a ton of stuff I’m leaving out here. I’ve name-dropped maybe a dozen people, but that’s only a fraction of the ones whose names deserve recognition for how they shaped my blog and helped me improve. I’ve barely talked about any of the specific reviews, whether they’re the ever-quoted “Chris bashed such-and-such so hard” ones, the “Chris reviewed a famous divisive story, surely this will settle the question of its quality once and for all!” ones, or just the “Did Chris even read the same story as me?” ones. I didn’t talk at all about some of the more offbeat stuff that dotted the blog over the years, like when my love of <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2012/07/thomas-voeckler-is-best-pony.html">professional cycling</a> or <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2015/04/something-that-will-literally-only.html">hockey</a> would seep out of the above-the-break blurbs, or when I tried my hand at <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2015/11/fimfiction-vs-fanfictionnet-absolutely.html">snark</a> or <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/04/your-much-anticipated-april-1st-review.html">rage</a>, or basically any of the grab-bag of analysis, advice, and occasional soul-bearing that fill the “ramblings” tag. I haven’t really talked about my own writing, or the half-decade I spent reviewing stories for the <a href="https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/">Royal Canterlot Library,</a> because neither of those are really “One Man’s Pony Ramblings” things… but they’re still a big part of OMPR, just because they were a concurrent aspect of my fandom activities.<br />
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But I think that’s where it’s best to leave this. I’m already closing in on 5000 words, and I’ve got no desire to turn this into a two-parter. Instead, let me repeat myself one more time, and say that my time spent reviewing fanfiction through this blog was the most educational, enjoyable, and rewarding thing I’ve ever done related to creative writing, and that I know it will serve me well long after the FiM fandom as we know it is no more. The blog will still be right here, at least as long as Google doesn’t decide to start getting rid of clutter from its servers. And for the foreseeable future, I still plan to be around the fandom and on <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/user/13928/Chris">FiMFiction</a>. Perhaps less active than in the past, but around.<br />
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So, thank you all for making this such a wonderful experience for me. I hope I’ve given you something worth reading more often than not--both in my recommendations, and in my reviews themselves. I hope you continue to link to my reviews to win arguments across the internet (hint: it never works), and to perhaps read just a little bit more critically, and to find things to enjoy in the stories you read that you never would have otherwise.<br />
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I know I will.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-42792887497817067162018-03-06T20:57:00.002-06:002018-03-06T21:24:33.119-06:00A Long-Delayed AdmissionLet's not bury the lede: One Man's Pony Ramblings is closing its doors.<br />
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If you want or need to know more, I've got further information below the break. But the big news is that I won't be resuming this blog. It's been an amazing six and a half years; thank you all for making it such a fun and educational experience.<br />
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This has, frankly, been inevitable for weeks. It's been a month since my last post, and I'd been sporadically updating for a couple of months before that. But I've been trying to convince myself that things were going to turn around, and that when they did, I could pick up where I left off.<br />
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I've been debating how much of "things" to share; I mean, the knee-jerk reaction is to say that my business is <i>my business</i>, and all that. But a surprising number of people have e-mailed or messaged me in the past month, to express concern or support, and frankly, that's been a comfort to me. So the gist is this:<br />
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-For several months, I've been dealing with a chronic medical condition. It's not life-threatening, but has resulted in frequent bouts of anemia. I don't know if "bouts of anemia" is the right phrasing, but that's the English language for you. Anyway, it (and the current treatments, which seem to be improving things) have made it hard for me to perform tasks that require a lot of focus, like, say, attentive reading and reviewing.<br />
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-There was a rather frustrating-and-exhausting-to-deal-with work issue before the New Year, too, though thankfully that's been addressed. At least, until next school year, but frankly, I'm not thinking that far ahead right now.<br />
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-And in the last two weeks, a major health crisis for a family member has been unfolding, and it's very much uncertain what will happen day-to-day.<br />
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I hope I'm not being too vague, but I also don't feel comfortable being more specific in a basically-public place. In any case, I've got lots of friends and family who I can count on, and a strong support network, so please don't take this as a cry for help; support and sympathy are appreciated, but I'm holding up. I hope that's good enough to explain why the old "updates M-W-F" thing has gone the way of the dodo.<br />
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Anyway, I've resisted acknowledging this, but the fact is this: I'm not going to be able to get back to a regular posting and review schedule. And while I briefly entertained the idea of scaling back or switching to an "update whenever" schedule, I know that that's not something I could keep up. I need deadlines to be productive, and right now, I can't handle more deadlines than life is already throwing at me. And I just can't see that changing soon.<br />
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<b>To answer the blog-related questions</b>: the OMPR catalogue isn't going anywhere, and I'm not deleting anything; the blog will keep <i>existing</i>, it just won't be updated further. I'm not Leaving The Fandom Forever; you can still reach me at the same e-mail, or through <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/user/13928/Chris">my FiMFic account</a> (I'm still up for casual reading; I don't know what I'd do if I literally <i>couldn't</i> read!). Sometime in the future, but not necessarily soon, I'll probably put up a big honking retrospective with my thoughts about the OMPR "experience," and do a little tidying up around here (some of those links up top really need updating...). If I ever do do any more reviewing, it will either be on FiMFic or I'll at least link to it from there, so that's the place to watch if you're hoping to hear more from me (which, to be clear, I am <i>not</i> promising).<br />
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And I'll probably hit on this more in that retrospective, whenever I get to it, but I want to take a moment to thank everyone who visits or visited this blog. For the past six and a half years, you all have made fanfic analysis and commentary <i>fun</i> for me, and have helped me improve in countless ways. I've made friends and gained insights that I never could have imagined.<br />
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(And, you know, the <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/04/hold-freaking-presses.html">plushie</a> was incredible too)<br />
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I may not be going away-away, but recognizing that I have to step back from this is still hard--that's why it's taken me so long, even as the lack of posts didn't pile up. But I know that, as difficult as it is to give up something that's been a big part of your life for more than half a decade, this is the right choice for me now. Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-55105944258446071162018-01-31T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-31T00:00:31.220-06:00First Sentences in (Fan)Fiction the 26thFollowing up on the <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2018/01/first-sentences-in-fanfiction-25th.html">25th installments</a> "look at an author's oldest and most recent ponyfic" theme, here's a continuation with a few more high-output long-timers! Head down below the break to see how the first sentence they ever <strike>inflicted on</strike> put before the ponyfic public compares to their latest works.<br />
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<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">As a reminder, the first sentences here are being judged </span><i style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">as first sentences</i><span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">, using my patented HEITSIBPMFTSIATRAEMTCR ("how effective is this sentence in both preparing me for the story I'm about to read, and encouraging me to continue reading") scale. On that scale, a five equates roughly to "immediately evokes a specific tone, prepares the reader for the rest of the story, and encourages me to continue reading," a one is "makes me less likely to continue reading," and a three is "a perfectly adequate first sentence, which neither inspires great excitement or great dread." For each story, I'll give the title with a link to the fic in question. </span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">
<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Note that, as part of my ongoing tweaking/developing of these posts, I'll be taking a fairly liberal definition of "first sentence," so some "sentences" may be two (or more!) sentences long; "first complete idea" might be more technically accurate, but it's not as catchy. Additionally, the review of each sentence will be split into two parts. </span></blockquote>
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<b>OLD FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/4353/all-of-a-fluttershy">All of a Fluttershy</a>,</i> by Impossible Numbers<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> It was a gloriously sunny day on Sweet Apple Acres, which just goes to show what a pegasus can do when somepony gets her out of bed on time and makes sure she does her weather duties for a change.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> Semi-annual reminder that Impossible Numbers has been writing good stuff for more than seven years, produces content consistently, is <a href="https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/2017/01/20/impossible-numbers-lapidify-to-see-and-die/">an RCL inductee</a> (with a story of which my top-line summary was “Oh, this is lovely”)... and has under 200 followers. What's a guy gotta do to get some attention around here? Of course, then I have to look back and acknowledge that I've only reviewed one of his fics on this blog, myself. Maybe <i>I'm</i> the problem.<br />
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As for thoughts on this first sentence? It's hits most of the standard "this is why you shouldn't do weather report openings" complaints (the weather has no immediate relevance to the story, it's cliche, etc.), but it also has that lovely bit of characterization in its second half. Granted, that's <i>also</i> not particularly relevant--Rainbow Dash doesn't even appear or have a subsequent reference in the story's first scene--which makes this a prime candidate for cutting-without-losing-anything-of-note. So it's not a bad sentence in a vacuum, but it's a bit weak as an opening and doesn't lead anywhere. With that in mind, I'm calling this an upper-end two.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/347850/dame-trixie-and-the-countess-of-wyrd">Dame Trixie and the Countess of Wyrd</a>,</i> by Impossible Numbers<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> As usual, Trixie put her all into her entrance.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> Normally, a short and ambiguous sentence like this is a prime candidate for me to sneak the next line or two on and test the limits of what constitutes a "first sentence," but I feel like this is the appropriate piece of text to examine in this case. First, because those nine words are the entire first paragraph, and second, because the second paragraph doesn't immediately follow up on Trixie's entrance, instead jumping back to describe the town of Fall Bridge. With that as context, this is a bit of an odd choice for a first sentence (at least, I find it a bit odd)... but one I think works well. It immediately evokes Trixie's previous arrivals in Ponyville to the reader, gives us some solid clues about what her headspace is in this fic (that "as usual" tells us a lot), and sets us up to want to know what she actually <i>did</i> for her entrance--and the short delay before IN starts revealing that provides a textual surprise which gets the readers attention, without stretching it out so long that it becomes frustrating or confusing. Looking at just the first sentence and knowing nothing else about the fic, I'd probably say a three, but the job it pulls in context is going to knock it up to a four in my book.<br />
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<b>OLD FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/9692/present-tense">Present Tense</a>,</i> by PresentPerfect<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> "Spike, you're sure this is the book?"<br /><br />"As sure as I can be!"<br /><br />"And you're sure that there's absolutely nothing in this library that explains how we're supposed to read this?"<br /><br />
<b>A few thoughts:</b> How did I never know that PP's first ponyfic was a play on his pen name? Or possibly vice-versa? Either way, I respect him at least 17.4% less now :o<br />
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The opening itself is pretty typical exposition-through-dialogue; it's the kind of conversation that doesn't really happen because it involves a lot of repeating stuff for the reader's benefit that would've already been said (this becomes increasingly clear as the opening continues), but at least it's still well shy of the dreaded "as you already know." It introduces its central problem/premise quickly and efficiently, but it doesn't do it elegantly, either as a stand-alone or in context. Given that, a two seems about right.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC: </b><i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/398264/the-princesss-captain">The Princess's Captain</a>,</i> by PresentPerfect<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> The sound of Tempest Shadow's armor-shod hooves echoed off Friendship Castle's towering ceilings as she entered for the first time.<br /><br />"Aaaaand here's the castle!"<br />
<br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> I couldn't decide whether or not to include the next sentence; it's important insofar as it tells us that the dialogue is spoken by Twilight Sparkle, but beyond that doesn't really fit in with my idea of an "opening line." Ultimately, I decided to leave it out, but just tell you all about the Twilight bit :p This is a classic example of setting up something dramatic for the purpose of immediately undercutting it, but it works here because it doesn't just reflect a comedy staple, but a key character dynamic that the story carries through: Tempest is, as the description says, "not a happy kind of pony in the least," while Twilight is her earnest-yet-kinda-goofy self. I don't like repeating "castle" twice in as many words, but I'll still call this a low-end four: it's funny, while also setting up the two mains in as many sentences.<br />
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<b>OLD FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/23789/a-very-long-day">A Very Long Day</a>,</i> by bookplayer<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> The wedding was finally over, and all of the Ponyville ponies in Canterlot had gone to bed. It was almost one in the morning and it had been a very long day.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> This provides a fair chunk of information, in terms of setting, but it's bland and forgettable. It's dry, telly narration that, in its defense, ends up being pretty representative of the writing on the rest of the fic, but doesn't accomplish much aesthetically beyond "preps the reader for what's to come." I'll still give this a two, as it doesn't fall into "makes me less likely to continue reading" territory, but this opening is very much function over form.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/386131/the-spirit-of-a-pegasus">The Spirit of a Pegasus</a>,</i> by bookplayer<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> <i>Commander Hurricane peered over the scroll in front of him at the pale blue mare standing at attention in front of his desk. She was young, three months out of the Academy, but she stood in perfect form and frozen like a statue. This was a pony who’d practiced.<br /><br />It was a shame.</i><br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> I like the bite of those last few words; they inspire just the right sense of low-key dread and general empathy for "the pale blue mare," while also giving us an immediate window into Hurricane's worldview. The description here is a bit telly, but in contrast to <i>A Very Long Day's,</i> it's a <i>good</i> kind of telly; it's telliness from Hurricane's PoV, which let's us grasp the kind of situation he's dealing with <i>and</i> infer a bit about his own biases. A strong four.<br /><br /><br /><br />
<b>OLD FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/122667/crpes">Crepes</a>,</i> by Titanium Dragon<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> "Ain't this place a bit fancy for breakfast?" Applejack said, tilting her head back to look up at the impressive but out of place facade of the Prench restaurant in the heart of Canterlot.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> <strike>TD</strike> <strike><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/04/reviewer-reviews-titanium-dragon.html?showComment=1492121541399#c875936839901581801">Titty D</a></strike> The Author Formerly Known as Titanium Dragon actually has two fic collections which share the same FiMFic publication date as this, but for simplicity's sake, I opted for the only one of the three that is a full-length, stand-alone story. Speaking of "full-length" and "stand-alone," I feel like the phrase "out of place" looks pretty, well, out of place when used as an adjective phrase sans hyphens. But looking past that, this feels like a perfectly unremarkable opening; it sets up the scene, the character mood, and gives us our first character in a very workmanlike way. That's the definition of a three.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/367760/a-thousand-roses">A Thousand Roses</a>,</i> by Titanium Dragon<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> Twilight’s eyes widened as she stepped into the great hall of her castle. “Spike! You said they were bringing in a <i>few</i> bouquets!”<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> In the context of the story's description (which tells us that this is about Twi dealing with being named "Equestria's Most Eligible Bachelorette"), the first line makes a bit more sense than it does when totally divorced from its moorings, but it does also feel a bit pat to me. It's not a bad joke, but it's an <i>easy</i> one, and what it sets up for us is mostly surface-level stuff--we're learning that Twi's got too many suitors, but we're not finding the kind of hints about her views towards those suitors that we got about MCs from some of the other newfic sentences I've reviewed this go-round. That said, it does set the stage, and gives us a sense of the kind of humor we're in for right off the bat. On the whole, I'd call this another three.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-6176355098620205052018-01-29T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-29T00:00:00.188-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 216It's been brought to my attention that this blog's subheader ("Updating M-W-F, whether Chris has anything interesting to say or not") has not been, strictly speaking, all that accurate for the last couple of months. That notwithstanding, I'm going to keep it for now; I've been rolling with that line for over six years, and even if it's currently more aspirational than factual, it's still<i> traditional,</i> y'know? Hopefully, I'll be able to make it more consistently true statement in the future.<br />
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But for today, at least, it's theoretically, historically, <i>and</i> literally true! Click down below the break for some reviews.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/388079/the-unbroken-spirit">The Unbroken Spirit</a>,</i> by Prane<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> In the aftermath of the events of the FiM movie, Tempest Shadow comes across Sombra's horn. And it offers her exactly what she's spent her whole adult life searching for.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I was a bit put off by the writing on this fic; there are more than a few oddly-worded sentences (including in the description itself--consider the last clause in "She hasn't been banished her for her crimes, but no party can change the festering feeling of being out of place, to not say straight unwelcome"), and there's a fair bit of tense or number confusion throughout the fic. For all that, it's not really badly edited by fanfic standards... it's just that the kind of errors in the story are particularly hard to read around, having as they do a tendency to change the meaning of a sentence. The premise itself is an interesting one (to again quote the description, "The hornless pony finds the ponyless horn's offer tempting." Doesn't that just draw you in right from the get-go?), and while the story itself is mostly two ponies talking, the use of mental and magical imagery to evoke events of the past and (possible) future(s) keeps everything feeling active. Plus, I didn't have any trouble understanding what was going on despite not having seen the movie, so that's good! The moral at the end (or rather, its presentation) would be more at home in the show itself than in the more malevolently manipulative fic which actually leads up to it, but then, I suppose faulting a climax for feeling too show-tone isn't too damning a complaint in the context of a FiM fic, is it?<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you enjoy conversation fics and are at all intrigued by this one's premise, it's certainly worth a look. If you're easily pulled out of stories by technical problems, though, the particular sort on display here might prevent you from fully enjoying the story.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/284146/lunas-throne">Luna's Throne</a>, </i>by River Babble<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Not too long after the Tantabus incident, Luna is confronted with an unexpected question by a foal visiting the castle on a class field trip: how come Celestia has a throne, but Luna doesn't?<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> This is a story that subordinates realistic speech patterns and behavior to its message, and if that's the kind of thing that bugs you (if, for example, you're put off by children unnaturally expounding for paragraphs on end), then this fic will drive you batty. In its defense, though, all that exposition is in the service of a good moral, clearly presented, and without any obvious troubling implications. So the way ponies talk to each other may not feel realistic here, but the feelings their unrealistically expressing feel real themselves, if that makes sense. The narration (perhaps unsurprisingly, given what I've already said) is on the telly side, but largely manages to stay out of its own way; this fic's prose rarely calls attention to itself, largely to its benefit. And the ending is just the kind of cute/sweet one would hope for from a fic about coming to terms with your place in the world.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> Don't read this if you can't tolerate children talking like adults, or characters speaking in ways unlike real people in general. But if that's not a deal-breaker for you, and if you're looking for something affirming but not too sappy about Luna overcoming her self-doubt, this would be one worth trying.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-36765287688174156872018-01-19T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-19T00:00:13.871-06:00First Sentences in (Fan)Fiction the 25thAs I sometimes do, I thought I'd switch things up with the first sentences section a bit: today, I'll be looking at some talented/prolific authors in the fandom (both aspects are important, for reasons that will quickly become clear) and compare the first sentence of their earliest published work with the first sentence of their most recently published one. It's often easy to see noticeable improvement with fanfic authors from early to later works; now let's see if that holds up when one judges a fic by just its first few words! And since the learning experience is what we're hoping to see in action here, I'll try to pick still-active authors who've been around a while. Now, head below for some comparisons.<br />
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<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">As a reminder, the first sentences here are being judged </span><i style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">as first sentences</i><span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">, using my patented HEITSIBPMFTSIATRAEMTCR ("how effective is this sentence in both preparing me for the story I'm about to read, and encouraging me to continue reading") scale. On that scale, a five equates roughly to "immediately evokes a specific tone, prepares the reader for the rest of the story, and encourages me to continue reading," a one is "makes me less likely to continue reading," and a three is "a perfectly adequate first sentence, which neither inspires great excitement or great dread." For each story, I'll give the title with a link to the fic in question. </span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">
<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Note that, as part of my ongoing tweaking/developing of these posts, I'll be taking a fairly liberal definition of "first sentence," so some "sentences" may be two (or more!) sentences long; "first complete idea" might be more technically accurate, but it's not as catchy. Additionally, the review of each sentence will be split into two parts. </span></blockquote>
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<br /><br /><b>OLD FIC: <i> </i></b><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/1571/the-end-of-ponies" style="font-style: italic;">The End of Ponies</a><i>, </i>by shortskirtsandexplosions<br />
<b>The first sentence:</b> The first thing she remembered was how scared Rainbow Dash was.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> I think opening with Dash being openly scared is a good way to set the stakes immediately; she's the pony least likely to (want to) show that she's frightened, so we get an idea that something big is going on right away. The first phrase, though, seems strange to me; "The first thing she remembered"? Maybe it should be "noticed" or "realized" instead, or maybe that "the first thing" is misleading and should be excised. It weakens the opening a bit, but not enough to knock me below a solid three out of five: this is an opening "which inspires neither great excitement nor great dread."<br /><br /><br /><br /><b>NEW FIC:</b> <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/395470/a-capper-is-fine-too">A Capper Is Fine Too</a>, </i>by shortskirtsandexplosions<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> Capper's eyes briefly shimmered like turquoise as he glided past the spotlight—as if on ice.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> So, with SS&E's fics, we go from a epic-length dark adventure to a silly SoL/Comedy oneshot. Not exactly apples to apples in terms of stories (a theme you'll notice as we continue), but we can still see how the first sentences set up their fics. <i>The End of Ponies'</i> opening immediately gave us a sense of danger and high stakes; contrariwise, this first sentence is much more opaque. I don't like having the last phrase set off by a dash--it feels like it could be part of the sentence proper with little change, or could be spun off on its own, and either way would make for a smoother reading experience. The way the eyes are described as catching the spotlight is somewhat novel, but between the lack of communication here (besides the fact that it's a fic about Capper, what do you learn from this sentence? In terms of story, mood, tone, characterization, intent... anything?) and that awkward end, I'm giving it a two.<br />
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<b>OLD FIC:</b> <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/1377/a-new-harmony"><i>A New Harmony</i></a>, by Pascoite<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> Another summer in Ponyville. Another <i>dark</i> summer. No matter. There had been many dark days before now, but it’s bearable when the end is in sight. <br />
<br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> This is a fairly opaque opening, but it does prompt enough reader engagement to work as a starter hook (i.e. there's enough questions being prompted to keep the reader going for at least a few more paragraphs, by which time a more substantial hook will presumably have had time to develop). The <i>it's</i> instead of <i>they're</i> in the last sentence threw me at first, and I wonder if most readers wouldn't trip over it as well; if I'm right in guessing they might, then that seems like something that could be easily smooted to facilitate the initial reading experience. Still, on the strength of its draw (ending with "the end is in sight" basically demands that the reader keep going), I'll give it a weak three.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC:</b> <span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px;"> </span><i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/396358/how-lily-longsocks-spent-hearths-warming-eve-on-the-moon">How Lily Longsocks Spent Hearth’s Warming Eve on the Moon</a>, </i>by Pascoite<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> <br />
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<i>Hearth’s Warming time, as ponies say,</i></div>
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<i>Makes windigoes fly far away,</i></div>
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<i>But children keep the friends they’ve found</i></div>
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<i>And love them dearly all year ’round.</i></div>
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I'm a sucker for rhyming, and in two couplets Pasco sets the tone for his entire story <i>and</i> whips up something you could skip rope to. It's a sweet little piece of verse on its own, but it also does a great job of preparing the reader for what's to come in terms of style and emotional tenor. Add to that its quotability, and I'm going to let myself be tempted up to a full five: this is an opening that both encourages me to keep reading, and which is enjoyable even when separated from the context of its fic.</div>
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<b>OLD FIC:</b> <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/960/maiden-flight"><i>Maiden Flight</i></a> by Cold in Gardez<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> It was a lazy afternoon in Ponyville, at the height of summer, and most sensible ponies were taking refuge from the sweltering heat inside their homes or favorite shops. The lake south of town and the ice cream stand outside the Hayseed Cafe were doing brisk business, but otherwise the streets were conspicuously empty of traffic. Apart from the twittering of birds and the buzz of insects, the town was remarkably quiet, content to bide its time until the sun dipped toward the horizon and the cool breeze of evening could come to the rescue.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> I probably could have just quoted the first sentence, but I wanted to give a sense of how long this single idea (it's to hot to do much) is hammered. Now, in fact, there are three more paragraphs of this idea before we get to the inevitable "except for..." and I think you'll all agree that this is not an idea that necessitates four paragraphs to set up. The writing is pleasant and the overall effect is very readable, but this story opens with a whole lot of nothing. That's not exactly <i>misleading</i> for an extremely fluffy fic like this, but I can't bring myself to call it a good thing. A weak two, buoyed up by the fact that, even if the content and pacing do nothing to make me want to keep reading, at least the laconic descriptions are both intrinsically pleasing and a good textual match for what they're describing.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC:</b> <i> <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/390196/the-shadow-alphabet-and-other-tales-for-nightmare-night">The Shadow Alphabet, and other tales for Nightmare Night</a>,</i> by Cold in Gardez<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> Fluttershy surveyed the mess on her front lawn with a frown.<br /><br />It had been a bird at one point, that much was certain.<br /><br />
<b>A few thoughts:</b> Technically, that's the first line of the last story in this collection; although they were all published together, that felt like the "first sentence" most in keeping with the spirit of this exercise. Anyway, I think it's a great opening to a horror fic; giving us the idea of a mangled body without being too graphic, and contrasting the situation with Fluttershy's almost blase reaction give the reader a great hook, while also offering Gardez a chance to build her characterization. A solid four.<br />
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<b>OLD FIC:</b> <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/38513/two-unicorns-walk-into-a-village"><i>Two Unicorns walk into a village</i></a>, by Georg<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> The path from the Everfree Forest to Ponyville was not exactly a heavily traveled road. The much safer bypass that only added an hour to the trip from Canterlot was a much more popular route, and never lacked for traffic. Only on the rarest of occasions would travelers who who were either too foolish or in too much of a hurry for their own good decide to take the dangerous shorter road through the mysterious woods.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> Well, I like it a lot better than the jokey disclaimer that heads the fic proper--not that I would mark an author down for having a disclaimer, but the tone of this one is a poor match for the story about to be told. I like it better than the uncapitalized title, for that matter. The opening itself is a bit bland, though it does a fine job of setting up our opening locale, and has a nicely conversational tone. So although it's not a promising looking opening, I'll still give the actual first line a weak three.<br />
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<b>NEW FIC:</b> <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/395744/merry-regiftmas"><i>Merry Regiftmas</i></a>, by Georg<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> “Oh, a present!” Luna and Celestia struggled to see who would get to the large wrapped gift first, despite the two guards surrounding it with drawn spears and fierce scowls.<br /><br /><b>A few thoughts:</b> The presentation here does a good job of preparing the reader for the rapid-fire nature of the story itself, so that's a plus. But beyond "gets one in the right frame of mind to read the fic" it's also a nice flavor of low-key funny in its own right, with the late reveal of the armed guards throwing the mundane situation presented into a new light (to come back to my first point, this is a varietal of humor that Georg will return to again many times in this fic). It's true that there's not really enough description or context to visualize the setting--the characters exist seemingly in a vacuum--but that's a deliberate writing decision, so I can't really ding it for that. A low-end four.<br />
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(I may do a second one of these soon, because there were several more authors I immediately thought of doing for this, but didn't get to. You'd <i>think</i> looking at eight first sentences would take no time at all, but I just spent most of an evening on it...)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-34347835260394696352018-01-17T00:00:00.000-06:002018-06-27T10:48:38.732-05:00Fandom Classics Part 240: Letters From a Secret Admirer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/101035/letters-from-a-secret-admirer"><img border="0" data-original-height="141" data-original-width="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjChyphenhyphenFF9NenYbCEcZ5a95_-qnoKKHhFwTX3JcLlJ33FhKatmSouOW62v8eiXPI-qh_oBnVlv9IVGuKSP7KfrQOfqVEdxNFJ7Hy_QD8yK8bqYYGmq0QHjr7dN6uQ-2CslwF8zEs9d15pPzk/s1600/6-star.png" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">To read the story, click the image or follow</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"> </span><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/101035/letters-from-a-secret-admirer" style="color: #8f8f8f; text-decoration-line: none;">this link</a>.</span></div>
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As I've settled into the start of a new season of <i>Ink Master</i> and, as is standard practice when watching a competition reality show, picked my favorite, I was struck by the realization that my favorites are disproportionately male. Like, at least 80% of the time, I pick a guy to root for in these situations. Which makes me wonder: how concerned should I be that this represents a subtle, ingrained bit of sexism on my part? To be fair, I frequently end up picking whoever has the best beard, which is going to skew my numbers, but on the other hand, maybe <i>that's</i> an ingrained bit of sexism coming through in and of itself. And even if it <i>was</i> sexist, what would be the appropriate response? Making a conscious effort to chose half guys and half girls to root for isn't not-sexist, any more than picking all-guys or all-girls is.<br />
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I take some solace in knowing that I apparently have nothing better to do than fret over whether I'm biased against rooting for women who go on reality shows. Anyway, check out my review of Subsolar Drift's <i>Letters From a Secret Admirer, </i>below.<br />
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<b>Impressions before reading:</b> From the tags, cover art, and description, this looks like a pretty typical TwiDash shipfic, liable to play its rom-com conceit totally straight, and of the sort where I say something like "If you're looking for this specific kind of thing in your ponyfic, you'll like it, but it's got nothing to offer anyone else." It <i>looks</i> like that, but based on both of the recommendations I got, it's supposedly more accessable to non-shippers than many of its ilk. And the amount of discussion its generated on its own page (nearly 500 comments on a barely-10k-word story) is probably a good sign for it at least being <i>unique;</i> while it certainly possible that it's just 500 "DAWWWW"s in a row, stories which generate a lot of comments tend (for better or worse) not to be totally paint-by-numbers--<i>some</i>thing's gotta get all those people talking, right?<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Dash decides to pay back her friends for the whole Mare-Do-Well affair by personally pranking each of them. And for Twilight, she has a foolproof plan: pretend to be Twi's secret admirer. There's no way <i>that</i> could backfire!<br />
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<b>Thoughts after reading:</b> Actually, my initial impressions were pretty much spot-on, before I started walking them back. This is the very definition of predictable shipping: a story with a preordained pairing, in which the romantic path, dung-hits-the-fan, and reconciliation/ending kiss can all be easily predicted simply by reading the fic's description. In terms of plot or event, there's no reason to read this fic unless you specifically want to read "this (kind of) fic."<br />
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But that's not a deal-breaker, by itself. Lots of stories are predictable. Heck, any story you re-read is predictable by definition, but we still re-read them because we <i>like</i> them. But my point is, unless you already <i>like</i> "Dash pretends to fall for Twi, then really falls for Twi, then Twi finds out the letters were fake, then they make up and kiss" (don't even pretend any of that was a spoiler), this isn't the story for you; there's nothing to the plot besides a veritable checklist of shipping cliches.<br />
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It'd be fair to say that the arc is disappointing on its own merits, though. Twilight randomly deciding she was lesbian took the cake (imagine, if you will, a story about a lesbian who decided that she was going to be straight now because she'd "never really thought about liking guys" before, but this one seemed kind of sweet), but a lot of the story's cliches are simply tossed in the reader's lap without support or explanation. Things happen in this story because they are necessary for the fic to proceed to its next preordained block, over and over again, without regard for building believable characters or developing emotions organically.<br />
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And the writing itself doesn't do the fic any favors. A missing word in the very first sentence is never a good sign, and in this case it belies regular editing errors throughout the fic. Apparently the story was written under time constraints for a contest; those constraints show in the construction. And not just in those kind of basic mistakes, as repetition in words and phrases s very noticeable throughout, and there's a tendency for the narration/characters to repeat it/themselves, sometimes in nearly back-to-back sentences.<br />
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<b>Star rating:</b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">★</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: "georgia"; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 16px;">(<a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/p/star-ratings-what-they-mean_15.html" style="color: #127ee0; text-decoration: none;"><i>what does this mean?</i></a>)</span></div>
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"If you're looking for this specific kind of thing in your ponyfic, you'll like it, but it's got nothing to offer anyone else," I said before reading, and I was basically right. This is a fic which has no appeal beyond its core shipping demographic. And that's fine; entire subcategories of literature are built around sometimes ridiculously specific audiences. But it's fair to say that <i>Letters from a Secret Admirer</i> belongs to that category of writing unlikely to transcend the boundaries of its core constituency: TwiDash fans looking for the fic equivalent of comfort-food empty calories.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> I think I've been pretty clear, but: if you like TwiDash and the rom-com formula played perfectly straight, this will probably suit your fancy. If not, there's nothing here for you.<br />
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<b>Next time: </b><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why am I Pinkie Pie?,</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Hoopy McGee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-17221628477130212332018-01-15T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-16T20:49:33.819-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 215If you don't follow politics closely, then maybe you've missed some of the kerfluffle about Trump, various porn stars, and hush money. I'm not going to rehash it here, because I have no interest in making this blog political. So why bring it up at all? Because one of the porn stars in question goes by the screenname "Jenna Talia." I'd like to move that this is the best porn star name (female category), and add that it has made me giggle at least four times since I first learned this fact.<br />
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On the subject of mild cleverness, let's do some fanfic reviews! Check mine out, below.<br />
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<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/394616/my-little-one-shots---a-rumour-thats-not-quite-what-it-seems"><br /></a>
<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/394616/my-little-one-shots---a-rumour-thats-not-quite-what-it-seems">My Little One-Shots - A Rumor That's Not Quite What it Seems</a>,</i> by Phantasma Eeria<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Carrot Top narrates her increasingly desperate, depressing life.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> As is my occasional habit, I thought I'd look at the newest Carrot Top fics and see if there was anything there that looked to be both interesting and complete. This one... is complete.<br />
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To be fair, it's not the blight on the world of creative writing that that makes it sound like. But this is very much what people think of when they picture "average fanfiction:" weak writing (both in terms of basic editing elements, and structural stuff like the prevalence of run-on sentences), piled-on contrivances, pacing more akin to a story summary than a story itself, and enforced sadness to and past the point of credulity-straining. The story is clearly intended to be set in Equestria, but major elements feel entirely unponified, and the whole story comes off as more of an idea than a complete authorial vision.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> I realize that review sounds really harsh, but to repeat myself, this isn't some ridiculously bad fanfic; it's just a very <i>typical</i> fanfic, of the sort that betrays a bunch of amateur writing problems because--guess what?--the author is an amateur writer. That said, it's still difficult to specifically recommend this story to any particular sort of reader.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/395172/candy-manes-almost-epic-slice-of-life-adventure">Candy Mane's Almost-Epic Slice-of-Life Adventure,</a></i> by Trick Question<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Candy Mane is the least clever pony in Equestria--even the usual Ponyville subjects can see she's a few pickles short of a peck. But that doesn't stop her from having a very exciting day.<br />
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Well, actually it does, but only because she's too slow to realize how exciting her day is.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts: </b>The first scene in this story, where Candy out-idiots Derpy, was wonderfully whimsical fun. I wish the rest of the story had been just as good, and to be fair, the rest of the story still <i>is</i> good... just not quite to the heights that the opening had me expecting, at least not consistently. The big issue for me was the way the tone of the humor wanders from its original pitch, sometimes into a memes, or to a generally more self-aware state, and sometimes into a level of mean-spiritedness that, while hardly at a level that would make me clutch my pearls, still felt at odds with the rest of the fic (in particular, someone calling her "retarded" felt very out-of-place compared to the rest of the fic). But even if that made the story feel a bit disjointed to me, it was still <i>funny</i>, with an admirable dedication to depicting Candy's intellectual lightweightedness in increasingly absurd ways, before wrapping around to end on a pleasantly wholesome but still silly note. Plus, Carrot Top always makes an ideal straight mare.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you're looking for something that's freewheelingly, gleefully ridiculous, this is a good choice. There's not a lot of heft here, but there <i>is </i>a lot of mileage packed into a small package of main-character stupidity.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/396358/how-lily-longsocks-spent-hearths-warming-eve-on-the-moon">How Lily Longsocks Spent Hearth's Warming Eve on the Moon</a>,</i> by Pascoite<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> On Hearth's Warming Eve, a young filly needs to reach out to her mother who's overseas. Luckily, Princess Luna has a pair of pegasi in mind to help Lily Longsocks reach the moon--where dreams live--and to see her.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> Although this one isn't tagged Carrot Top, I was told it had a subtle reference to my fic, <i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/68038/going-up">Going Up</a></i>. So, obviously, I <i>had </i>to read it. What can I say? It's flattering when people enjoy your stories enough to use them tangentially in their own work.<br />
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But even if Carrot Top and Derpy hadn't made a cameo, I'd still have loved this fic. Full of playful language, both simply silly ("She’d begun raising her hoof, but a wing flick and a tongue click from Sky Stinger halted it, demanded identification, and threatened to have it thrown in the nearest jail if it insisted on proceeding") and cleverly descriptive ("he grinned the way Daddy did when the newspaper had a particularly challenging crossword puzzle"), the language used here is a real treat. Pascoite includes plenty of rhymes and little bits of linguistic flair, which make the story fun to read aloud, and give it a great children's story vibe. And the story itself is just the kind of warm, affirmative tale that leaves the reader feeling a bit happier for having read it then they were before.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you enjoy children's stories or heartwarming material in general, consider this one highly recommended.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-50369698382125641422018-01-12T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-16T20:41:23.389-06:00Fandom Classics Part 239: Dead/Light<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/173638/dead-light"><img border="0" data-original-height="256" data-original-width="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgwrm5gNwwHoxp0Av3p5DMnEAFfHHNXfDErfEU_ak0aqE9B1IpMsuMuDK55NxMFEijlqtzUa3Ssza_o9v5foU0P-fMG6uJwAXijt-8QoJNSg8BSoDE2cCk-tcE7v-ir_z25vvRokvj8So/s1600/6-star.png" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">To read the story, click the image or follow</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"> </span><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/173638/dead-light" style="color: #8f8f8f; text-decoration-line: none;">this link</a>.</span></div>
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Thank goodness for the snow day yesterday; it gave me a chance to get this review out. One Man's Pony Ramblings: adored by brony literary snobs and, apparently, weather gods.<br />
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So with all praise to Ullr, head below the break to read my review of Lord Destrustor's <i>Dead/Light.</i><br />
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<a name='more'></a><b>Impressions before reading:</b> I remember reading this a long time ago--well, no more than three and a half years ago, going by the publication date, but it <i>feels</i> like a long time ago. IIRC, I enjoyed it well enough, but didn't find the conclusion all that satisfying. We'll see if that holds up on re-read, or if I was remembering wrong, or if I just <i>was</i> wrong (it should go without saying that my review here will be 100% objectively correct in all matters).<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> After a magical experiment goes awry, Twilight wakes up in a coffin, with everyone convinced that she's dead. But she isn't, because that's impossible--so why won't everyone just quit <i>lying</i>?<br />
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<b>Thoughts after reading:</b> I think I can see why I wasn't impressed with the ending the first time I read it. It's a timeskip epilogue, which is fine, but since the chapter preceding it ends right on the emotional climax of the piece, it feels like a lot of what should've been the emotional core of the story got passed over; the whole story is about Twilight's refusal to accept that she's dead, and there isn't so much "falling action" as there is just a "and here's what things were like after a sort of normalcy reasserted itself." That said, I didn't find that it really bothered me this time; I would've liked some more post-revelation emotional material, but I didn't find the lack of it inappropriate to the story being told. It's a story about Twilight not accepting death, and by the end, we see her... accepting death. There's nothing wrong with that.<br />
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I wasn't able to really get into the story, though, and the problem was one of characterization. Twilight is, in this story, willfully and absolutely obtuse; she refuses to accept that she's dead, because she <i>can't</i> be dead, and therefor anything suggesting that she <i>is</i> dead is a lie or trick of some sort. That'd be a fine premise for a comedy, but <i>Dead/Light</i> is very much a serious piece, and her psychotic refusal to accept facts frankly doesn't fit the tone of the story at all. A lot of that comes down to the first-person perspective; Twilight observes a lot of things that prove that she's dead--she doesn't just note things in passing which the observant reader can pick up on, but she actively points them out, which makes her seem less like someone desperately avoiding the truth and more like either an idiot or a genuine psychotic.<br />
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The latter interpretation is probably the more likely one, as she ends up being malevolent and violent--even murderous--to a degree that one can be forgiven for believing that perhaps this isn't Twilight after all. This is where the story really struggled for me: it seemed pretty clear that "Twilight" was acting in ways that Twilight simply wouldn't, even under the admittedly extreme circumstances... and yet, there's never any explanation or justification for this. Does death intrinsically change one's personality? Are we so sure that this really is "Twilight" and not something else taking her body, perhaps without even itself knowing that it's not her? These would be fertile questions for a dark story about self-necromancy to explore, but they are passed over altogether. Given the totality of the fic, it's almost impossible to support any explanation other than it is supposed to represent a perfectly believable set of reactions on Twi's part. And for me, that was a bridge too far.<br />
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On the other hand, I generally liked the reactions of Twilight's friends and assorted witnesses. Although occasionally veering towards overdramatic, I thought the mixes of horror, confusion, and anger which the author pulled out through them felt very appropriate to the situation ("the situation" being confronting the walking, talking corpse of a recently-departed friend who's furious at you for not being happy to see them). And where <i>Dead/Light</i> really shines is in the magic. From the first descriptions of Twilight's unconscious journey to her various offensive spell choices, Lord Destrustor does a great job of clearly explaining difficult-to-visualize acts and events. More broadly, stuff like what's actually being done in the epilogue feel clever for their inclusion, and give a sense of <i>sense</i> to what's happened, without ever spoiling the essential mystery of death (or undeath) on which a lot of the fic's darkness depends.<br />
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<b>Star rating:</b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">★</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 16px;">★</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><strong style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: "georgia"; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 16px;">(<a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/p/star-ratings-what-they-mean_15.html" style="color: #127ee0; text-decoration: none;"><i>what does this mean?</i></a>)</span></div>
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I may not have felt like I was reading about Twilight, and I may have felt that that fact was conspicuously passed over by the fic itself... and those may be two pretty significant gripes... but when the writing turns to necromancy, or any old -mancy at all, there's a lot to recommend it.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you don't mind weak characterization (and to be fair, it's strong <i>internal</i> characterization, i.e. Twi acts consistently within the confines of the story itself) and a poor tone/perspective mix, <i>Dead/Light</i> is the kind of story likely to be appreciated by fans of magic writing in general, and of magic-corpse-fiction (which I assume is a genre) in particular.<br />
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<b>Next time: </b><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Letters from a Secret Admirer,</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Subsolar Drift</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-41189835983282560532018-01-03T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-03T00:00:00.175-06:00Fandom Classics Part 238: The White Mare<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/150611/the-white-mare"><img border="0" data-original-height="186" data-original-width="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAXl16JOCgQZ1bBO56Amt92K8Oq39f8TMnJ2L2CPGNL5pWgmfvQwMHZPQp1OsLHR_lCBDuBvK5yEO3crXUn6r3mVDmt3JtTws7ClniDgxAd7WYCd_V94stcNZk75NeI6kekBAR7w2FxNQ/s1600/6-star.png" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">To read the story, click the image or follow</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"> </span><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/150611/the-white-mare" style="color: #8f8f8f; text-decoration-line: none;">this link</a>.</span></div>
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I got a pleasant surprise yesterday morning: a group called <a href="http://thewriterawards.com/">The Writer Awards</a> selected OMPR as one of their top fanfiction blog/websites! If you're interested in seeing their list, <a href="https://commaful.com/play/2017/top-fanfiction-blogs-and-sites-of-2017/">you can get an early peak at it here</a>; it's got some delightfully esoteric stuff on it (did you know there was a Bon Jovi fanfic directory? I didn't!). In any event, thank you to whoever nominated me; a little positive attention goes a long way when it comes to lightening one's mood.<br />
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Will I now pay those warm fuzzies forward, or will I deem Warren Hutch's <i>The White Mare</i> unworthy of laud? Head down below the break to find out!<br />
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<b>Impressions before reading:</b> Not to be confused with <i>A White Mare,</i> which I reviewed <a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2015/12/mini-reviews-round-108.html">back here</a>, this looks to be an AU retelling of the show's pilot--the AU in question being "What if Celestia abdicated and became a recluse after NMM, instead of ruling Equestria by herself?" As is oft the case with this kind of AU, the biggest thing I'll be looking for is how this story interprets the canon characters, and how it envisions a disparate situation would change them; too far one way, and it's just the main six and Celestia and the AU premise is wasted. Too far the other, and they can start to feel like totally unfamiliar characters.<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> In the Republic of Equestria, there lives a quiet pegasus named Fluttershy. She lives by the border of the Everfree, and is quite unremarkable save for one thing: she's friends with the White Mare, a winged unicorn who hides herself deep in those woods. And on the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration, that friendship leads to strange goings-on, not to mention stranger fellowships.<br />
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<b>Thoughts after reading:</b> Given my pre-reading concerns, this seems strange to say, but: the characters in this story are, in fact, exactly like their show counterparts in all but the most superficial of ways, except when they're completely, bonkers, where-did-that-come-from different.<br />
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They're exactly the same in most non-surface ways. Applejack may have a Jersey accent and be hawking seeds door-to-door, but her personality is fundamentally unchanged, and her values are identical to what the reader would expect from her canon counterpart. Twilight, likewise, is an introvert with few people (pony) skills which sometimes masks her dedication and good intentions, just like she is at the start of S1. That she's a little-regarded researcher instead of a royal pupil is of tertiary importance; it doesn't affect, or seem to have any effect, on who she <i>is.</i><br />
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And this is true of most of the characters, most of the time... until you come across stuff like "Dash (who's still supposed to be 'the loyal one') is part of an anti-democratic insurrectionist movement which has festered within the army for centuries." That's not Chris reading too much into the story, either: she and her would-be junta buddies are literally just <i>waiting</i> for the opportunity to break their oaths and overthrow the Republic, in the name the Princess. This is layed out in so many words, and returned to multiple times. And everyone seems to be okay with this. It doesn't even stop her from getting to be the Element of Loyalty!<br />
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That was the most jarring case for me, but there are a few other truly head-scratching decisions scattered around. From worldbuilding decisions this world's Elements of Harmony coming off rather more mind-rapey than the show's (unlike the fifth columnists, this one's at least ambiguous) to decisions on how to match up to canon (this is primarily a re-creation of the pilot... but also of <i>Cutie Mark Chronicles,</i> and significant chunks of a few other episodes, all compressed into the same one-day timeframe), there were more than a few things here I simply found odd.<br />
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On the other hand, that oddness did also give the story some freshness. Given how close the characters stayed, a bit of surprise was often welcome, and was regularly delivered. And not just in immersion-breaking ways, either! The understated contrast between how the girls' trip to the Castle of the Royal Sisters went in the show and in the story was just one example of Mr. Hutch pulling an entertaining switch-up with expectations. It's true that the story does ultimately define itself along very predictable outcomes, but at least the journey to those outcomes has some unanticipated sights along the way.<br />
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Given that the author's short bio on FiMfic is "Living with LUS," it should probably go without saying that there's a lot of that going on here. "The butter colored pegasus," "The rainbow-maned pegasus," and so on, are almost more common than proper nouns. How irritating (if at all) you find this I leave in your hands; I can only inform you that it is omnipresent. That aside, the writing has a pleasant sort of plainness to it, not calling any attention to its construction as one reads. This is a good match for the story's narrative, which is largely conversation and minor, simple mysteries.<br />
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<b>Star rating:</b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">★</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 16px;">★</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><strong style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: "georgia"; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 16px;">(<a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/p/star-ratings-what-they-mean_15.html" style="color: #127ee0; text-decoration: none;"><i>what does this mean?</i></a>)</span></div>
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There are a lot of small bits of quality about this story--a well-written Zecora, some quality early modern English, etc.--which frame and help to elevate what is, ultimately, a rather straightforward "what if?" fic. There's not a lot of meat to the main story (and there's some real head-scratchers in among the key elements, for that matter), but the minor moments keep the overall product readable.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you enjoy seeing mild variations on the main six, this is (mostly) one of those "basically the same, but superficially slightly different!" kinds of fics which you're looking for. It's not for readers who are bothered by LUS or by AUs that hew close to canon despite a wildly divergent element. Or for readers who oppose the violent overthrow of elected governments, I guess.<br />
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<b>Next time: </b><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dead/Light</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, by Lord Destructor</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-65624849815495452452018-01-01T00:00:00.000-06:002018-01-01T00:00:14.045-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 214Happy New Year! In what is surely an auspicious start to the year, I'm kicking it off with... a missed post and another mini-review set. Hey, at least I got <i>some</i> reading/reviewing done. Under the circumstances, I'm feeling pretty good about that. And hey: it's <i>tradition</i> to immediately faceplant on your resolutions, no? So if anything, I'm <i>over</i>achieving.<br />
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Mini-reviews, below.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/376439/mister-lonely-heart">Mister Lonely Heart</a>,</i> by Eskerata<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> After the reformed changelings' integration into Equestria, Twilight visits a grievance counselor--a changeling who specializes in mimicking other ponies for therapeutic purposes--in order to say some things she doesn't know who else to tell.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I liked the idea of this; friendly changelings using their shape-changing abilities to give ponies emotional support seems to be under-explored outside of porn (well, for a certain value of "emotional support"). But the writing fell flat. That the dialogue is trite and artificial for a good chunk of the fic is a plot point, but that doesn't explain why it's written in almost the same stilted tone the rest of the time, too. And the counselor's narrative voice is just as telly as his expository conversation. I suppose it's fair to admit that the central conflict, being EqG-based, didn't resonate for me as much as it might for readers with some affection for the movies, but my issues with this story were more with construction than with content.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> This is a good choice for readers who can let themselves be carried by a concept; the notion of a grievance counselor and what s/he does is an interesting one, at least as envisioned here. But those put off by expository writing will want to give it a pass.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/357102/rarity-and-the-rhinoceros">Rarity and the Rhinoceros</a>,</i> by Vertigo22<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> A bit less than 2,000 words of more or less what you think of when you see the Random and Comedy tags sitting side-by-side.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> The humor here is based on character destruction and Rhinoceri being generally awful pets. Honestly, I can't think of a lot more to say about it; it's short, slightly crude, and without greater purpose than to be silly, even (especially) at the expense of making sense or communicating anything other than a sense of the absurd.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you're just looking for some "wacky" humor, it's here. If you're looking for literally anything else, it's not.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/129882/the-apple-and-the-fox">The Apple and the Fox</a>, </i>by Tundara<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary: </b>In order to become a true shamaness, Apple Bloom chases a kitsune through Ponyville.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> Although the author says, "While a <i>Myths and Birthrights </i>side-story, no knowledge of the setting is required," I found my enjoyment very much limited by my lack of familiarity with the setting. From the assumption of Apple Bloom's interests and development as a character to the existence of a kitsune itself, there was a <i>lot</i> here for someone coming in dry to take on faith. And as a result, any appreciation I had for the story was purely academic; so far as I could tell, the writing quality was fine, and if I knew anything about "spirit chases" (enough, at least, to know what was on the line for that fox--whether this was a race it wanted to lose, or if it just got consigned to a life of pokemon-esque cockfightery, or what) or had an investment in AB's success or failure going in, I might well have found it fulfilling. But as it was... I didn't.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you've got some grounding in <i>Myths and Birthrights,</i> and are interested in a little back(?)story about AB, I imagine this is perfectly enjoyable. I don't recommend it as an introduction or stand-alone, however.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-3716720525789032082017-12-22T00:00:00.000-06:002017-12-27T00:52:45.089-06:00Mini-Reviews: Christmas Edition, Round Five of Five!And so, the runup to the holiday ends. As usual, I'll be taking the 25th off to be with my family, and I urge you all to do the same--whatever "your family" means to you, spend some time with those people who make your life a little better, and who are there for you when you're at your worst. They won't be around forever, and can be gone without warning; let them know you love them, in as many words. Letting the people you love hear that simple truth is never a mistake.<br />
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And now, one last seasonal fanfic before we adjurn for holiday. Merry Christmas, and I'll see you all on the 29th!<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/239935/wassail-wassail">Wassail, Wassail!</a>, </i>by Skywriter<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Cheerilee is not the pony she pretends to be for her students. But perhaps that's okay; who we are and who we aspire to be needn't be impossible to reconcile.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> Like the best of Skywriter's works, this story combines a quiet despair with humorous presentation for a heartrending but smile-worthy effect, before putting a gratifyingly uplifting bow on the whole affair. Although I've never been quite in Cheerilee's position, I can relate well to the gist of it (you can't be the same person when you're teaching young children that you were in college, unless you were a <i>really</i> weird college kid), and perhaps that feeling of personal connection enhances my appreciation of this fic. Be that as it may, Cheerilee's discontent is palpable, and the mildly self-destructive way she handles her feelings rings very true. And that's all without getting into the Wassailing, and the way it introduces a bit of Earth Pony lore which gives just the right weighty accent to a tale of self-acceptance. This story was a pleasure to read.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you enjoy melancholy humor, especially of the sort where the latter element doesn't diminish the former, you'll find it here. It's also a good choice for readers who appreciate a story which can hold to a human scope while capturing a sense of ineffable grandeur. Also for CheeriMac shippers, I guess, but the rest of you don't have to worry; that part's played lightly, and like everything else in this story, beautifully.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-52363943741285704022017-12-21T00:00:00.000-06:002017-12-21T00:01:13.836-06:00Mini-Reviews: Christmas Edition, Part Four of Five!So, how about that new FiMFic update, eh? We're one step closer to GenFic, now.<br />
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Though I have to say, I'm a little disappointed; the site post made it sound like we'd be able to tag any/all franchises contained in our stories, but when I went to update my fics, I found nothing for the <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/178769/the-purloined-pony">Choose Your Own Adventure™ series</a>, or for<i> </i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/53496/letters-from-a-senior-to-a-junior-changeling"><i>The Screwtape Letters</i> (or even just a C.S. Lewis hub)</a>, or even for <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/12742/the-showmares-tale">the collected legends of Taliesin!</a> So I guess all my stuff will be rocking the solo MLP:FIM tag until knighty gets his act together.<br /><br />Now, on to some seasonal fiction. Get your reviewage, below the break.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br /><i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/307626/hearths-warming-cookies">Hearth's Warming Cookies</a>,</i> by Everyday<br /><br /><br />
<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> It's traditional to leave cookies out on Hearth's Warming Eve. Hearth's Warming cookies have been a tradition, in fact, for over a thousand years.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> As an explanation for the origin of a holiday custom, this carries the much-vaunted "ring of truth;" it feels like the sort of thing that could be observed, imitated, and eventually spread, more-or-less divorced from its original intent, throughout a population. The writing is a little too coy for my taste in places, and a few tense issues in the back half of the story nearly manage to obscure the... "reveal" isn't quite the right word for something that isn't really intended to surprise the reader, but anyway, a few unfortunately-placed tense slips nearly manage to obscure it. Luckily, they fail, and the result it heartwarming, and if it seems to get too cute in spots, it nevertheless fully dodges the dreaded "glurge" descriptor.<br />
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<b>Recommendation: </b>If you enjoy a mix of history and gut-punching (who doesn't love getting their gut punched?), this is a good seasonal choice. If you're looking for a lot of detailed exploration or a great deal of narrative reserve, this might be a miss, though.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-76890740529352530602017-12-20T00:00:00.000-06:002017-12-20T00:00:21.849-06:00Mini-Reviews: Christmas Edition, Part Three of Five!In defiance of my predictions of "maybe this will get better, but at least it probably won't get worse," things have gotten much, much worse. I'm still on track for getting out this week's reviews, though, so that's something. Small successes?<br />
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We have to find the good bits where we can. Holiday-themed fic review, below.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/241116/luna-just-learned-about-the-play-a-hearths-warming-carol">Luna Just Learned About The Play "A Hearth's Warming Carol"</a></i>, by Singularity Dream<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> <strike>The titular event having occurred, Luna decided to prank her sister by re-enacting the ghosts' visits</strike> Celestia is visited by three spirits who are definitely legit and have nothing to do with a prank being played by Luna, who would even think such a thing, that's just ridiculous.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> There's basically one joke here: that the "prank" is really half-baked and half-hearted, but that the narration (Luna's PoV from an omniscient perspective) refuses to acknowledge it. It's not a bad joke... but personally, I thought that 3500 words stretched it thinner than it needed to be. That's just barely enough time for all the necessary setpieces of an <i>A Christmas Carol</i> parody, it's true, but without more variations in the humor or presentation, it still did start to feel repetitive before the end. On the other hand, there's an aggressive dedication to having things go wrong in mundane, predictable ways (as opposed to via ridiculous setpieces, say) which I appreciated, and the consistency of its silly-sweet mood is a definite plus.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you're looking for something faux-serious, with a heaping dose of light goofiness and a little bit of sisterly banter, this is a short but pleasant read. It might put off those who are sensitive to overplayed jokes, though.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-10826597617913991052017-12-19T00:00:00.000-06:002017-12-19T00:03:01.714-06:00Mini-Reviews: Christmas Edition, Part Two of Five!The holiday ficcing continues! By the way, you'll notice I haven't said anything about the leaked stuff; I glanced through some of the highlights, and it's pretty much all stuff that makes me sad. Even the stuff in there that makes me happy also makes me sad--like, I had a good laugh at [I'm putting it below the break, but rest assured it's 100% spoiler-free], but it was a <i>sad</i> laugh, you know? Like, it makes me sad that these are the people in charge of wrapping up the show, and the "they didn't know" defense just makes it <i>worse</i>. Ridiculous pettiness would be one thing; ignorance and apathy are sadder to me.<br />
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Oh man, that got grumpy fast. Okay, done talking about that. Here's a funny screencap and another mini-review!<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/358396/the-last-windigo">The Last Windigo</a>,</i> by Doctor Disco<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Applejack tells the CMC the tale of how the final survivor of the Windigo race came upon a little filly, deep in the woods... and did the unexpected.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> Unfortunately, this is a bit of a mess. That starts with the editing, which is a weak point throughout; its/it's confusion, missing spaces, and the like abound. The story-within-the-story is extremely telly and rather trite, which could be argued to be in-character for Applejack (if we assume she's a mediocre storyteller, anyway, which doesn't sound implausible), but which doesn't match the reactions or "but it's really a <i>true</i> story!" conceit. Meanwhile, the intro-exo are an unmoored mix of exposition and random humor ("The Cutie Mark Crusaders rushed excitedly to sit in front of Applejack, who now inexplicably had a red and white hat on her head. Apparently Applejack didn’t know how it got there either, as she went cross eyed trying to look at it before sighing") that I didn't find to be to my tastes, personally, and which I more broadly felt weren't a great fit for the tone that AJ's story itself was aiming for.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you enjoy stories-within-stories <i>and</i> are more interested in idea than execution or tone (there are some Hearth's Warming history bits here, albeit presented in ungainly dumps), this might be worth a look. But it's probably not the best choice for a more general audience.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-5601266651733827662017-12-18T00:00:00.000-06:002018-03-07T20:48:47.003-06:00Mini-Reviews: Christmas Edition, Part One of Five!So, thing that destroys my productivity is still a thing. But I've managed to get a little reading done.<br />
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And as you know, I do enjoy the holiday season. So to make up for the missing posts, here's your Christmas present: one full week of holiday-themed posts! That's right, every (week)day until Christmas, I'll be posting a short review of a seasonal fic. Sure, you might say "that's only five mini-reviews, it's not really 'five days worth of content,'" but you know what? I'm <i>doing</i> it over five days, so that <i>makes</i> it five days' worth. So head on down below, and see what fic got the Chris treatment today... and make sure you come back tomorrow, because we're going M-T-W-T-F in the leadup the holidays!<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/237635/memory">Memory</a>,</i> by Algernon97<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Lyra sits alone on a bench on Hearth's Warming Eve, working up the will to go somewhere.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I wonder where the 97 in the author's name comes from? When I see something like that I usually assume it's a birth year, but obviously that can't be right in this case because babies can't write fanf<i>oh my God 1997 was twenty years ago there are people born in 1997 in college right now I am so freaking old.</i><br />
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(as usual, thank you to my small but vital-to-Chris's-sense-of-youthful-identity cadre of followers for whom their thirties are already a fading memory; I can always count on you to remind me that I'm not old, it's the children who are wrong)<br />
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Okay, now for some thoughts about the <i>story:</i> it feels to me like it has maybe one too many pieces of sorrow built into it; for a story under 2000 words, there's enough in terms of melancholic event that it starts to feel contrived. But that sense of contrivance is thankfully limited to the quantity, not the actual execution; Algernon97 wisely doesn't overplay the ending, mostly letting the dialogue and character action/expression speak for itself. The writing is a little repetitive in wording, but is otherwise solid; while the brief, dry, and sometimes almost accountant-like descriptions might be out of place in most stories, here they work to give the story a much-needed sense of reserve. And the respect with which Lyra's dad is handled at the end was much appreciated by me; stories that tackle this subject matter can easily feel offensive and/or exploitative, but that doesn't happen here.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you're in the market for a short tear-jerker, this is a very good choice. If you're the sort of reader whose suspension of disbelief is easily disrupted by repeated tragedy, this probably isn't a great fic for you, though, nor is it for anyone looking for more than a wintertime slice of melancholy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-91723366532805284092017-12-11T16:11:00.000-06:002017-12-11T16:11:00.265-06:00In case you hadn't noticed......I haven't been keeping up my schedule the last week or two.<br />
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Unfortunately, I can't really talk about why; I don't feel it'd be appropriate to share, even through the semi-anonymity of this ponyfic blog. Suffice to say, it stinks, but nobody's dying or going to prison or anything <i>that</i> awful. There's just a <i>thing</i>, it's taking up all my time and energy, and at this point I don't know how long it will last. I'd hoped it would just be a few days... but that was three weeks ago, and since then I've burned through my entire buffer of posts, and have read barely anything (pony or non-) in the interim.<br />
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I'd hoped to get back on track this weekend... but that obviously didn't happen. So, in deference to reality, I'm calling a one-week hiatus on ponyposting. Check back here next Monday at the usual time. Fingers crossed, things will be back to normal by then. But if nothing else, I'll at least have a more definitive update.<br />
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Apologies if coming here three times a week is the highlight of your life; for what it's worth, I enjoy posting too, and I'll try to return to form as quickly as I can.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-25253823118597656632017-12-06T00:00:00.000-06:002017-12-06T00:00:10.612-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 213It's santa-hat time in FiMFicland! If you've got an account, consider bedecking it for the holidays. Go from this:<br />
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And enjoy your month of stylish accoutrementery! And once you've done that, you'll no doubt be in the mood for some seasonal fics, but you needn't fret on that count either; head down below the break for a couple of reviews of Christmas-ish fics.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/234864/yule-in-a-donut-shop">Yule in a Donut Shop,</a></i> by Rune Soldier Dan<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Joe keeps his shop open on Hearth's Warming Eve; he has nowhere else to be, and neither do the poor souls who come to him the evening before the holiday. But then something miraculous happens, and Joe finds something worth caring about--and he's not the only one so infected.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> This fic is <i>A Christmas Carol </i>blunt at all times: from the "look at these sad sacks!" start to the spiritual intervention to the positively glurge-y ending, there's not a single ounce of subtlety to be found in this fic. Whether that's a good or bad thing depends on what you're looking for, though; this story hits its notes like Gallagher hits a watermelon, but they strike true nonetheless. The tone isn't <i>consistent</i>--it's quite a stretch from the early going to, say, some late-fic crackshipping--but it does hit a gamut of emotions as it moves along. And the writing is telly in a good way, its overt expressiveness matching the fic's style, and letting the author work in a few good lines along the way.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If "Christmas fic" is something that appeals to you in the abstract, this would be a good choice: it's as cutesy, overwrought, and un-subtle a piece of writing as you'll ever see, full of "bah humbugs" converting to "Happy Holidays" and general goodwill towards ponies... but if that all sounds intolerably twee to you, you are absolutely correct in thinking that you wouldn't enjoy this.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/151540/home">Home</a>,</i> by RBDash47<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Applejack makes her favorite pie only once each year. It's a family tradition--one which binds her to her mother.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> This is a quietly heartbreaking story, all the more so because it's not actually a <i>sad</i> story. There's no enforced tragedy here; simply a staid, unassuming look at the kind of minor holiday traditions which persist through generations. The gentle melancholy is occasionally let down by the construction taking a turn for the overwritten ("She remembered the first time she had gamboled into the kitchen as a young filly, rambunctious with the excitement every foal experiences[...]"), but the larger part of the story is told in a direct but not emotionally manipulative manner perfectly fit to the desired tone. And the realism of the underlying story is no mistake: as the author mentions in a linked-to blogpost, this story is largely autobiographical. That sense of realism comes through clearly in the finished work, to its great benefit and to the author's credit. <i>Home</i> feels real, but never feels disrespectful or ill-considered.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you're in the market for a short, aching vignette, this fic is a good bet to leave you with that tightness in your chest that you're looking for, without overplaying and veering away from the reminiscing tone it strikes so well.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-69908589430709387012017-12-01T00:00:00.000-06:002017-12-01T00:00:24.983-06:00First Sentences in (Fan)Fiction the 24thSo, you remember a while ago when I plugged my participation in the <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/369824/break-away-the-alicorn-amulet-collaboration">Alicorn Amulet Collab</a>? You know, encouraging you all to go read my Carrot Top chapter (because <i>of course</i> Chris wrote the Carrot Top chapter...), and also the others?<br />
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Well, if you didn't listen to me then, or if you did but then stopped keeping up with the updates, the collab has posted its final chapter. <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/369824/break-away-the-alicorn-amulet-collaboration">Go check the whole thing out</a>; there's some good stuff in there.<br />
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I had intended to comment on all the chapters as they were posted, but I fell behind, felt weird about commenting on chapter six when chapter nine was already posted, and long story short, I didn't. But, since every chapter is mostly self-contained and has a different author, I thought, "What if, now that they're all posted, I did a blog post looking at the opening of every chapter?"<br />
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So I did. Head below the break to see what I think of how everybody handled their hooks!<br />
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(Oh, and for the record: my opening was "Although she knew it was silly, Carrot Top couldn’t help but flinch when the door to the waiting room opened. She’d flinched when the princesses had come in the first time to explain the setup of the testing room and reassure the half-dozen ponies who’d volunteered with a thorough listing the safety procedures in place; she’d flinched when Twilight had popped her head in to let them know that they’d start in just a few minutes; and now, she flinched again as Twilight trotted back into the room." Make of that what you will.)<br /><br />
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<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">As a reminder, the first sentences here are being judged </span><i style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">as first sentences</i><span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">, using my patented HEITSIBPMFTSIATRAEMTCR ("how effective is this sentence in both preparing me for the chapter I'm about to read, and encouraging me to continue reading") scale. On that scale, a five equates roughly to "immediately evokes a specific tone, prepares the reader for the rest of the story, and encourages me to continue reading," a one is "makes me less likely to continue reading," and a three is "a perfectly adequate first sentence, which neither inspires great excitement or great dread." For each chapter, I'll give the title, author, and focus character--no link to the fic in question, though, since that'd just mean linking <a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/369824/break-away-the-alicorn-amulet-collaboration">here</a> over and over. </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Note that, as part of my ongoing tweaking/developing of these posts, I'll be taking a fairly liberal definition of "first sentence," so some "sentences" may be two (or more!) sentences long; "first complete idea" might be more technically accurate, but it's not as catchy. Also, since all the chapters have the same overarching premise behind them, I'll just be giving my overall thoughts on the first sentence, taking knowledge of that premise as a given.</span></blockquote>
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<i>Family,</i> by Cleverpun (Cadence)<br />
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<b>The first line: </b>“I wish I could go in there with you.”<br /><br />“Shiny, I know.”<br /><br />“I’ll be here the entire time. If anything goes wrong…”<br /><br />“Shiny, shh.”<br />
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<b>Thoughts:</b> It's an all-dialogue open (I cut if off right before the first bit of narration), which has a couple of potential pitfalls. First, it can potentially make it hard to figure out who's talking, obviously that's no problem here. The other issue is that without any context for the conversation, that dialogue can feel unmoored. Given the story premise and the fact that this is the first chapter, it's not hard to figure out what these two are talking about, but "Shiny is nervous" and "Cadence is leaving, so probably we're in the Crystal Empire, maybe?" is about as much scene-setting as we get here; that's not a lot for the first four sentences to communicate. Still, picking up in the middle (well, at the tail end) of a conversation does give the fic an immediate sense of impetus. On the whole, I'll give it a three: it's an opening that if perfectly fine in context, but doesn't really stand out when isolated from the chapter it introduces.<br />
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<i>Knowledge,</i> by Titanium Dragon (Twilight)<br />
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<b>The first line: </b>“Are you certain this is wise?” Luna asked. “Cadance seemed unwell after her ordeal.”<br /><br /><b>Thoughts:</b> Coming right after <i>Family,</i> that's a pretty obvious understatement, which I like; it gives Luna a bit of personality without sacrificing her speaking style. That said, it also seems like an odd question to ask at this juncture, rather than have discussed earlier; it smacks of artificially delaying a conversation for the sake of narrative flow. That said, it's not egregiously unusual timing, and gives Twilight a convenient jumping-off point for some important setup, so I can't dislike it too much. Call it another three.<br />
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<i>Love,</i> by No Raisin (Moondancer)<br /><br /><b>The first line:</b> <br />
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ENTRY 1</div>
<br />I could tell that Twilight was uncomfortable with me handling the Alicorn Amulet for the whole week—even though the study will be done in an enclosed space and with guards at the ready in case something goes wrong.<br />
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<b>Thoughts:</b> On one hand, the change of format--this chapter is presented as a series of journal entries--gets it some points right away. Breaking from expectations is a great way to get a reader's attention, and this does just that. On the other hand, giving Moondancer the amulet for a whole week doesn't really fit with how the previous chapters worked, with the amulet capable of dilating time and creating a long(er) term temptation in a short(er) timeframe. It also doesn't flow cleanly from the previous chapter, with its "Send in the first volunteer" lead-in. That's the risk of having all the chapters be semi-independent, I suppose. I guess I'll make this my third three in a row, then; while I like the idea, the context raises questions that the chapter doesn't seem keen to answer.<br />
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<i>Protocol, </i>by FanOfMostEverything (Ditzy Do)<br />
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<b>The first line: </b>Ditzy Doo awoke to the sound of every parent’s nightmares.<br /><br /><b>Thoughts:</b> I like this one a lot. like <i>Love,</i> it breaks the previous format of chapters by--apparently--skipping straight to Ditzy being tempted. That's not a bad choice, since the previous four chapters (my Carrot Top chapter immediately precedes it, if you're trying to figure out where the missing chapter went) all introduced the character and setting before diving into the Amulet's machinations, and the reader's probably got a pretty good sense of the area the Amulet's being kept in by this point. It's also delightfully dramatic, while still leaving itself open-ended enough be hook-y. A high-end four.<br /><br /><br /><i>Hubris,</i> by Moosetasm (Doctor Whooves)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> The Doctor entered the room and shut the door behind himself. He held a metallic cylinder in his mouth and pointed it at the door knob.<br /><br /><b>Thoughts:</b> I'm not a huge fan of this opening, for two reasons. First, it's rather bland; "character futzes with door" plus telly style doesn't add up to immediate engagement. Second, I dislike it because it opens heavy on <i>Doctor Who</i>, sonic screwdriver and everything, and that's not really the direction the chapter itself takes. I mean, yes, it's still Doctor Whooves, but it's not just "David Tennant with fetlocks," which is what this opening is setting the reader up to expect. It's a better chapter than its first two sentences by a long shot (it's actually pretty funny!), but those two sentences only merit a weak two from me.<br />
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<i>Nothing Happened</i>, by Kai Creech (Rainbow Dash)<div>
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<b>The first line:</b> “Are you <i>sure</i> about this?”<br /><br />Rainbow Dash lashed her tail irritably. “Ditzy, we’ve had this conversation twice. I’m even surer now than I was when we started.”<br /><br /><b>Thoughts:</b> This is a line that is stronger in context than it is by itself. Specifically, it's stronger because Ditzy already had a chapter, and her cautioning Rainbow builds on her own temptation--when Rainbow brushes her off, the reader <i>knows</i> what Rainbow's dismissing. And (this should probably be "needless to say"), that's just setting up Rainbow for some suffering of her own. That said, it's still pretty bland on its own and smacks of the same kind of timing convenience I mentioned in <i>Knowledge,</i> but it's still a high-end three.</div>
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<i>Pride</i>, by nioniosbbbb (Chrysalis)</div>
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<b>The first line:</b> <i>Drip, drip, drip, drip.</i><br /><br />The wary mare shivered at the light wind blowing against her coat. She tried to cover herself against the cold, but her hooves disobeyed her. Like rubber, again and again they were snatched back to their original place.</div>
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<b>Thoughts:</b> This is one that I <i>want</i> to like, but that doesn't quite go far enough to seal the deal for me. It's clear that "evocative" is what the prose is going for, and there are bits of it that hit that goal, but there's also some rather odd choices in phrasing (although it may not be wrong, my first thought when I read "like rubber" isn't "stuck in its current form"). Also, the inconsistent presentation subsequent to this opening (we go from "wary" to "groggy" without obvious transition) retroactively weakens the start by casting its characterization into uncertainty. That said, I don't object to starting with some onomatopoeia, and this is still at least a two on my scale.</div>
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<br /><br /><i>Cutie Marks</i>, by Sollace (The Cutie Mark Crusaders [and Twist])<div>
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<b>The first line:</b> Apple Bloom bounded through the open street. “Ah’m open!” she screamed, leaping from hoof to hoof, reared up and waving her hooves as she made a beeline for Scootaloo.</div>
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<b>Thoughts:</b> There's an awkwardness to the "reared up" phrase in the second sentence that trips me up--I want to read "reared" as a verb, and I think that's a natural reaction to the sentence. Mind, the sentence isn't <i>wrong</i>, but I think it's fair to call it <i>ungainly.</i> Plus, I have a lot of trouble picturing a pony bounding around on two hooves, though maybe that's my unwillingness to accept the show's ever-increasing lack of equine physiology nods poking through. Beyond that, CMC playing like a bunch of foals seems to me a pretty natural place to open a story starring them (unlike with <i>Protocol</i>, you couldn't really skip the setup with these four--you kinda have to explain why a bunch of kids got hold of the Amulet!), so this opens on the right tonal note and in the right place. That said, the sentence structure is going to drag me down to a two.</div>
<br /><br /><br /><i>How Great and How Terrible</i>, by Winston (Starlight Glimmer)<div>
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<b>The first line:</b> “Remember, if you start getting uncomfortable—”<br /><br />“Yeah, yeah, free to stop whenever I want.” Starlight Glimmer waved a hoof. “You’ve only told me three times, Twilight.”</div>
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<b>Thoughts:</b> There's an obvious comparison between this and <i>Nothing Happened,</i> in that both involve a pony who's gone through the temptation being more-or-less blown off by a the focus character. But I feel like this opening is weaker, for a couple of reasons. First, Twilight's temptation wasn't emotionally wrenching in the same way Ditzy's was, so the implicit dismissal isn't as dramatic from the reader's perspective. Second, cocksureness is sort of Rainbow's <i>thing.</i> While Glimmer may be full of herself and prone to <strike>mindrape</strike> acting without thinking, she's also shown in many episodes that she takes Twilight's approval seriously. She may not always do what Twilight says or wants, but she doesn't do so <i>lightly.</i> So the casualness she evinces here doesn't match her character the same way <i>Nothing Happened</i>'s does with Dash. But beyond those elements, it still remains functional for basically all the reasons I highlighted with that chapter. So, we'll give this one a three just like we gave that one--but on the lower end, rather than the high side.</div>
<br /><br /><br /><i>Forgiveness,</i> by cleverpun (Luna)<div>
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<b>The first line:</b> Luna closed her eyes and rested her hoof upon the Amulet.</div>
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<b>Thoughts:</b> This is another example of a first sentence that's better in the context of "chapter eleven of a 'variations on a theme' story" than it is by itself. Starting with someone actually touching the Amulet is at once a natural opening point for the chapter, and one the reader hasn't seen yet, so that gives it at least a hint of freshness while still feeling like a comfortable, obvious place to begin. That said, it's still the definition of a three-opening; it does it's job, but it doesn't particularly inspire me to either keep reading, nor to close my browser.</div>
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(I don't think you can actually use "either/nor" together like that, come to think of it, but it <i>feels</i> right to me, so Imma keep it)</div>
<br /><br /><br /><i>Value</i>, by Kai Creech (Pinkie Pie)<div>
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<b>The first line:</b> Pinkie blinked, disoriented, as Sugercube Corner slowly swam into view. For a single moment, the world rocked back and forth like a boat as edges of the room swam into place.</div>
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<b>Thoughts:</b> I'm not a fan of putting "swam into place" into the context of "a single moment;" the former feels like it has to be gradual, while the latter precludes that. Beyond that, this strikes me as a perfectly unremarkable first sentence, that has enough surface-level questions to keep the reader going for a few paragraphs, i.e. enough short-term hook for a first line. But between that and using the phrase "swam into" twice in such close proximity, I'm going to knock this down to a two.</div>
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<i>Redemption</i>, by cleverpun (Trixie)<div>
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<b>The first line:</b> Twilight refilled her quill, and started slowly on the next line. Now that the entire business with the Amulet had concluded, she had lots of paperwork to catch up on.</div>
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<b>Thoughts:</b> This last chapter is an epilogue... and for an epilogue, I think this is a good first line. Right away, it gives us a sense of peace and the passage of time; you don't sit around dithering with your quill when there's something to be tensed out about (like, say, the risks you're exposing your friends to <i>vis a vis</i> Amulet-exposure), and presenting Twilight in a familiar setting gives the reader something to latch onto. It's still not particularly quotable, but it does such a nice job of setting the tone in context that I'll knock it up to a four.</div>
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So, there you go. If you haven't already read the collab, you should;<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/369824/break-away-the-alicorn-amulet-collaboration"> it's right here</a>, it's got some great stuff, and by making it to the end of this post you've already read a few hundred words' worth of it. I mean, you're basically committed now, right? Right.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-38066378299273456332017-11-29T00:00:00.000-06:002017-11-29T00:00:01.404-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 212The best part of Thanksgiving is the leftovers. I don't <i>get</i> people who complain about 'em; it means not having to cook or eat out for, like, a week solid. How is that not great? On an unrelated note, have some mini-reviews, below the break.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/65703/professional-courtesy">Professional Courtesy</a>,</i> by Rainbooms Inc<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Celestia's suggestion that Luna meet up with a fellow moon-deity seems to have gone less well than anticipated, if the arrow in Luna's flank is any indication. <br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I'm of two minds about this one. On one hand, it's well-paced, reveals the details of what happened at a great pace, doesn't lose all its humor if you know most or all of those details in advance, is generally good at being funny without destroying its own premise for the sake of a joke, and has the decency to wrap up before it gets stale. On the other hand, this is the definition of a one-joke fic, the dialogue (while humorous) is rather farther afield from how the princesses might conceivably talk than I can swallow, and is generally an ultra-shallow, imminently forgettable piece of fiction. On balance, it's good at what it is... but "what it is" is setting the bar pretty low, and if it clears it comfortably and with above-average form, it's still not exactly a stunning leap.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you're looking for something short and silly, this is a significantly above-average piece of comedy in the "post-event revelation" genre. If you're looking for anything more than a zero-depth bit of moderately OOC humor, give this a pass.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/243088/those-who-live-forever">Those Who Live Forever</a>,</i> by Moose Mage<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> When a young Twilight Sparkle unexpectedly passed the entrance exam for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, it meant there was one fewer spot available for everypony else. This is the story of the last pony out.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts: </b>This is a quietly heartbreaking story, all the more so because neither of the parties affected by Twilight's success are either particularly aware, nor embittered, by what's happened. But more than that, it's a story about class; about how some of us can afford to fail, while others are limited by circumstances to a single shot at success. And when that chance doesn't come through... well, Moose Mage shows us that the result can still be happiness, and even satisfaction. But it's the definition of unfair, and the fact that that unfairness isn't entirely anybody's fault makes this fic uncomfortable in all the right ways.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If a light-touch exploration of the kind of subtle tragedy that happens every day sounds intriguing to you, consider this highly recommended.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/119876/lux-y-obscurum">Lux y Obscurum</a>,</i> by RomanCandle<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Following the union of the three tribes, there's worry among the non-unicorns--as long as one species controls the sun and moon, how can there be equality amongst the tribes? In response, the leaders and their advisors hit upon a radical solution.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> The debating is the big draw here, though calling it "debating" may be overselling the arguments; all the leaders are more-or-less on the same page, and they need to puzzle out a mutually acceptable solution to a problem they all recognize. And the way they do so is refreshingly free of forced drama, even if the actual dialogue is slightly stilted at times. Beyond that, this is a fine bit of lore and a princess origin fic (don't act like that's a spoiler), but there's not a lot more here than that. Still, if "a bit of lore" is what you're after, this fills in its chosen corner of Equestria's history quite well.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you aren't intrinsically interested in "where Celestia and Luna came from" fic, this probably doesn't have enough else to win you over. But if you're looking for a bit of backstory and a pinch of politics, this delivers both well.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-1688097245479294312017-11-27T00:01:00.003-06:002017-12-05T18:27:18.997-06:00Fandom Classics Part 237: Just an Assistant<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/224797/just-an-assistant"><img border="0" data-original-height="332" data-original-width="256" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNau3kVZ0PMNJmQvz9JvH61yNv3eHDIPVeiGzLkmOpZGswhIZ6H4Koz9Ml9mU-dNkyt4cvIyrHHt4fZflj1T6V-pKBHu2fQtVoWQcIpXF7iicGDvnTvB9maYA6VZLgxiJbhcDq0HlF3uY/s200/6-star.png" width="153" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">To read the story, click the image or follow</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"> </span><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/224797/just-an-assistant" style="color: #8f8f8f; text-decoration-line: none;">this link</a>.</span></div>
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Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend! I got to catch up with some friends in from New York, which was nice; I don't get to see the farther-scattered folks as much as I'd like to. Woo!<br />
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But now the holiday's over, and it's time to get back to the grind. Head down below the break for my review of RadicalDishonesty's <i>Just an Assistant.</i><br />
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<b>Impressions before reading:</b> I vaguely recall this fic kicking up a bit of a fuss when it was first published; given its premise, I assume it was Spike-related. The "poor abused Spike" subsection of this fandom is easily provoked to praise and/or disdain, so that's not much of a surprise. It'll be interesting to see whether this fic falls into the category of "Spike apologia" or if, as the description suggests, it might have a little more substance than that to it.<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> While visiting over tea, Princess Luna congratulates Twilight on how well she keeps her indentured servant in his place. And although Twilight bristles at the thought, Luna's perspective seems uncomfortably on-point to her.<br />
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<b>Thoughts after reading:</b> I was worried when I began this story--not so much because of the plot, but because the writing's weak off the bat. A bog-standard weather-report opening and some clunky narrative telling (e.g. "[...]Spike replied in the sarcastic tone he liked to use") in the first few paragraphs put me on edge, which isn't a great way to approach a fic.<br />
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Luckily, the quality of the opening was misleading, at least so far as construction was concerned; while <i>Assistant</i> isn't without its storytelling flaws, it's put together quite well, leading naturally from setup to premise-introduction to the promised culture-clash and Twi-shaming. From a technical and design perspective, this is a solid piece of writing.<br />
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The actual content, however, seems to me like something likely to have a relatively narrow audience. That's not by itself a good or a bad thing; it's simply an acknowledgement that both the approach to dialogue and the approach to Spike's role in the show which this story takes are not going to be everyone's cup of tea. To start with, the former: this is a story that is very much dedicated to getting Luna to explain the uncomfortable (to Twilight) parallels between how she treats Spike and how an owner treats a <strike>human</strike> <strike>equine</strike> draconic piece of property. It does this effectively, make no mistake... but it also sacrifices a lot of the naturalness which differentiates the dialogue in a story from that of a polemic. Luna goes out of her way to argue word definitions and "innocently" implicate Twilight in acts she clearly finds abhorrent; even if Luna truly doesn't understand why, there's a level of bullheadedness and disconnect from the actual direction of conversation in her pronouncements that rings false. In other words, it's interesting arguments, but not well-written dialogue.<br />
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There's also the fact that the story requires the reader to accept a pretty uncharitable view of Twilight--and of several other ponies, for that matter--in order for it to make sense. Those of you familiar with "Spike apologia," as I alluded to in the Before Reading bit, may already be picturing the kind of thing I'm talking about: things like an assertion that Spike barely knows Twilight's family outside of Shining Armour, while Cadence was welcomed into the family with open arms and made to feel a Sparkle in a way Spike never was (never mind that Twi didn't find out Cadence would be joining the family at all until literally the day before the wedding...), or suggesting that getting a kid out of the house for a few minutes by sending them out on an errand is somehow not a chore, but "servant's work." To be fair to the story, it never explicitly states that these things are true; Luna asserts them from the position of "a thousand years ago, that's just how these things were done," and Twilight comes to see the connections too. A perfectly valid interpretation of the story is that Luna's so trapped in a to-modern-eyes horrific mode of thought that she's literally incapable of understanding healthy relationships that <i>aren't</i> based on power differentials, and that Twilight is being justifiably paranoid about whether she's raising Spike right. That alone elevates this story above a lot of stories that take a similar approach to Spike's treatment; it makes its case entirely in-character, and leaves interpretation to the reader.<br />
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It doesn't hurt that there's a rather sweet ending to it, and one that feels complete while being open-ended enough not to feel like a message mallet has been applied to the reader's forehead. The dialogue delivery may be heavy-handed, but the narrative takes a refreshingly light touch.<br />
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<b>Star rating:</b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">★</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">★</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 16px;">★</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span></div>
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This runs into the same rating issue I occasionally find with the narrower-appeal set of shipfics: I think there's a not-insignificant audience that will really enjoy this, but that a lot of readers outside of that audience won't care for it. So if this is the kind of fic that hits your interest, feel free to shade this up a bit, while if it doesn't, probably mentally knock it down a star or so. As for what those interests are...<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If your reaction to "Twilight realizes just how terribly she treats Spike" is essentially positive (vindication, vindictiveness, etc.), then this would be a great story for you; it doesn't only hit that note, but does it in a way that doesn't patently insult the reader's intelligence! If you find that premise a tough pill to swallow, though, this isn't for you--all you'll find is dialogue non-sequiturs to get to "the point" and shallow justifications left substantially unchallenged. Although, even within that crowd, readers who enjoy culture clash (and, again, can handle the dialogue) might want to give this a chance; Luna does an unusually good job representing a Roman-era approach to "enlightened" human (pony) ownership.<br />
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<b>Next time:</b> <span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The White Mare,</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Warren Hutch</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-68365971933443630252017-11-22T00:00:00.000-06:002017-11-23T16:17:48.535-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 211True quotes overheard in the lunchroom from the fifth-grader's table:<br />
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"I'm so savage, my first word was 'Harambe!'"<br />
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I weep for our future (also, wasn't Harambe last year? Does it just take a year for memes to filter down to the elementary-schoolers? Or at least, to the elementary schoolers in flyover country?). Anyway, mini-reviews below the break.<br />
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(Also: no reviews Friday. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!)<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/167185/mind-your-elders">Mind Your Elders</a>, </i>by Denim_Blue<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Celestia and Luna receive a visit from a representative of the gods who created the world and all other worlds... and to their surprise, that representative is Pinkie Pie.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> This story lays the portentousness on thick from the start--"needlessly vague" is the best descriptor of the princesses' dialogue in the first chunk of the story, and the narration is heavy on emotional cues and reactions. Things pick up a bit in the middle when the conversation with Pinkie lets the author do a bit of worldbuilding, but the entire tone ends up feeling extremely self-flagellating on Celestia and Luna's parts. And the ending is abrupt in a way that largely pre-empts its attempted depth; it's hard to have much of a reaction to Pinkie's decision when there's so little to set it up, and when the lack of time spent establishing Pinkie as "not just a pony" makes it feel more like a return to status quo than a break therefrom.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you enjoy portentous musings and seeing a bit of fear from those nominally in charge, this might tickle your fancy. But if you're put off by rushed developments and "as you already know"-style dialogue, this probably isn't your fic.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/stories?q=freedom+flourishes">Freedom Flourishes</a>,</i> by The Hat Man<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> A tale of a group of crystal ponies who fled the Empire before it vanished for a thousand years--and of the family they left behind.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> The early going on this story feels a bit forced; the author's hand in making everything as difficult as possible/necessary is a little too obvious at times. For that matter, a lot of story elements come off as pretty predictable--there's a neat and potentially powerful idea here, but the tendency to emphasize movement and action-oriented dialogue over emotion and reaction doesn't let that side of the fic fully blossom. However, it does nail its ending, landing on a sweet, slightly-yet-appropriately-for-ponyfic-silly, and all-around heartwarming note.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you can't summon some of your own empathy for friends and family trapped on opposite ends of a thousand-year timeskip, this fic probably won't do enough to sell you. But if you enjoy more event-based storytelling and will pardon a bit for a good finish, this is worth a look.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-21443864345723137262017-11-20T00:00:00.000-06:002017-11-20T00:00:19.681-06:00Fandom Classics Part 236: The Trouble With Genealogy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/268706/the-trouble-with-genealogy"><img border="0" data-original-height="190" data-original-width="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiab32Jl9kZdCKQfqIOv3ij5Xy3h_svvWB6qLOnzLckDtO_e8F4piHeXK15jR4pag83z_3MBeXMk24ZH3E8U_KvKgjLXHziK8NJRgvv4eJp4V6dZ3oKtXOYvQDGxptGhmnX7BW3vHf6Kuc/s1600/6-star.png" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">To read the story, click the image or follow</span><span style="color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"> </span><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/268706/the-trouble-with-genealogy" style="color: #8f8f8f; text-decoration-line: none;">this link</a>.</span></div>
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Good news: I wrote about 2500 words of fiction over the weekend! Bad (?) news: none of it was pony words. If/when I get it into a finished form and post it where it belongs, I'll probably mention it here, though, so if you're absolutely starving for Chrisfic, you'll probably get some... eventually.<br />
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But if you're in the market for Chrisnonfic, then today's your lucky day! Head down below for my review of Arroz's <i>The Trouble with Genealogy.</i><br />
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<b>Impressions before reading:</b> My first impression is that I want to spell it "Geneology," etymology be damned. Beyond that, I must admit that the poor editing in the author's bio ("I'm from the Philippines, i like the show, and i've wanted to at least try writing for a while now") doesn't inspire a lot of confidence, and I'm seeing some more writing issues in the story description. The story is short and Comedy-tagged, and sometimes that combination can ameliorate the effects of weak editing (stuff like missing capitalization is never a good thing, but most people find it spoils the mood of a drama far more thoroughly than of a humorous fic), but I still don't feel great about this one going in.<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Luna tries to sneak into the Ministry of Records to discover the fate of one who was dear to her before her banishment.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> The writing is... well, it's basically of the quality you'd expect from reading the story's description. Run-ons abound, unrelated clauses abut one another with a comfort that belies their inappurtenance, and only a fuzzy awareness of the difference between commas, periods, and semicolons is demonstrated. Besides that, the story is full of straight-up non-sequiturs; some appear to be deliberate attempts at humor, but given the number that are obviously attributable to questionable construction, it rather obscures the attempt at comedy--it's hard to find something funny when it's not even clear if it's intentional or not.<br />
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Speaking of comedy, the last third or so of this story is very much a comedy... in contrast to what came before, which is much more a Drama/SoL blend. Given that the focus in the first half is on Luna's relationship with the pony she's seeking in the Records (well, a lengthy stretch at the start is Celestia waking up and mentally cataloguing her decision to get up and go look for Luna, too) and her fall into NMM, it makes for an abrupt transition when it turns to wacky future revelations. There's at least a clear narrative thread which ties the two parts of the fic together, but I found the tonal whiplash excessive, at least for my tastes.<br />
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But taken on their own, there is some promise to the individual elements of the story. The middle section sketches a scene of familial conflict and the denial of closure, and even if it didn't actually <i>explore</i> that sketch, it still at least outlined a solid dramatic template. And for all that the final headlines come out of left field (earning the story, at almost the last moment, it's Random tag), they are undoubtedly silly. Heck, even Celestia's snack-thoughts-digression-filled search for Luna at the start represents a perfectly serviceable glimpse of an unexceptional moment in someone's evening. By themselves (and not accounting for the quality of the writing), all three are fine. But when you put them together, they total less than the sum of their parts.<br />
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<b>Star rating:</b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">★</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">☆☆</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: "georgia"; line-height: 27px;"><strong style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 16px;">(<a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/p/star-ratings-what-they-mean_15.html" style="color: #127ee0; text-decoration: none;"><i>what does this mean?</i></a>)</span></div>
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There is nothing aggressively awful about this story. The writing is poor, but it obviously represents an honest effort on the author's part (spelling, capitalization, etc. are all mostly or entirely correct; it's the kind of errors that a spellchecker can't help you with that mar the story). The narrative is thematically discombobulated, but does at least describe a coherent series of events. There's even some funny parts! But on the whole, this isn't a story that I'd identify as exceeding "typical fanfiction," and on the Fandom Classics rating scale, that's a one-star fic.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> If you aren't worried about technical writing quality and are looking for a story with both contemplation and goofiness--and don't care about how the transition between the two is effected--you could consider this. I wouldn't recommend specifically seeking it out outside of that audience.<br />
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<b>Next time: </b><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just an Assistant, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">by RadicalDishonesty</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-74351210559371820242017-11-17T00:00:00.000-06:002017-11-17T00:00:15.979-06:00Regarding Christopher TolkienSad news on the Middle-Earth front this week: Christopher Tolkien resigned as the director of the Tolkien estate. It's not news that has anything to do with <i>My Little Pony,</i> no, but it means a lot to <i>me</i>: I've made no secret of my love for the writing of JRR Tolkien over the years I've been reviewing, and this news represents a seismic event in terms of coming impact on how those writings are marketed, licensed, and otherwise handled.<br />
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Head below the break for a few of my thoughts on the matter, if such things interest you. If not, pony stuff will be back on Monday, same time, same place.<br />
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So: Christopher Tolkien is no longer the handling the Tolkien estate. In fact, he stepped down months ago, but the news just became public. What does this mean?<br />
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It will probably be a while before the full fallout from this is apparent, but it's easy to predict what will happen next: Christopher has long been an advocate for "legacy preservation" over "maximum profit," especially since getting burned on the movie rights (where studio lawyers were able to turn film rights to a LotR into the <i>Hobbit </i>movies, <a href="http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2017-08-15-why-shelob-is-a-woman-in-shadow-of-war">those video games where Shelob is a pornstar-looking piece of eye candy who's secretly the savior of Middle Earth</a>, etc.). With him gone, expect to see a <i>lot</i> more selling out in the Estate's near future.<br />
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In fact, it may have already happened. News that Amazon had secured rights to a LotR TV series had just bubbled up; apparently, this deal was struck after Christopher's resignation. When reports about the series first went public, many people were surprised; Christopher was and has been extraordinarily cautious with licensing such things, and it was therefor presumed by many (myself included) that the deal involved some pretty dramatic guarantees of faithfulness to the source material. But given what we know now, a more likely explanation is that the one man capable of saying "no" to $250,000,000 on principle was finally gone. Given that the show doesn't even have a script yet, it's too early to go total doom and gloom about it... but it hardly instills much hope when you realize that the reason this deal was apparently only struck because Christopher was out of the picture.<br />
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It's a sad moment, and the passing of an era. Christopher Tolkien has provided a stunning example of how to preserve and respect an author's legacy, and even without the spectre of an incoming "Lord of the Rings Expanded Universe" or somesuch to fret over, it would be hard not to regret the thought of the Estate passing from such dedicated, caring hands. From works like <i>The Silmarillion</i> and <i>Beren and Luthien</i>, which he edited from decades worth of often-illegible, often-incompatible notes into fully readable stories, to his wonderful <i>Histories of Middle-Earth</i> series, which lovingly transcribes and annotates the long and winding history of his father's writing through various revisions and wholesale concept shifts, Christopher has never failed to make available the things Tolkien fans most wanted, all without doing anything that might "ruin" his father's legacy, or to overstep his own position as a curator.<br />
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Of course, it should go without saying that I don't mind people trying to expand a upon a world which intrigues them, given the nature of this blog; I <i>do</i> object to the idea of making those things "official material" that fans are expected to accept without question. I dread the idea that Middle-Earth might suffer the same fate as <i>Dune</i>, and this brings that fate one step close to reality. We will almost certainly see a lot more "official" Middle-Earth stuff before too long, and at least a little of it will probably be good... but most of it will most assuredly miss the whole point of LotR, and of Tolkien's writing generally. Most of it will most assuredly revel in action setpieces, glorify gratuitous violence, treat the peoples and qualities Tolkien most revered as fodder bumbling comic relief to be mocked rather than celebrated, and otherwise fail on every possible level to be more than an insult to its source material.<br />
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The standards for all things Middle-Earth-related are about to change, and almost certainly not for the better. But even if the worst comes to pass, it's worth celebrating the decades of devotion which these writings have had from Christopher Tolkien. His presence will be missed, but his contributions will surely outlast him. Would that every great author had a posthumous guardian half as dedicated.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-34250737512529141292017-11-15T00:00:00.000-06:002017-11-15T00:00:21.042-06:00Mini-Reviews Round 210I dunno. I'm just tired, man. Here, have some mini-reviews, below the break.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/150508/mistakes-best-not-remembered">Mistakes Best Not Remembered</a>,</i> by Sorren<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> Following her return to Equestria, Luna confronts the spiritual remnants of one of her most unforgivable mistakes... and those affected aren't mollified by the passage of centuries.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I love the message here, that there's more to earning forgiveness than just feeling bad and saying you're sorry--not everyone can be so magnanimous, least of all the dead. It's an important message that children's entertainment (such as, say, My Little Pony) sometimes forgets in its rush to remind us of the importance of making amends. Beyond that, the word use is suitably evocative, painting a clear, grim picture of both the castle, and the events which led up to this tragedy. And make no mistake, it is a tragedy, in the classical sense: a story wherein the hero fails due to her tragic flaw. This fandom hasn't produced very many great tragedies, and it's a pleasure to see someone who knows what to do with the genre.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> This story is heavy on emotional appeals, so readers who find those to be cliche regardless of in-character appropriateness will want to give this a pass--as will those reflexively averse to "sad Luna," for that matter. But for anyone looking for a complex emotional message delivered with clarity and weight, this offers a glimpse of someone suffering, and being forced to accept that their suffering isn't a panacea.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/225385/morality-and-baked-goods">Morality and Baked Goods</a>, </i>by SkyeSilverwing<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> When a gingerbreak cookie comes to life at Sugarcube Corner, the girls find themselves unexpectedly confronting a question of ethics.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts: </b>While there's a definite style to this story, I found that the way it was executed was generally a weakness rather than a strength. Notably, it turns Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Twilight all into distressingly identical Spocks for the sake of preserving said style. Plus, it seems to use nonstandard capitalization almost at random before stopping halfway through the story. The story itself is of the "ask a big question" variety, but I can't say it actually evoked much of a "made me think" reaction from me, because it treats everything so casually. Twilight literally "solves" the moral dilemma by first arbitrarily declaring that the ability of something to say "I feel ____" is the defining feature of heart-possession(?), which is itself the defining feature of life itself(?!), then looking at some crumbs and arbitrarily declaring that they don't meet this criteria. I mean... that's not even a case of the details getting in the way of the big picture. This story doesn't hold together well enough to even ask a question coherently, never mind suggest an answer or direction of consideration.<br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> There's an interesting idea at the heart of this, and I like how Pinkie initially approaches it--it's surprising, but still fits her character, I think. But unless you don't actually care about how the story <i>deals</i> with that interesting idea, this probably isn't worth specifically seeking out.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.fimfiction.net/story/348493/customer-service">Customer Service</a>, </i>by Petrichord<br />
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<b>Zero-ish spoiler summary:</b> A pony goes to Flim to make an illicit purchase--and Flim makes sure that he doesn't change his mind partway through the sale. After all, a good salesman knows how to keep the fish on the hook.<br />
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<b>A few thoughts:</b> I don't have anything bad to say about the quality of the writing in this piece, or how it looks inside a skilled drug-dealer's psyche and picks at his methods and ability to read people, but I do struggle to call it an MLP fanfic. This feels to me like a story that would definitely be better if it weren't about ponies, and that's a problem. I can buy Flim and Sunset's characterizations, but there's nothing in either of them that's particularly necessary to the story being told--the story may inform their characterizations, but I don't think it adds anything uniquely personal to either of them. And of course, the drug angle--the particular one used, if not the concept itself--has no grounding in the setting. In other words, my opinion is that this isn't just a story that <i>could</i> have been about humans, but one that <i>should</i> have. <br />
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<b>Recommendation:</b> That said, I still think it's a good story, with a pleasantly dark-comic tone. If you're not easily put off by "not pony enough," this would be worth looking at.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-22740453159459455002017-11-13T00:00:00.000-06:002017-11-13T00:00:16.013-06:00First Sentences in (Fan)Fiction the 24thWhile watching football yesterday, I started thinking about the word "scrimmage." It's a weird-sounding word when you think about it, isn't it? It doesn't roll cleanly off the tongue; the scr- beginning pulls your tongue back, but unlike with a word like "scrap," where that pullback is followed by a comfortable jaw-drop, it follows it up with another tight vowel with the tongue hurrying back to the front, then a closed-mouth m. It's not elegantly constructed at all!<br />
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I should write a letter to Rodger Goodell, and suggest he change the word to something with better mouthflow. I'm sure he'll appreciate the suggestion.<br />
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And speaking of things that trip off the tongue, here's some first sentence reviews! Check them out, below the break.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">
<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">As a reminder, the first sentences here are being judged </span><i style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">as first sentences</i><span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">, using my patented HEITSIBPMFTSIATRAEMTCR ("how effective is this sentence in both preparing me for the story I'm about to read, and encouraging me to continue reading") scale. On that scale, a five equates roughly to "immediately evokes a specific tone, prepares the reader for the rest of the story, and encourages me to continue reading," a one is "makes me less likely to continue reading," and a three is "a perfectly adequate first sentence, which neither inspires great excitement or great dread." For each story, I'll give the title with a link to the fic in question. </span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; color: #4e4e4e; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">
<span style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Note that, as part of my ongoing tweaking/developing of these posts, I'll be taking a fairly liberal definition of "first sentence," so some "sentences" may be two (or more!) sentences long; "first complete idea" might be more technically accurate, but it's not as catchy. Additionally, the review of each sentence will be split into two parts. The first part will be my thoughts after reading ONLY the first sentence, and the second, my thoughts on it after having read a page or two in and gotten a better sense for the line's context, graded as BETTER, WORSE, or THE SAME when taken as part of a larger whole.</span></blockquote>
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<i><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/02/fandom-classics-part-201-there-theyre.html">There, They're</a>,</i> by FanNotANerd (overall story rating: two stars)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> “Oohh…where is it?”<br /><br />Spike ducked as hardcover novels, sheaves of research notes and a pair of weighty math textbooks went flying past. “Maybe you left it in the-“ he started, but cut himself off as a quill flew past with lethal force, the sharpened tip embedding itself a full inch into the solid oak of Twilight’s workbench.<br />
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<b>Initial thoughts:</b> Spike dodging Twilight's aggressive searching is something we've seen in the show a few times, so that plus the humorous, faux-murderous bit place this opening firmly in the "show-tone comedy" category. And as far as that goes... well, it doesn't really leap off the page at one or otherwise wow the crowds, but it very effectively sets the tone right off the bat, as well as setting the characters, mood, and location for the reader. Call it a high-end three.<br />
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<b>After reading:</b> I suppose it's as good as advertised through the first chapters, but given the darker tone shift as the fic progresses, I'm hesitant to praise it too much for setting the tone. Nevertheless, I suppose it's about THE SAME on average; it still makes for a gentle, acceptable opening that doesn't call much attention to itself while accomplishing some useful things for a first line to accomplish.<br />
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<i><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/02/6-star-reviews-part-164-binky-pie.html">Binkie Pie</a>,</i> by Miyajima (overall story rating: four stars)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> It had been a slow day at Sugarcube Corner. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were away on business in Fillydelphia, and had (reluctantly), left the shop in the competent hooves of their lodger and employee, Pinkie Pie.<br />
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<b>Initial thoughts:</b> I don't like it. The first sentence is fine, but the the second seems like a non-sequitur (how does their absence explain it being a slow day?), it's telly, there's a disconnect between the "reluctantly" and "competent hooves" bits, and there's an extra comma floating around in there. Not the worst start to a fic I've ever seen, but definitely a one.<br />
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<b>After reading:</b> It's WORSE, because it's unrepresentative of the writing quality in the story as a whole. So not only is it underwhelming, it's also misleading.<br />
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<i><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/03/fandom-classics-part-202-brightest-and.html">The Brightest and the Best</a>,</i> by Pineta (overall story rating: three stars)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> “May I have your attention everypony,” said Professor Crystal Clear, Chairpony of the Board of Examiners at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. “The schedule for the final round of admissions tests has now been posted on the notice board."<br />
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<b>Initial thoughts:</b> It's dry, but in a deliberate sort of way that asks enough surface-level questions to keep the reader engaged. So in that sense, it's <i>effective,</i> and I have nothing against effective when it comes to storywriting... but when it comes to first sentences, this feels rather too staid to speak to a reader on its own. A high two.<br />
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<b>After reading:</b> It's BETTER in the sense that that "academic" tone is so integral to the story (or rather, to framing the less-"academic" behind-the-scenes panicking), though it's also fair to say that all of those initial thoughts remain entirely accurate.<br />
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<i><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/03/fandom-classics-part-203-its-elementary.html">It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow</a>,</i> by bats (overall story rating: two stars)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> The light of the early spring sun drifted through the windows of Golden Oaks library, spelling the start of an exciting new day.<br />
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<b>Initial thoughts:</b> It's a little on the goobery side... which makes perfect sense, for a shipfic. Without getting too silly or purple, this opening gives us a good sense of the kind of vague-yet-evocative prose one might associate with romance. It does feel a little too nonstandard in its descriptions to me (I'd be more accepting of sunbeams drifting through the window than the sun itself...), but I still won't knock it below a three.<br />
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<b>After reading:</b> It's THE SAME, in that it accurately presages the tone, sets location, and otherwise does what it looks like it's doing.<br />
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<a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/03/fandom-classics-part-204-mare-who-once.html"><br /></a>
<i><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/03/fandom-classics-part-204-mare-who-once.html">The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon</a>,</i> by MrNumbers (overall story rating: four stars)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> Lacquered wood. Polished brass. Vented steam.<br /><br />These three things represented the pinnacle of the modern era, an era that shaped and defined Twilight Sparkle's library.<br />
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<b>Initial thoughts:</b> I mean, I <i>personally</i> dislike it because I have a reflexive dislike of steampunk. But moving beyond the idiosyncratic, I think it's pretty solid. The short, blunt delivery catches the reader's attention, and is quickly followed with a suggestion of how this AU is different than the Equestria we're all familiar with--it's a world where magic has taken a backseat to engineering, and where scientific progress has languished in favor of applying old technology to ever-more-improbable designs. That it then also casts Twilight as also being part of this mindset helps (re)set her characterization for the reader as well, prepping them for the differences between her personality here and in canon. A solid four.<br />
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<b>After reading:</b> It might be very slightly WORSE, in that the bit about Twi's characterization proves only partly accurate, but it's still a very fine opening.<br />
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<i><a href="http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2017/03/fandom-classics-part-205-change-in.html">A Change in Three Parts,</a> </i>by GaPJaxie (overall story rating: one star)<br />
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<b>The first line:</b> Dust started the day as an earth pony.<br />
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<b>Initial thoughts:</b> This is a great example of how to catch your reader's attention with something nonstandard. One doesn't normally describe oneself as starting the day as a member of a particular species, after all, and right away the reader is being invited into one of the major (intended) story elements: pondering the implications of racial flexibility. I'd give this a solid four, and only shy of top marks by dint of its lacking the grandiosity and/or evocative quotability of my favorite first sentences.<br />
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<b>After reading:</b> It's WORSE, because (as I discussed in my review), the story isn't actually about the ethics of race-changing; it's about freedom of information, and that makes the particular information (which is given prominence in the first sentence) almost tangential. Still a hooky, concise first line, though.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2