Monday, May 1, 2017

Mini-Reviews Round 183

Due to my internet connection having been wonky most of the weekend, I still haven't seen the newest episode (or the newest two, I guess, since Canada has wonderful taste in sports but terrible ideas about TV scheduling).  I'm not optimistic, though; two of the past three episodes have featured Carrot Top, and a more typical ratio in the past couple of seasons has been, like, 1:4.  I'll find out soon enough, I suppose.

Until then, let's review some fanfics!  A trollfic-themed set, because I don't normally read them, so I might as well get several out of the way all at once :P  Check it out, below.

Click Bait Comes to Ponyville, by Flammenwerfer

Zero-ish spoiler summary:  A new pony comes to town, and begins selling newspapers by promising "four weird facts" about this, or telling ponies "you won't believe!" that.

A few thoughts:  This story doesn't make as good (or rather, "good") a use of its title character as I'd hoped; she's pretty much just shouting out punched-up headlines to move papers, rather than going anywhere really ridiculous with what she's doing.  The back half of the fic was suitably nonsensibly crass, though; even I, who am not the target market for these kinds of fics, giggled when Spike got "ass cancer."  Hey, ass cancer is funny, don't judge me.

Recommendation:  That said, this exists in something of an unfortunate middle ground; it's not consistently over-the-top enough to appeal to those who love trollfics for their randomness, nor does it do enough (nor have enough narrative coherence) to appeal to anyone else.  As such, while it's relatively inoffensive for its genre, I'm having trouble thinking of anyone who'd be likely to really appreciate it.

Nightmare Carrots, by Angeltherabbit

Zero-ish spoiler summary:  Two author-inserts summon Nightmare Moon because one of them has a crush on her... but due to a mistake in the summoning, she only has eyes for carrots (and the mares that grow them).

A few thoughts:  This was recommended to me with the prescient quote "you'll hate it, but it's CarrotMoon, so you have to read it."  Although it's several steps up from a google-translated fic, it's clear that English isn't the author's first language (the original was apparently in Polish), and the story mostly rides on lazy meta-humor, repetitive swearing, and appeals to the audience in place of actual comedy.  That said, it does have a whimsical non-logic to its sequence of events which I find vaguely endearing, even if it wasn't enough to get me to overlook the fact that this is basically a bunch of meme-level "comedy" masquerading as a story.

Recommendation:  If you, too, are contractually obligated to read all the Carrot Top fics people point you at, give this a go.  Otherwise, it's probably only for fans of the more self-referentially lowest-common-denomonator brand of trollfic.

Sky Stinger Thinks The Holy Grail Is Down His Toilet, by Blueshift

Zero-ish spoiler summary:  1500 words about bodily functions that I was cruelly tricked into reading.

A few thoughts:  I don't know why I expected more from Blueshift; I guess because it's been a while since he's written something so aggressively dumb.  Anyway, this does one thing which really impressed me: it's super gross without ever being at all explicit, and it's so over-the-top with its firehose-sprays of vomit and the like that it's hard not to appreciate the contrast to the earnestness of the storytelling style.  But still: this is a bunch of toilet humor with some anime stuff thrown in just because... and basically nothing else.

Recommendation:  I think this might be one that trollfic connoisseurs might actually enjoy, but only if they like gross-out humor.  It's definitely not for anyone who isn't into trollfiction, though, nor for trollficcers who don't enjoy disgusting stuff.


  1. "This was recommended to me with the precinct quote 'you'll hate it, but it's CarrotMoon, so you have to read it.' Although it's several steps up from a google-translated fic,"
    Precinct = prescient + succinct? :p

    1. He means someone from his local police station (or perhaps polling station) recommended that fic to him. Chris has way cooler police than I do...

    2. I also forgot to capitalize "English" in the second sentence of that paragraph! Truly, the po-po's got me off my game.