Friday, July 19, 2013

6-Star Reviews Part 147: Transcendence

To read the story, click the image or follow this link

I'm now only one story shy of reviewing every complete 6-star story!  Granted, I'm still something like half a million words shy if you want to count it that way, but the point is that I've very nearly accomplished the completely arbitrary goal I set for myself almost two years ago.

...Hey, you've gotta take your victories where you can get 'em.  Click down below the break for my thoughts on Corejo's Transcendence.

Impressions before reading:  Well, what do you know: this story began just a month before I started this blog!  I'm sure that means there's some sort of deep and meaningful karmic connection between it and me; if only I could puzzle out what exactly it is.

The sad tag and description have me suspecting that this is one of those "Scootaloo learns she'll never be able to fly" stories which were so prevalent at one point, and which I still see pop up every now and then.  Hopefully the author brings something new or original to the table, if that's the case.  And in any event, I really hope this story doesn't coast on weepy angst, as too many "Scootasad" (not a fan of that portmanteau, by the way) stories did and do.  Those are all hypotheticals, though; I'm hoping for something, well, transcendent.

Zero-ish spoiler summary:  From the day she moved to Ponyville, Scootaloo has idolized Rainbow Dash.  This is the story of that idolization, its fallout, and its aftermath.

Thoughts after reading:  So, first thing's first: Scoot can fly just fine in this story, thank you very much.  In fact, it's mostly a tale about her learning how to fly, spread over several years.  From her first lessons to the upper echelons of competitive flying, this story follows Scoot's growth as an athlete, and as an individual.

That part's all fine, so far as it goes.  In fact, it's better than fine; the descriptions of flight and racing, of practice and stuntsmareship, are generally interesting and intelligent without being overly technical or difficult to follow.  Moreover, they provide a nice counterbalance to the more staid scenes with which they share time.  Corejo does a good job of breaking up physical action and memories/dialogue, never letting the narrative pendulum swing too long towards one or the other.  In that sense, this is quite a good story.

However, tonal consistency is a weak point throughout; it seems that the author couldn't decide whether he desired a slightly more serious but basically faithful take on the show's aesthetic, or wanted to go for a much darker and more aggressive tone, and the story waffles between these poles throughout.  Meanwhile, the fic consistently places inordinate emphasis on characters or events which turn out to be of tangential relevance at best.  A good early example of both of these lies in Scootaloo's new teacher (Scoot having graduated from Cheerilee's lower grades), a stock villain who plots to ruin all Scoot's fun because Scoot's a poor student.

I'd just like to butt in and say, by the way, that I didn't really notice until a few years ago just how many stories (published and fanfiction) make unironic use of a teacher as a joyless hellbeast bent on ruining fun.

Anyway, when Scootaloo's father unleashed a profanity-filled tirade upon her, after which she essentially disappeared from the narrative against all expectation and logic, it pretty well established that tone and focus were where this story was going to struggle most.

The story's text also is uneven, though to a much lesser degree.  At times, the narration seems positively convivial; in other places, affectatious prose such as "Nothing in her voice denoted demand, but the simplicity of it provoked an instinctive drive to comply" seems positively ultraviolet by comparison to the rest of the text.  Still, this sort of thing was the only issue I noticed with the writing; several editors are credited with assistance on one or more chapters, and their work shows in how clean the writing is overall.

Characterization varied dramatically from character to character.  Scootaloo was well-realized and largely relatable--crucial to a story like this.  Her father also had a prominent role, which was well-developed if hokey and predictable.  But, as mentioned, Scoot's teacher was a straightforward troll, and other minor characters were often given defining characteristics in place of actual character.

Then, there's Rainbow Dash.  Without going into spoilers, let me say that I didn't buy her portrayal.  But to talk about that, and the ending itself, I'm going to have to break out the spoiler tag.  If you want to go into this story fresh, just know that I was very disappointed in the ending--not because it didn't fit Scootaloo, but because it was (or at least, seemed to me to be) a tragedy, but was presented as a triumph.  For more--and, you know, spoilers--click below:



Star Rating:   (what does this mean?)

My spoiler-licious problems notwithstanding, this story has a lot of very nice flight and stunt elements, woven into the larger narrative in such a way that they're consistently engrossing, not to mention well-written in their own right.  And Scootaloo herself was a fascinating, sympathetic character.  I just wish I could say as much for the rest of the ponies that populate this fic.

Recommendation:  Readers in search of something with a good mix of non-violent action (and often, non-competitive as well, as when she's training) and main character characterization will find it here.  Folks looking for solid characterizations past that, or for tonal or thematic consistency, will probably find this less to their liking.

Next time:  The Immortal Game, by AestheticB

20 comments:

  1. Can you clarify what you mean by Dash "didn't know how to apologize"? I looked at the spoilers because I don't plan on reading the story, but I'm still curious as to what happened. Rainbow's actions don't seem to make any sense.

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    1. It seems the simplest thing to do here is just provide the relevant section of the ending. Here's a doc with the bit in question--spoilers ahoy, obviously!

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  2. Of what did Scoot take, Chris? Inquiring minds want to know!

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  3. I haven't read the story, but after looking at the spoiler, I don't think I want to. Just sounds like another "Rainbow Dash is a horrible pony and Scootaloo is better off not knowing her" kind of story.

    ...

    I just judged a story by a spoiler in a review. I'm a bad person.

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    1. Well, at least Corjeo got Dash's character right :P

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    2. The surface traits, at least. Dash is egotistical and a pretty big jerk at times, but she's also loyal and cares about her friends. The worst she'd do after Scootaloo lost was jab her in the ribs and bring it up from time to time, but she would never call her worthless and walk away, nor would she keep acting like an a-hole long afterwards.

      This fic could not have happened if "Sleepless in Ponyville" had aired a season earlier.

      I'm all for stories where Scootaloo gets over Rainbow Dash and finds her own identity. A lot of kids give up on trying to be just like their role models, or find out that they're flawed and broken like the rest of humanity, but nevertheless become responsible members of society. But this is not how you do that.

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    3. Sure, but then that's the one issue I have with what I otherwise consider the only good episode in S3. Characters changing and progressing is great, but Sleepless in Ponyville didn't have character development, it just had a different rendition of Rainbow Dash.

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    4. I disagree Mr Inquisitor.
      She's no one trick pony.
      Just because her character differs in SiP from what we have seen before does not mean it's a different version. It just means that that facet of her personality was not relevant to the scenes we has seen her in previously.

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  4. The original scene after the Best Young Fliers most people believed Dash was trying to stop Scoots from following in her hoofsteps because it would be a path she would never truly excel in and would waste her life on.
    Most people were under the impression that Scoots would transcend her old Dash-reliant self and truly discover who she was. Instead the story had her simply prove Dash wrong. And made her sacrifice not a sacrifice, instead she was just a bitch.
    There is nothing transcendent about this story at all.

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  5. Also I still consider Icarus to be a complete 6 Star, though it was taken down.

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  6. Thanks for saving me from another bad fic, Chris. I really don't need to witness another author working through their own issues with role models and authority figures. Particularly with a "modified sour-grapes" ending. Boy, am I ever sick of that!

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  7. Them lousy, no-good teachers! Can't trust any of 'em as far as you can throw 'em! 'Specially the ones that make blogs.

    Also, I looked up "affectatious" on Dictionary.com and it gave me no results! Now I know your making words up!

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    1. "affectation n
      1 an insincere display (e g of a quality not really possessed) 2 a deliberately assumed peculiarity of speech or conduct; an artificiality"


      "Affectatious" must relate to that, then.

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    2. It does. Wiktionary has an entry on it. (Which, to be fair, doesn't prove it's an actual word...)

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    3. I was going to quote my dictionary to you... but it's not listed there either! I did find it in the OED, where it's described as "obsolete." Huh, I honestly didn't know it wasn't standard lexicon. Does that make my use of "affectatious" itself affectatious? I mean, "an affectation?"

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    4. It was affective, and that's all I'll say about it. :-P

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    5. Obsolete my arse. I must go and use it several times to make my point.

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    6. I'm convinced lexicographers have no clue what they're talking about. There have been several times where they said my use of some word, such as corpse, was obsolete or archaic

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  8. Ugh. UGH. You are SO right about that ending. Okay, I'm knocking a half-point off my rating now. :| I knew something didn't fit.

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