Wednesday, July 19, 2017

I Changed My Mind and Wrote That ASoIaF Fanfic I Threatened To On Monday, But Instead I Made It an MLP Trollfic And I'm Inflicting It On You All Because There's No Way I'm Going To Sully FiMFiction With Something Like This

I think the title is pretty self-explanatory.  Head below the break, if you're in the market for a trollfic.  And if you're not, here's your fair warning.

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville.

"This weather is so lame," groaned Scootaloo.  "Why can't we have, like, a tornado or something?  Rainbow Dash is still the weather manager, isn't she?  There oughta be tornadoes and stuff everywhere!  It'd be so cool!"

Sweetie Belle nodded absentmindedly, humming a few bars of Octavia's new single, Ode to a Sunny Day In Ponyville (Bass Cannon Remix).  She considered pointing out that she thought it was "pretty cool" of Dash and the weather team to give them such a nice afternoon, but decided against it.

"Hey, you know what we should do?" said Applebloom.  "We could help my sister in the orchard and try to get cutie marks in apple-bucking!"

Scootaloo looked at her incredulously.  "We've had cutie marks for years, Bloom.  Did you forget again?"

"We'll make our mark / Helping fillies to break through / To the ultimate reward of a cutie mark," Sweetie helpfully added.

"Oh, right!  I always forget about that, on account of Applejack saying that harassing children isn't a real job and that's why Uncle Bad Apple has to wear a tracker on his leg."  She scratched her ear.  "So... maybe we should go help at the orchard anyway?"

"That sounds lame," Scootaloo declared.  "No, let's do something that's... not lame!"

"Like form an a cappella trio!"

"Or help with the apple harvest!"

"Or, we could not do those things."  Scootaloo shook her head.  "Whatever.  Let's head to the castle.  Maybe we can ask Spike to set things on fire for us."

"Burn, baby, burn," Sweetie chirped.



The three fillies headed towards Twilight's castle.  In the distance, Canterlot looked down over them.  "I'll bet there's cool stuff in Canterlot."  Scootaloo sighed wistfully.

Strains of music and agriculture blather answered her.

Finally, they reached the castle.  Before they could go seek out Spike, though, Twilight came trotting out.  "Oh, hi girls," she said.  "I was just heading out.  Is there something you needed from the castle?"

"We're gonna ask Spike to entertain us with property destruction," answered Scootaloo.

"Actually," said Sweetie Belle, "I was thinking that maybe I'd check out a music book and practice my singing instead."

"I wanna read about apples!" said Applebloom.

"You three sound like well-rounded and multidimensional characters," Twilight said with a smile.  "Well, have fun!  If you need me, I'll be preventing the apocalypse!  Or we'll all be sapped of our life force!  Either way!"  She left.

"Whatever," grumbled Scootaloo.  "Now c'mon girls, I'm sure we can find a way to be less lame that involves singing and, uh, apples."

A few hours later, Applejack was disappointed to find the trio riding Vinyl's stolen turn-table-mobile, setting fire to the orchard while "Ride of the Valkyries" played.  Disappointed, but not really surprised.


I'm so, so sorry.


  1. C'mon, Chris, you promised me trolling. This is random comedy, I am so disappointed. :|

    Super Trampoline would be proud of that title, though.

    1. I thought Super Trampoline was doing a guest column at first.

    2. Same here. Or Fan Of Most Everything. :)

    3. The setting you up for disappointment at no trolling was the trolling, obv. :P

  2. A Song of Apples and Scooters.

    Write a trollfic about the Blackfish next.

    1. I would, but Fluttershy already fed him to her ferrets :(