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As a matter of both district policy and common sense, I try to be very careful about what information I publicly share about students I work with. I think it's safe for me to reveal, however, that yesterday I had the opportunity to read a creative writing piece titled "Booger Boy vs. Boring Guy vs. Batman." Honestly, it wasn't half-bad--I liked it better than the typical "[pony] [verb]s a [noun]" stories which are so prevalent in fanfiction, at any rate. Then again, that may just be a product of expectations.
Anyway, and on a (thankfully) unrelated note, my review of shortskirtsandexplosions' Hiccups, after the break.
Impressions before reading: I've pretty much had SS&E's entire oeuvre recommended to me--at least, it feels like it--so I chose this one based on the fact that it was among the most-recommended (and, judging from viewcount, most popular) of his shorter stories. I may hit up another story or two of the author's, but as I know I've mentioned before, I'm making an effort to space things out with these reviews.
As for the story itself? The tense slip in the last sentence of the description is worrying, but I've come to expect technical competence (if not necessarily excellence) from the author, so I'm going to hope that's not indicative of story quality. Judging from the description, it's hard to tell going in if this is going to be full of Rockwellian charm or absurdist sexualness, though I'm definitely hoping for the former.
Zero-ish spoiler summary: After a slumber party prank, Rainbow Dash's friends discover that she reacts very... strongly... to tickling.
Thoughts after reading: Well, this one definitely went for "sexualness," though "absurdist" might be a stretch. "Awkwardness" would probably be a more apt description. And that is perhaps my biggest problem with this story.
You see, Hiccups is written with the structure and attitude of a show-style slice-of-life fic... except that about halfway through, it veers into unintentional forced orgasms. Even more bizarrely, this is treated as a natural extension of the story's previous tone. If suitably mocked-up, this could easily be absurd... but here, it's kept firmly in the realm of awkward believably instead. The result is not altogether unlike watching a mother loudly swear at her children in a restaurant: you can't quite bring yourself to say it's wrong, but you'd certainly rather be anywhere else.
Beyond the strange, ill-fitting amalgam which is the story's tone, there are other problems, most notably pacing. The first half of the story doesn't tie into the last half, and not only because of the aforementioned tone issues. The two halves both share a setting, true, but there's nothing in terms of plot, action, or story design which tie the two together in any way; the storytelling which opens this fic serves no purpose beyond any inherent entertainment it provides. It wouldn't quite be proper to say that Hiccups meanders, but it is certainly disjointed.
The editing of the story is mediocre. Few if any issues impinge upon readability, but there are a noticible number of spelling and grammar errors, mostly homonym mixups (fare/fair and the like). Character voicing is, frankly, pretty bad ("'I haven't heard anythang so grotesque in my life!' Applejack added"), though the characters themselves are all readily identifiable--at least, until near the end of the story. Once talk turns to uncommon turn-ons, I lost most of that connection to the characters--and I don't think it was only because I'm a prude.
Star rating: ★☆☆☆☆ (what does this mean?)
This story can't decide whether it wants to be risque and ridiculous, or faithful to the tone of the show. The end result is neither, and the story doesn't have much in the way of redeeming qualities to make up for that.
Recommendation: I'm sure I lost a lot of people at "forced orgasm." For the rest, I still only recommend this to those with a specific appetite for adult-themed (but not X-rated) SoL stories with little direction or purpose.
Next time: Distorted Perspective, by Vimbert the Unimpressive
It's like SS&E abruptly decided to turn his comedy into halfhearted erotica.
ReplyDeleteRarely been so glad to share an opinion you you, Chris!
ReplyDeleteHear, hear! This story sucked, exactly for the reasons Chris gives. It was a chimera with two heads, and frankly reads like it.
Delete>but I've come to expect technical competence (if not necessarily excellence from the author
ReplyDeleteForgot to close your parentheses in the most ironic of sentences, my good chap. If memory serves (and with me, it rarely does), you tend to forget the second half on a semi-regular basis.
>but her, it's
here*
Haven't read the story, but the premise reminds me of an idea I had ages ago starring Dash where she ends up in Cloudsdale prison and instead of "dropped-the-soap" style rape the inmates established dominance by using their wings for intense tickling. Dash, naturally, asserts herself as tickle queen ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=7O6rxb9XO1Y#t=72 ). I couldn't come up with anything besides that so the idea was dumped in landfill and then paved over.
You forgot "serves no purpose other beyond". :B
DeleteHaven't you noticed? Ironic slip-ups are practically a defining feature of my reviews!
Delete...How about I clean those up, though.
P.S. I know little and less about the wide world of emoticons, it's true, but what on earth is :B supposed to represent? A rabbit? If so, I think he'd look better with an equals sign for his ears, like this: =:B
You mean it's not a buck-toothed redneck hillbilly?
DeleteAs Inquisitor said, it's supposed to be like a "dumb" emoticon. I never use it myself but I've always thought it would best accompany something like a "hurr hurr dat dum" laugh.
DeleteYou're in luck, Chris, as I just explained this to Bad Horse yesterday. Have a copypasta:
Delete":B as i see it is a dude either puffing his cheeks out or who has large buckteeth and is letting them show. I use it as a myriad of things: "well, that's the way things are", "I just said something dumb", "I'm being obtuse", "well'p", etc. You're not the first to be confused by it, and those who have been have given me tremendous reason to consider my own usage of it. I'm not even sure sometimes; it's one of those things that just feels right, and thus is fraught with inconsistencies."
This review largely sums up:
ReplyDeleteMy reaction to SS&E's fics other than Background Pony--and there's a lot of "other" out there including those giant stories with the unpronouncable titles that he writes as Imploding Colon. Maybe there's stuff in them that I'm not seeing, but, well, I've pretty much stopped looking for it at this point, I have to admit...
Mike
Thou shall not speaketh that unholy name!
DeleteWait, Imploding Colon (and just as an aside, that has to rank among the most bizarrely tasteless pen names in this fandom, and that's saying something!) and SS&E are the same person? Huh. You live and learn.
DeleteI don't remember:
DeleteWhy I concluded that they were the same person--probably it was a comment I read somewhere--and I don't know if it's a breach of what they used to call netiquette for me to have brought it up. All this secret identity stuff on the internet just seems to confuse me: I was once severely upbraided by a guy for referring to him by his actual name in an e-mail I sent to an account he'd set up for one of his "nom de web" identities... :)
Mike
Most of the time I end up reading SS&E stories because they have an interesting premise, but he always seems to flop the landing. It it way more frustrating that reading a thoroughly bad story, because it gets bad just after you start getting invested.
ReplyDeleteSometimes SS&E's fics are like a jalapeño loaded steak sandwitch: burns a bit but hits the spot. Sometimes they are like an opulent feast where most of the food will be wasted for want of moderation, but boy do you enjoy stuffing yourself beyond satisfaction. And sometimes they are a bad of msg heavt no name brand ketchup flavor chips and a half a bottle of flat Dr. Pepper: yeah it is still food, and sugar and salt taste great, but...
ReplyDeleteYeah anyway this is one of the latter. Less a guilty pleasure and more what you settle for but regret.
Also, there are several scenes and episodes in the show that are entirely references/parodies, yet noone seems to get it and so they read way too much into a simple joke.
ReplyDeleteDragonshy is one such episode with the entire episode being a Hobbit reference in nearly every way.
The scene with Dash not wanting her hooves filed in Ponyville Confidential was another such direct reference to another scene of a tomboy in a spa, in this case Avatar: The Last Airbender's episode "Tales of Ba Sing Se" in which the 2 female main characters visit a spa for a pick me up. The blind earthbending tomboy Toph who sees with her feet via vibrations only agrees as long as no one touches her feet. The next scene shows the spa girls shaving the tough caloused skin off the soles of her feet, followed by them being blasted through a wall.