New Fanfiction By Chris

Break Away: The Alicorn Amulet Collaboration

Cadance and Twilight have discovered something about the Alicorn Amulet. Whenever someone rejects its promises of power, it weakens the Amulet's magic. In theory, if enough ponies should be tempted by it and reject it, it would destroy the amulet forever.

They summon the help of volunteers from across Equestria, in the hope of destroying it for good.

*****

If you haven't been keeping up with cleverpun's collaborative project about various ponies trying to resist the Alicorn Amulet's lures... well, you should be.  First off, I'm in it, and my chapter's just gone up.  But also, there are a variety of authors, from the famous to the relatively new, who've offered up a wide variety of takes on the same core idea.  Collectively, they make for a fascinating range of interpretations, and with the collab currently under 20,000 words, now's a good time to jump in and start reading before it gets too long (don't worry, all chapters are already written).

So go click that picture/title above and read it!  And when you're done (or before, if you prefer), come back here and head past the break, where I'll talk about my just-published part in the collab: chapter four, the Carrot Top-centered Relevance.  Find out more about what I wrote, below.

Fandom Classics Part 228: "Princest is Wincest," It Said

The author didn't use any cover art, so here's a visual representation of my feelings about authors not using cover art.  Also: to read the story, click the image or follow this link.

Work is too much work; I feel like I've got no time for the important things in life, i.e. reading MLP fanfics and writing those suckers up.  Somehow, I forgot what the start of the school year actually entails.  You'd think after all these years, the fact of the impending time sink wouldn't sneak up on me like that... and yet, it does.

But now, on to my review of the OMPR-award winning (in the category "Most Improbable Title for a Fic that Chris Actually Dedicated a Fandom Classic Review To," narrowly edging out Brony Hero of Equestria) "Princest is Wincest," It Said, by cleverpun.

Episode Talk: S7E13, The Perfect Pear

The mid-season hiatus is finally over!  At least, it is for those of us who've been watching episodes as they're released stateside.  What fortuitous timing; they've returned just in time for me to... miss the next few weeks.  Huh.

Well, I was still here this Saturday, and I wanted to share a few opinions.  And post pictures of Carrot Top, because natch.  As usual, this isn't a comprehensive review of what I saw--more "here's some things that stuck out to me/random thoughts I had while watching."  If that sounds interesting to you, see what I had to say about the latest episode, below the break!

Mini-Reviews Part 191

First, my complete and comprehensive analysis of the new trailer for the MLP movie:

Carrot Top confirmed!  There was probably some other stuff, but why focus on the negative (no really, please don't ask me bitch about everything I don't like, or I'll never stop)?  Let's instead take a moment to acknowledge that, no matter what else goes wrong, there will be at least one reason to watch the film.

But for now, let's focus on the fanfiction side of the pony equation--and, in keeping with our best-part-of-the-trailer theme, let's make it another Carrot Top edition!  Well, an edition of stories wherein Carrot Top is one of the tagged characters, anyway.  Head down below the break for my thoughts.

Mini-Reviews Round 186

I didn't write about last week's episode because it was honestly pretty forgettable, but I have things to say about Parental Glidance!  And you probably don't care, because you watched it with the Canadians two weeks ago :P  But I just watched it this weekend, so here we go!  First, Dash's parents were great, but I don't like that they never learned any sort of lesson: I mean, we've seen the kind of neurotic mess that they created by stifling their daughter's ability to distinguish legitimate praise from mindless acceptance, and the ridiculous lengths Dash goes to because she keeps seeking genuine, meaningful recognition, yet is unable to see it for what it is when presented to her.  I mean seriously, Dash is my favorite main-six pony, but she's got issues, and we finally find out why... and the only lesson at the end is "this is fine?"  Don't get me wrong, I'm no advocate of Tiger Mom-ism, but come on.\

Second, and more importantly, Carrot Top!

What, did you think I wouldn't notice Carrot Top sitting third from the left, top row?  I'VE GOT EYES LIKE A STEEL TRAP.  As you can see, she's in literally the cheapest seats at the show; she assumed that, because it was a matinee, attendance would be sparse and she'd be able to move down to a better seat.  She was half-right; there were plenty of empty spots in the "gold" and "diamond" seating areas, but it turns out the Sugarcube Corner Skyline® at Hayburger Stadium® had recently instituted a new PSL policy that allows season ticket-holders to hold and sell their paid-for spaces through the Wonderbolts' resale front for a small commission.  The upshot?  Carrot Top could've moved down a few rows... but only if she wanted to cough up an extra 80 bits.  Oh well; at least she wasn't sitting behind anyone wearing a ridiculously large hat this time.

Plus, she was able to get a signature from the Wonderbolts' newest member!  And it only required standing in line for four hours in the blazing hot sun!  Unfortunately, she didn't get quite the reaction she was expecting when she brought her "souvenir" home.  "You got Rainbow Dash's signature?  Rainbow Dash's?"  Written Script would ask her, his confusion plain to see on his face.  When Carrot Top assured him that RD's signature was going to be worth a lot someday, he shrugged.  "I suppose we'd better start saving our monthly weather bills, then.  You... you do remember that they're signed by the Ponyville weather manager, right?  And that that manager is still Rainbow Dash?"

Carrot Top did not, in fact, remember that.  But she didn't admit that she didn't remember it, which (she was pretty sure) was the important thing here.

Okay, okay.  On to some reviews of fanfics!  Get 'em below.

Episode Talk: S7E3, Flurry of Emotions

Well, did you all join me in watching that terribly disheartening mess they put on TV over the weekend?  Did you cringe, as I did, at all the missed opportunities, the flatly boneheaded decisions by those in charge, and the questionable calls?

I'm talking about the Wild losing to the Blues, of course.  Talk about a wasted year.

But from what I hear, there was another show in town on Saturday.  Head down below the break, and I'll tell you what I thought of that, too.

HOLD THE FREAKING PRESSES

So I got home today and there was a giant box on my doorstep.  "Hmm," I said to myself, "What's this?  I don't remember ordering anything recently."  Then I remembered that PresentPerfect asked for my address not to long ago.  I assumed it was to send me a book (on those rare occasions when ponyfolk ask for my address, it's almost always to send me a book), but this box was way too big for that, and not nearly heavy enough.  What gives?

So I open it, and what do I see?

What.

WHAT.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

I... I don't even know what to say right now.  This is the most ridiculously, absurdly amazing thing that anyone's ever done completely out of the blue for me (okay, I assume it wasn't "out of the blue" for you guys, since crazy awesome plushies don't just happen on their own... but it was out of the blue to me).  And she's even got that gorgeous dress from A Hearth's Warming Tale!  

I'm honestly tearing up right now.  I'm touched that I've done something--even something as silly-sounding as "writing a bunch of fanfic reviews"--that you guys have enjoyed so much, and... okay, so this plushie is ridiculously nice, but even if it weren't... just the idea that you guys would all go out of your way to try to do something so nice for me, someone who you've never even met in person, is kind of overwhelming.

I can't put the words in the right order right now, so I'll just repeat myself: this is an amazing, wonderful, unexpected gift, and the meaning behind it is humbling.  Thank you, all of you who were part of this.  It's incredible.

Episode Talk: S7E01-02, Celestial Advice/All Bottled Up

Well, a new season has come, and I'm here to talk about it!  Okay, about 90% of what I'm here to do is post screenshots of Carrot Top, but that's good too, right?

Oh, and happy Easter, I guess, if you're into that sort of thing.  But below the break, we talk about only the important stuff: my opinions--arranged mostly as a mass of "here's something I think"s rather than as a cohesive review or summary--on the S7 opener!

And Carrot Top.

Below!

Mini-Reviews Round 168

I got a new tablet yesterday (actually, I got an old, refurbished tablet, but whatever--it's new to me), and have spent several hours personalizing it.  The most important question, of course, is "what should my wallpaper be?"  I don't think any of you are going to be surprised by my choice:

Yeah, it goes nicely with the theme established by the wallpaper on my laptop:

...But with the added bonus of being fanart for something I wrote, so I get a little thrill of validation every time I open the sucker up.  Go me!  Then go below the break, the better to peruse my mini-reviews.

Fandom Classics Part 193: Post Negative Comments Only

The author didn't give any cover art, so I get to pick for him!  Let's be honest, there was only ever one choice of subject material, relevance to the story itself be damned.  Oh, also: to read the story, click the image or follow this link.

Because of Christmas and New Year's both falling on a Sunday this year, "winter break" for our district is only going to include six days off, instead of the usual seven or, most often, eight.  I know it shouldn't matter to me--winter break is still the same number of days in absolute terms, and the school year involves a set number of school days regardless--but it still feels like I'm being cheated, somehow.  Oh well; my review is Estee's Post Negative Comments Only, below the break.

Your Post Election Safe Space

I'm setting this post up before the results have started to come in.  Regardless of your leanings, I'm sure some things didn't work out the way you'd have wished this cycle.  Maybe the wrong person is president.  Maybe they're facing a hostile senate.  Maybe your school board got taken over by flat earthers.  Whatever the case, take a moment to breathe deeply, and remember that it could've been worse.  America's been through worse (it's true!  Remember that one time we had a civil war so fierce and protracted that one out of every fifty people in the country died fighting it?), and no matter what, we'll make it through this too.

Carrot Top, you are not helping right now.

Regular posts resume Friday; for now, enjoy some calming Carrot Top cuteness.  It's all going to be okay.

That's about how I look the morning after an election.  It's legitimately uncanny.

WARNING: Comment section may be less than 100% safe.  Stay up here with the cute pictures if you don't want to debate politics.  If you do want to debate politics, though, by all means keep scrolling.

Episode Talk: S6E25-26, To Where and Back Again

Okay, now that I've had a couple of days to bask in the goodwill borne of longevity, it's time to squander it all by complaining about the show!  That, or praising the parts you (yes, you) didn't like.  Which will it be this week?  You'll have to read to find out!  Only one thing is certain when Chris starts talking episodes: there will be at least one screenshot of Carrot Top.

Here we see Carrot Top and Berry Punch chatting as Starlight and Trixie return to Ponyville.  Berry's in the middle of describing to Carrot Top how, while walking home from the bar last night, she observed a swarm of changelings descend upon the town, abduct several of the community's most prominent members, and fly off to parts unknown carrying the screaming Twilight and company and leaving behind several of their own number in disguise.  Carrot Top, in turn, observes that changelings aren't exactly the most subtle of species, but that it could be worse.  The fact that Twilight's shenanigans rarely result in the town being destroyed these days is a step up, at least.  Both agree that the whole situation will probably sort itself out by tomorrow.

Later in the day, the two of them went to each of the "main six" in turn, demanding the fifty bits back which "we totally loaned you last week."  

Episode thoughts, below the break.

Books, Episodes, and Dead Mice

A bit of a grab-bag today, as I have several things I want to say a little bit about, but none which really merit an independent post.  Also, this gives me an excuse to slap four different tags on a single post--there's no good reason why I want to do so (and I could get a couple more on there if I really wanted), but it amuses me, so we're doing that.  Click below the break for a little Episode Talk, some Talk About Actual Books, and my patented Ramblings!

(And if you can't guess what the fourth tag is, you haven't been following this blog nearly long enough)

Episode Talk: S6E18, Buckball Season

Remember the good old days when Carrot Top was in virtually every episode?  Sometimes on screen two or more times simultaneously when they showed a big crowd?  Ah, for the good old days; nowatimes, we get her in a mere 1/3rd of all episodes (of course I counted).  But we got to see her this weekend, which is doubly nice!  Not only for the regular reason that Carrot Top is best pony, but also because work starts up on Tuesday, and I'm going to be starting at a new school, a new grade level, and... a new everything, basically.  Stressful times, these.

But before we get to good ol' CT, let's talk about the episode itself!  Click below for my mostly-disorganized impressions of Buckball Season.

Mini-Reviews Round 148

One thing I'll say for Dungeons and Discord: the way Spike and Mac giggle over the "Squizard" name as Discord looks on in frustrated bemusement was a perfect encapsulation of walking in on the kind of long-running in-jokes that D&D invariably fosters.  You show up at one of my games, the first thing that's going to happen when you try to introduce your character is that someone will ask if you're from Meeuhmee, and everyone will laugh, and you'll have no idea why that's supposed to be funny.  The rest of the episode was pretty blah for me, but I related to that moment hard.

You know what else I relate to?  Carrot Top!  So I decided to review a few Carrot-Top tagged stories for today--turns out there aren't a lot on FiMFiction, and I've already reviewed most of the one's that are written reasonably competently and aren't porn.  But here's a few more!  And all comedy, it turns out.  Anyway, get them below the break!

Episode Talk: S6E16, The Times They Are A Changeling

I haven't been talking about the episodes recently because there's been a distressing dearth of Carrot Top over the past few weeks.  In fact, the last three episodes have shown her exactly twice in total: both times were in Carts Before Horses, as she cheers the racers on.

Carrot Top and her little sister competed in the derby last year, but after a biased (and suspiciously Apple-centric) judging panel denied the Orange Arrow its rightful victory in the Most Traditional competition, she vowed never to have anything to do with the race, ever again.  On the day of the derby, her friend Lily dropped by and asked if she wanted to go.  After patiently listening for twenty minutes while Carrot Top detailed exactly why she would never be seen within a country mile of the stupid thing, Lily nonchalantly mentioned that Applejack and her sister were racing this year.  "Apropos of nothing," Lily added, putting her word-a-day calendar to good use, "did you know that some ponies go to races just to see the crashes?"

This may not have been Carrot Top's proudest moment, but it certainly gave her a chance to put her word-a-day calendar to use: shadenfreude wasn't something she woke up that morning expecting to be able to work into a conversation, but life's funny like that sometimes.

Saturday's episode didn't have any Carrot Top, either--but, seeing as it's the long-awaited "so, what's the deal with Changelings, anyway?" episode, I had a few things to say about it.  Head below the break for some straight-up opinionatin'.

Here's What Your Next Three Weeks Are Gonna Look Like, Vis-a-Vis This Blog

...This blog is the most interesting thing you have going on for the next three weeks, right?

Anyway, by the time this post goes up, I'll already be on my way to New York, to visit some old friends there.  Then, it's off on my annual trip to Arizona to see my relatives.  During that time, I probably won't be totally MIA--but I'm going to be accessing the internet almost entirely via my phone, so don't expect to hear from me.  Besides, what's the point of a vacation if you can't unwind a bit?

Luckily, we've got plenty of interesting content for you in the meantime.  The next two weeks are going to have a mix of reading advice, writing advice, and a super-sized author analysis thrown in for good measure.  After that, you'll get back to some regular Chris goodness, courtesy of my post buffer.  It'll be almost like I'm still there, except that the above-the-post bits will be less topical!

But when I do come back, it'll be bearing gifts (and/or with bells on): a review of some or, if I get really productive, all of Somber's Project: Horizons!  So, circle July 18th on your calendar (or, if past precedent is any guide, July 20th).  Be nice, and try not to make a mess while I'm gone!

...Oh, and here's a picture of Carrot Top to tide you over until I'm back.  I know why you all are really here, after all.

I've never quite lost my childhood obsession with dinosaurs, so you'd better believe that the Natural History Museum is high on my list of things to do in New York.  Also, Carrot Top is best raptor.

Episode Talk: S6E12, Spice Up Your Life

Ponies!  They're a thing!  Let's chat about that thing!

Pony-chatting-thing, below!

Mini-Reviews Round 138

For the third week in a row, we have an episode about which the strongest sentiment I can muster up is, "Yup, that was an episode of FiM, alright."  I liked Fluttershy's portrayal, and they did a good enough job of making her brother a shiftless layabout without turning him into some self-assured scriptwriter's idea of what one of them "millennials" looks like, but it felt like the episode couldn't decide what it wanted to preach on the "jobs" front.  On one hand, it's putting out the "go get a job, any job, just start working" shtick, but on the other, Fluttershy (and, to a lesser extent, Dash) keep emphasizing how, if Zephyr works hard and commits himself, he'll find something he loves.  Call it a hunch, but I don't think washing Twilight's windows is going to get him any closer to the job he loves.  Anyway, it's not like the two ideas are antithetical--you can work hard at a job in the short term while, separately, pursuing your passion/education--but the whole thing felt muddled to me.

This scene is really weird, if you re-watch it while focusing on Carrot Top.  Moments after this still, Carrot Top opens her mouth in a wide smile, and stares ahead, blinking occasionally but otherwise motionless, for several seconds.  The camera cuts away for less than two seconds, and when it comes back to the wide shot, Carrot Top has vanished without a trace.  Guys, I'm not saying that some eldrich abomination just offscreen melted Carrot's brain before seizing the rigid, mindlessly smiling husk of her body with one of its appendages and slithering back to the Everfree with its latest victim in tow...  

I'm just saying that, if we never see Carrot again, I hope that Dinky's new mother takes good care of the newly-orphaned foal.

Okay, enough horror!  Have some short reviews of happy stories, below the break.

Mini-Reviews Round 137

Well, Applejack's "Day" Off was... well, it was certainly an episode.

Carrot Top has little interest in the spa, herself, but Roseluck has been extolling its virtues all week, and she finally agreed to come along on a pampering excursion.  The face you see above is that of a pony who has not yet realized that her "pampering excursion" is going to consist of waiting around for several hours, then eventually going home when the spa closes with no deep-tissue massage, no steam-bath, and sore hooves from standing in line all day.

I mean, yes, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are playing completely against type for no good reason(s), AJ's subsistence-level lifestyle (she still can't afford a single hired hand!) makes less sense with every passing season, and oh my God how big is this freaking spa, not only does it have a main room/tub big enough to fit Steven Magnet but it also apparently has several miles of twisting corridors, how much to Aloe and Lotus charge that they can afford the rent on this super-mansion, but besides all of that, it was... well, completely unmemorable, but not actually offensive.  That's not great, but it's not the worst thing you can be!

Speaking of things that are "not actually offensive," let's talk about fanfiction!  My thoughts on a few recently-read fics, below the break.