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Okay, here we go! My review of BillyColt's This Nearly was Mine, below the break.
Impressions before reading: Well, it seems to me that "This was Nearly Mine" would be the more normal phrasing for the title--hopefully that doesn't augur poorly for the rest of the fic. Just looking at the picture and the title, it does seem a bit odd that the story's seemingly about a male pony regretting that he didn't make a move on a lesbian (yes, I know, bisexuality is a thing too. I'm just saying that when a girl tells me she's dating a member of the opposite gender, my first reaction isn't "if only I'd asked her out sooner!"). But those are both minor things--hopefully I'm just nit-picking.
Zero-ish spoiler summary: Frederic Horseshoepin is a down-on-his-luck pianist living in Canterlot, trying to make ends meet and maintaining the stoic unflappability on which he prides himself.
Thoughts after reading: This story could also be summarized as "Frederic is miserable about/is made miserable by things beyond his control for 13,000 words." Thankfully, Billycolt doesn't pile on disasters to unbelievable extremes, so the reader is never left wondering why the universe seems to be out to get the protagonist, but this fic is essentially just a litany of the tribulations of a Canterlot pianist.
I don't mind that by itself--most fiction is based around conflict, and conflict usually requires some discomfort on the part of the main characters--but the fact is that there's not much here beyond sadness. Really believable, well-written sadness... but still, that's about it. This story doesn't build to any particular revelation or insight. Frederic doesn't really grow as a person (pony) over the course of the story. The ending doesn't really address any of the issues brought up during the fic, except on the most basic level. Story-wise, there's just not a lot here beyond a sober look at the life of a talented but struggling musician.
If you can accept that lack of purpose, though, there's some very nice elements here. BillyColt shows a knack for portraying a depressing situation without resorting to credulity-straining devices (there are a couple of credulity-straining devices, but these mostly relate to Octavia's and Scratch's relationship), and character voices are largely clear and consistent. Furthermore, the musical descriptions and attitudes are either informed by real-life experiences, or very well researched: I've known a couple of pianists whose attitudes towards art vs. skill, the need for faithfulness to a composer's vision, and towards "singers" match his to a tee. Indeed, there was very little in the musical descriptions and discussion which I took exception to--a rarity for me, when reading fanfics.
The writing is mostly good, ranging from unobjectionable to significantly above-average; again, the musical descriptions are clear and effective, and the way Frederic's personality and biases come through in the text is very nice. I was a little bothered, though, by the preponderance of weak scene endings in this story. Scene breaks throughout tend to peter, or to end on tangents unrelated to the main focus of said scene. This wasn't a major issue by itself, but when combined with the lack of thematic purpose to the story, these kind of focus issues are magnified.
Star rating: ★★☆☆☆ (what does this mean?)
This fic does a nice job as a mood piece, but it never does anything with the potentially tragic, potentially redemptive, and potentially affirming setting it creates. A story doesn't need to tie up every element it introduces in a neat little bow at the end... but as a rule, there ought to be some sort of character growth or thematic development to define the work. Otherwise, what's left is enjoyable for its technical prowess and strength of setting, but not for much else.
Recommendation: This is a nice piece for fans of believable sadness, and musicians will find this story much more true-to-life than most fanfiction. Readers in search of character or story development will be disappointed, though.
Next time: Somewhere Only We Know, by PatchworkPoltergeist
Yay, Chris will next be reviewing a fic I've actually read!
ReplyDeleteSOWK was an odd bird for me. I enjoyed it, but it really had a delayed impact on me. I read it nearly two years ago on the recommendation that it was a good sad fic. I'll chime in on it once I see what Chris's take on it is.
For TNWM... Well, I already blabbed a bit about it earlier. I only ever read the first two chapters, so I can't comment on its flow and resolution on the whole, but I have to agree with Chris here. It's a nice mood piece, but doesn't really go anywhere. I liked the touches of authenticity on the musician's perspective, but, surprisingly, that's where I found the author most resistant to taking advice (I wasn't a good enough reviewer at the time to pick out problems with pacing and overall flow, plus it was incomplete then). My only feedback was comprised of a few spots of "hey, here's some dialogue or terminology that, in my experience, musicians wouldn't use in that situation." Sure, his experience may have been different, but it's nice to have feedback acknowledged, especially when the author asked for it...
Still, I can enjoy a story like this if I'm in the right state of mind. I liken it to having some soft music going in the background; I'm not really paying attention to it, but it's pleasant enough, and I find it relaxing, as long as I wasn't looking for anything really engaging anyway.
In situations like that, I always wonder why on earth the person asked for feedback in the first place. As you say, it's fine to not take someone's advice, but that's not the same as ignoring it altogether.
DeleteI took exception too
ReplyDeleteI took exception, too. :V
I take exception to the notion that "too" ought to be comma-offset. It's incredibly prevalent, even in professional journalism, but has no logical basis. Try swapping it with the synonymous "as well" in your head — does the comma belong? Does it clarify or specify anything? Down with unnecessary punctuation, I say!
ReplyDelete(There is a disgruntled prescriptivist inside my head trying to escape.)
It's a matter of emphasis. Try reading Present's comment twice - once with the comma and once without. It makes a world of difference, and I think the comma adds personality - and a bit o' sass - to the sentence. It sounds more like he's speaking, rather than reading
DeleteYou reproduce the comma in speech? Most people don't pause when saying "I like that too" or "Me too".
DeleteThose are instances where I'm not emphasizing part of the sentence, so I wouldn't use a comma. My point was that whether or not to use a comma is dependent on the sentence
DeleteFirst off, you do reproduce the comma in speech, depending on the usage. And there are a number of commas that are required or advisable in writing that typically get glossed over in speech. A comma with "too" is not required; Most style guides will say you're free to use one or not, as long as you follow a consistent system. There is one school of though that differentiates when one is needed or not. Go without the comma when the "too" refers to adding another item to a list ("I had a cold, and later I got a backache too"). Use one when "too" refers to the sentence's subject ("You're from Chicago? I lived there, too"). In the latter, it's the kind of "too" that you can move next to the subject ("I, too, have lived there"). I usually like to go with the comma in all situations, but lately have been toying with this differentiated scheme.
DeleteBut all of this is moot. Pres was pointing out a typo. It should have been "to," as it appeared in the article.
My inner prescriptivist loves commas, and thinks you're a butt. :V
DeleteAlso I tend to write as I would talk, especially in comments.
ALSO YOU HAVE ALL IGNORED THE FACT THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN "TO", NOT "TOO"
You man aside from Pascoite, who mentioned it just six minutes before you posted?
DeleteHmm...
-M
(Don't worry. I got it too.)
I knew what you meant, Present. I'd thought Whooves did too and was correcting you for what he thought to be unnecessary punctuation
DeleteIt is such.
Delete"Thankfully, Billycolt doesn't pile on disasters to unbelievable extremes..."
ReplyDeleteWhy would you be thankful? That sounds like the basis for a classic comedy to me
Perhaps, but that wasn't what Billycolt was going for, and while trainwrecks of this kind (achieving comedy when you're shooting for melancholy) are amusing, I don't think that'd qualify as a "fandom classic".
DeleteSure hilarious trainwrecks can be classics. See My Immortal, which will live on in internet infamy forever,
DeleteI still don't understand how anyone can actually read My Immortal. It's worse than the messages I used to get on Myspace, and I had to get my friends to translate those for me!
DeleteMy Immortal is best experienced through the medium of dramatic reading, but even just reading it yourself, it's worth the effort to push through. Most of the humour value in it is from just how completely inept it is with its spelling. Either way, it's an experience you'll get nowhere else. Some specific lines are just so bad that you'll remember them forever.
Delete