6-Star Reviews Part 147: Transcendence

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I'm now only one story shy of reviewing every complete 6-star story!  Granted, I'm still something like half a million words shy if you want to count it that way, but the point is that I've very nearly accomplished the completely arbitrary goal I set for myself almost two years ago.

...Hey, you've gotta take your victories where you can get 'em.  Click down below the break for my thoughts on Corejo's Transcendence.

Impressions before reading:  Well, what do you know: this story began just a month before I started this blog!  I'm sure that means there's some sort of deep and meaningful karmic connection between it and me; if only I could puzzle out what exactly it is.

The sad tag and description have me suspecting that this is one of those "Scootaloo learns she'll never be able to fly" stories which were so prevalent at one point, and which I still see pop up every now and then.  Hopefully the author brings something new or original to the table, if that's the case.  And in any event, I really hope this story doesn't coast on weepy angst, as too many "Scootasad" (not a fan of that portmanteau, by the way) stories did and do.  Those are all hypotheticals, though; I'm hoping for something, well, transcendent.

Zero-ish spoiler summary:  From the day she moved to Ponyville, Scootaloo has idolized Rainbow Dash.  This is the story of that idolization, its fallout, and its aftermath.

Thoughts after reading:  So, first thing's first: Scoot can fly just fine in this story, thank you very much.  In fact, it's mostly a tale about her learning how to fly, spread over several years.  From her first lessons to the upper echelons of competitive flying, this story follows Scoot's growth as an athlete, and as an individual.

That part's all fine, so far as it goes.  In fact, it's better than fine; the descriptions of flight and racing, of practice and stuntsmareship, are generally interesting and intelligent without being overly technical or difficult to follow.  Moreover, they provide a nice counterbalance to the more staid scenes with which they share time.  Corejo does a good job of breaking up physical action and memories/dialogue, never letting the narrative pendulum swing too long towards one or the other.  In that sense, this is quite a good story.

However, tonal consistency is a weak point throughout; it seems that the author couldn't decide whether he desired a slightly more serious but basically faithful take on the show's aesthetic, or wanted to go for a much darker and more aggressive tone, and the story waffles between these poles throughout.  Meanwhile, the fic consistently places inordinate emphasis on characters or events which turn out to be of tangential relevance at best.  A good early example of both of these lies in Scootaloo's new teacher (Scoot having graduated from Cheerilee's lower grades), a stock villain who plots to ruin all Scoot's fun because Scoot's a poor student.

I'd just like to butt in and say, by the way, that I didn't really notice until a few years ago just how many stories (published and fanfiction) make unironic use of a teacher as a joyless hellbeast bent on ruining fun.

Anyway, when Scootaloo's father unleashed a profanity-filled tirade upon her, after which she essentially disappeared from the narrative against all expectation and logic, it pretty well established that tone and focus were where this story was going to struggle most.

The story's text also is uneven, though to a much lesser degree.  At times, the narration seems positively convivial; in other places, affectatious prose such as "Nothing in her voice denoted demand, but the simplicity of it provoked an instinctive drive to comply" seems positively ultraviolet by comparison to the rest of the text.  Still, this sort of thing was the only issue I noticed with the writing; several editors are credited with assistance on one or more chapters, and their work shows in how clean the writing is overall.

Characterization varied dramatically from character to character.  Scootaloo was well-realized and largely relatable--crucial to a story like this.  Her father also had a prominent role, which was well-developed if hokey and predictable.  But, as mentioned, Scoot's teacher was a straightforward troll, and other minor characters were often given defining characteristics in place of actual character.

Then, there's Rainbow Dash.  Without going into spoilers, let me say that I didn't buy her portrayal.  But to talk about that, and the ending itself, I'm going to have to break out the spoiler tag.  If you want to go into this story fresh, just know that I was very disappointed in the ending--not because it didn't fit Scootaloo, but because it was (or at least, seemed to me to be) a tragedy, but was presented as a triumph.  For more--and, you know, spoilers--click below:

First, Dash: after Scootaloo bombs in the Best Young Fliers competition, Dash tells her she's worthless, a loser, and that Dash never wants to see her again (I'm paraphrasing, but that's not an exaggeration of the tone).  When she turned on Scoot initially, I thought it a bit out of character, but was willing to buy it.  In the show she's very much prone to speaking before she thinks, so that makes sense.  But then the animosity continued, and eventually we get to the ending, where Dash reveals that she's been acting like a monster for the past year because she "didn't know how to apologize."

Sorry, I can't buy that.  I mean, it's not like she was just avoiding Scoot after that incident; she made a point of being relentlessly antagonistic through words, looks, and actions every time (admittedly, not very many times) they interacted, for an entire year.  I had a lot of trouble reconciling the twin concepts of "Rainbow Dash" and "seething cauldron of spite, anger, and envy," personally.

As for the ending: Scoot aces the Wonderbolts tryouts, and is so wonderful that Dash is compelled to grovel and apologize to her in front of everyone who matters.  Scoot blows her apology off.  Then, rather than sign on with the Wonderbolts, Scoot takes off and goes home, never looking back.

My problem with the ending isn't that it didn't fit Scoot's character--it did.  It's that, from the fic's title and from the way that Scoot's training developed, I expected her to, well, transcend her relationship with Dash.  Instead, the ending only affirms it.  Scootaloo gives up her dream of being a Wonderbolt because she doesn't want to follow in Dash's hoofsteps--apparently unaware that in doing so, she's choosing to define her life on Dash's terms.  I suspect Corejo intended the end to read more as "if this is what the Wonderbolts are, then I don't need to be one; I'm better than that," but Scoot's actions come off much more as her cutting off her nose to spite her face.  It's not just that she doesn't let go of her anger and disappointment at Dash--it's that she embraces those emotions to define herself.

Like I said, solid characterization for Scootaloo at the end, based on what we'd seen of her in the story to that point.  But given the way the ending was set up (heck, given the title), it was also very disappointing and, I think, a poor story decision, that at the end of the work she's unable to overcome the specter of Dash's betrayal.

Star Rating:  ★★☆☆☆ (what does this mean?)

My spoiler-licious problems notwithstanding, this story has a lot of very nice flight and stunt elements, woven into the larger narrative in such a way that they're consistently engrossing, not to mention well-written in their own right.  And Scootaloo herself was a fascinating, sympathetic character.  I just wish I could say as much for the rest of the ponies that populate this fic.

Recommendation:  Readers in search of something with a good mix of non-violent action (and often, non-competitive as well, as when she's training) and main character characterization will find it here.  Folks looking for solid characterizations past that, or for tonal or thematic consistency, will probably find this less to their liking.

Next time:  The Immortal Game, by AestheticB