tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post5490270660551032114..comments2024-03-04T02:09:30.979-06:00Comments on One Man's Pony Ramblings: A Critique of My Little Dashie – Part 2 Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-39458269204402925842017-09-04T01:30:58.851-05:002017-09-04T01:30:58.851-05:00From Chris' after-the-column paragraph: "...From Chris' after-the-column paragraph: "It's not a problem that people enjoy this story" is a good lesson for all reviewers; yes, it can be frustrating when readers enjoy stories the "wrong" way, or for the "wrong" reasons, but<br /><br />Here, we have an example of an unfinished sentence. This kind of issue can arise when the writer is obstinate and refuses to correct himself out of a misplaced unwillingness to admit that he's done something wrong. In situations like this, the writer simply needs to be honest with himself and admit that not finishing your sentences is an invalid stylistic move, beyond being grammatically incorrect.The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-17904386012662717432017-09-03T17:06:05.835-05:002017-09-03T17:06:05.835-05:00I feel no need to expand upon that thought. I won...I feel no need to expand upon that thought. I won't insult the reader's intelligence by spelling out what they should obviously have picked up by now in a careful reading of my after-the-column paragraph.Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11581572699330155065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-80499007192473713352017-08-25T16:03:50.073-05:002017-08-25T16:03:50.073-05:00Specificity can also go to far in that the sense o...Specificity can also go to far in that the sense of reality is already established and it serves only to add irrelevance. Like in a description of a room, give me the major features and a couple details. A few details add flavor, but add too much and you're sacrificing plot for atmosphere. It also helps if some of those details serve a double function: thematic symbols or objects that will prove important to the plot.<br /><br />Ah, and your remark about editors. In most cases, I'd agree with you, but there are some exceptions. I've had times when someone asked me for help, and I just gave them a little top-level advice, then they barely applied it and gleefully listed me as an editor.Pascoitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05861834765162800926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-62768600150043600642017-08-25T11:51:34.209-05:002017-08-25T11:51:34.209-05:00You're hitting the nail on the head, talking a...You're hitting the nail on the head, talking about specificity. I have a quote on my profile description on fimfiction from an wonderful analysis of a musical I like that encompasses what you're saying perfectly. It says: "The more specific you are, the more universal it becomes." I think that's precisely true, because the truth is always in the details, and avoid that fact at your own peril, if you're a fiction writer. <br /><br />I do think there is such a thing as being too specific. That's when authors describe things in terms that may seem perfectly precise and clear to them, but in practice, leave next to no room for interpretation on the part of the reader. It may be engaging on some level, but it doesn't have that immediate, kinetic, immersive quality that's preferably in narrative prose writing. And that's where the usefulness of metaphor emerges. Metaphor can create holes of meaning that the reader gets to fill in, because metaphors are evocative but often not particularly descriptive when it comes to conceptual meaning and putting specific words to specific things. It's perfectly understandable to leave holes for interpretation on the part of the reader, in my view, even big holes, as long as you're aware that's what you're doing.<br /><br />Anyway, if you're actually still reading this, all the more power to you. I've written more than I intended probably, but I'm happy to express my thoughts anyway, even if I am a little long-winded. The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-24737332651112994402017-08-25T11:47:38.214-05:002017-08-25T11:47:38.214-05:00About the main character and his arc––exactly. And...About the main character and his arc––exactly. And I spend a lot of time trying to articulate that in a way I find lucid and clear. The thing is that we do understand what this character's arc is supposed to be, right? It's a classic narrative with such universal reach that it doesn't even matter that its forward development is not conveyed clearly. Its development seems to be implicit in the statements the main character makes about himself, the world around him, Rainbow Dash, love, compassion, and so on. And as you keep reading, you realize it's just a game. <br /><br />The true focus of the story you realize, once you break off the loose bits and pieces of narrative that ostensibly has to do with the main character's development, is on tone and atmosphere, and they permeate the story with the goal to get an emotional reaction out of the reader. Let's separate the story from the author now, because ROBCakeran53 has gone through enough nonsense as it is with regard to this story. <br /><br />This obviously wasn't some sort of scheme on his part, and most of the issues with the story can be explained away with a look at one of his more recent stories. He obviously didn't have his intuitions with regard to prose writing in check back then, and I'm saying that descriptively, not to be derogatory. People act as if he's some Machiavellian ponyfic-manipulator who conspired to write a shallow character with a shallow dramatic arc. No! Stop trying to make things so complicated. It was his first story, and as far as first stories go, not a bad job on the part of ROBCakeran53. <br /><br />People forget, or perhaps don't realize, that it takes a powerful intuition of a specific kind that you have to INGRAIN in yourself over the course of months and years to be able to do this. Sure, it's an enjoyable activity and all, but when you really get into the trenches of what professional narrative prose writing is, it's not something simple or easily digestible. That's why I have a hard time judging ROBCakeran53 or any writer on a personal level, even when their writing makes me angry. It's not like they made a conscious decision to write the way they write on the most base level. Much of it, not all, but much of it has to do with what intuitions you have and don't have, and these intuitions develop over time, and we simply need to be wary of that in ourselves and other people. <br /><br />Editors, I do get annoyed at sometimes. Maybe that's misguided? It's just, if a story looks like a first draft and it's the final product, how does that happen? I feel like the editors and pre-readers have something to answer for in that instance, since they literally don't seem to be doing what they were assigned to do. I don't know. That's just a thought.<br />The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-62530266800394927612017-08-25T11:46:06.288-05:002017-08-25T11:46:06.288-05:00Love this comment. Let's respond.
The "...Love this comment. Let's respond. <br /><br />The "laying/lying"-issue is honestly one I didn't even know about. I just took it as regional spelling. Whoops, I guess. I'll put that in my memory bank. <br /><br />Yeah, that's the danger with talking about metaphors and constructions in terms of their ability to evoke. It's mostly a matter of intuition and there are only a few broad principles to play with, one of which I brought up in the last post: the main verb-rule. The "in tow"-thing is actually the only one I was genuinely unsure about, but I decided to keep it in anyway because it just didn't sit right with me, even though I tried to return to it with "refreshed vision," as the main character would put it, several times. <br /><br />I think the issue is that it's a little too over-the-top for me to actually buy it as a figurative turn of phrase. I want to take it literally, but that just ruins the emotional quality of it. On the other hand, maybe I was a little undisciplined in keeping it in. I want examples that are relatively unambiguous, and I think that probably wasn't one. <br /><br />The other criticisms as regards construction and metaphor, I'll stand by though. If they're not overt trip-ups, they're potential ones, and the reason why I picked them is because they tripped ME up. That's good enough for me. I also don't pick out issues in the domain of construction unless I can articulate to myself clearly why they bother me. It's not necessarily that something will "strike me as odd," either. Sometimes, I'll look at a piece of writing, and my eyes will immediately be drawn to a certain word or phrase that strikes me as wrong. <br /><br />More often, I'll notice small dissonances in the writing that I can't quite pinpoint but that seem to take me out of it little by little. I know I'm not just imagining things in those instances because if I follow that intuition, it'll lead me to a small logical contradiction in the writing or a piece of superfluous conceptual meaning, and it's those I tend to zoom in on, because they're easy to explain, from my perspective.<br /><br />Quote unquote "tonal contradictions" are more ambiguous, since you can by definition only talk about them in terms of your own personal impression. I've less ground to stand on there, so I'll only talk about them when I think it's something obvious, like I did at the end of section 4. I'd like to think I've been pretty disciplined about doing that but if you have any more issue to point out, feel free. I'm here to learn. <br />The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-42583283397358601352017-08-25T08:31:52.433-05:002017-08-25T08:31:52.433-05:00Nitpick, but I found it interesting that you expli...Nitpick, but I found it interesting that you explicitly brought up the issue of transitive/intransitive verbs, yet you missed a blatant (albeit commonly confused) one in a sentence you made three attempts at revising, no less:<br /><br />"Laying there, sleeping and curled up beside me had me smiling ear to ear."<br /><br />"Laying" is transitive, yet there's no direct object given. The correct verb here is "lying," but people understandably confuse lay and lie, not only because their base forms are fairly similar, but also in that the past tense of "lie" is "lay," even further entangling them.<br /><br />I like a lot of the focus on why certain metaphors or constructions don't work, but honestly, some of them didn't bother me, particularly the one about grocery bags "in tow," as I think it adds to the mood, in that these shoppers are so beaten down by the mundaneness of it all that they figuratively drag the bags on the ground behind them. There were a few others that didn't strike me as odd, either, but on the whole, they are the kinds of things that trip readers up.<br /><br />And really, the central point stands, that everything builds upon the characters, and if you aren't along for the character's arc, then it severely limits what impact the story can induce on you. And I deliberately use "induce" here, since the reader is free to plug in whatever impact they care to invent for themselves, and there's obviously a lot of that going on in the fanfiction community. It's making the reader do the author's job, but many readers are happy to do just that. And even if we understand what this character's arc is supposed to be, it's so vague as to feel detached.<br /><br />One thing I say frequently in reviews is that a few specific examples are worth far more than any number of generalities. We're supposed to be invested in things like these birthday parties, but we just get glib summaries of them after the fact. If I'm actually there in the moment, seeing the party as it happens, and I get to notice details, like what the decorations are and how Dash reacts to them, it suddenly becomes a whole lot more real to me.<br /><br />The uniting thing behind the vagueness and the character arc is this: the less of the story I have to fill in for the author to make it seem authentic, the more powerful a reading experience it will be.<br /><br />That seems a little counterintuitive, right? If I'm the one filling in the details, it's tuned more to what I'd envision and makes it a more personal experience, right? Not really. For one thing, it kind of accentuates the self-insert aspect, assuming the reader doesn't find that preferable (and to be fair, many do), but it also takes time to invent those things, time I spend disengaged from the words on the page and off in my vision of it until I jerk back to reality, as it were, and continue reading. I find it more effective when I can see and share the author's vision than when I have to make my own. If I preferred the latter, I might as well just read the synopsis, then leave the story unread as I go imagine on my own how I want it to play out.Pascoitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05861834765162800926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-15666640442781745052017-08-25T03:12:24.837-05:002017-08-25T03:12:24.837-05:00From "My Little Dashie": I still specula...From "My Little Dashie": I still speculate when the time is going to arise that she goes back to Equestria. And each day it gets harder for me to imagine when that actually happens. I just hope that she never forgets me, because I will never forget her.<br /><br />There’s a small stylistic blunder in the second of these three sentences. It’s the word choice of “‘when’ that actually happens.” The main character says in the first sentence that he speculates “when” Rainbow will be brought back to Equestria. In the second, he says that by the day, it gets harder and harder to imagine “when” that happens. But wait a minute, he’s not talking about “when” it happens anymore, he’s talking about it happening, period. It doesn’t get harder and harder to imagine “when” that happens, because he’s not trying to imagine “when” it happens. He has no idea “when” it will happen. He’s merely speculating about when. What he’s talking about it “that” it’ll happen. Let me clarify by amending the sentence:<br /><br />My version: I still speculate when the time is going to arise that she goes back to Equestria. And each day it gets harder for me to imagine that actually happening. I just hope that she never forgets me, because I will never forget her.<br /><br />The reason why I removed “when” is because he’s not distraught over when it’ll happen. That’s not what these three sentences are about. He’s distraught about it happening, period. Once again, it doesn’t get harder for him to imagine “when” it’ll happen, it gets harder for him to imagine it happening. I simply deleted “when” to reflect that. The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-54037684965232266822017-08-25T03:11:21.980-05:002017-08-25T03:11:21.980-05:00To add:
Uttermost is written in two words at one ...To add:<br /><br />Uttermost is written in two words at one point, as "utter most." <br /><br />Leftovers is written in two words at one point, as "left overs."<br /><br />Upstairs is written in two words at one point, as "up stairs." <br /><br />Shoe box is written in two words at one point, as "shoe box." <br /><br />Many words are written in different ways at different points, and that's my final observation. The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184562969471581744.post-1830871130105724202017-08-25T03:06:03.319-05:002017-08-25T03:06:03.319-05:00But...?But...?The Illustrious Colonel Wafflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02388473232843879190noreply@blogger.com